She wolf in the closet: Leah's imprint
by KamilleBlack
Summary: Leah Clearwater imprints on a girl. This causes several conflicts and drama... There are some A\N and stuff that really shouldn't be there. I tried to take them off but I couldn't find 'em all...
1. Chapter 1 to 5

**Chapter 1.**

Another first. First day at University of Washington. The halls of the school were crowded and I was constantly shoved back and forth. I breathed deeply to stop myself from punching the next person who touched me. My yoga classes started next week; I really needed them. I had moved away from La Push and relocated in Seattle. I found a nice apartment on the university's campus. I could hardly afford it and I might be working my butt off to keep it but, hell, I was in the city! And I was being independent...except for the few hundred dollars my mom was giving me every month. But other than that, I was totally independent.

The outside of the school resembled the white house in my opinion. It hadn't changed much since the 1800's but the inside was well renovated. The brown marble shone in contrast with the wooden walls. I felt insignificant in this place. This was a rich kid school. Thank God for scholarships.

The classroom was huge. There were several aisles with long desks that started at one end of the class and ended at the other. It was like this school was determined on having me touch the most people as possible.

Eventually my first class ended and I was back in the halls getting pushed and shoved.

"Come on" I muttered.

"Excuse me?" The tall sandy blond man was frowning at me. He took a quick glance at me up and down before grinning, "Come on" he imitated me, "Why isn't this hot guy talking to me?"

I raised an eyebrow at his lame attempt to hit on me. I couldn't even call that being hit on. I was to pissed to laugh so I just stared at him and hoped that he'd burst into flames.

"I'm Max." He offered me his hand for me to shake it.

I sighed and took it. I might as well have been nice...er. He wasn't being a jerk, although he did seem capable. I was starting the mental countdown for him to say something offensive, "I'm Leah."

"Exotic." He brought up my hand and I yanked it away before he could touch them to his lips.

"Not really." I turned away from him and started to my next class. I heard him following behind me and got irritated.

"You look exotic." He disagreed.

"Well, I'm 100 percent American."

"Ooh Patriot. That's hot."

"Goodbye Marc." I quickened my pace. He was not a friend I was interested in having.

"It's Max!" he shouted letting me go.

When I found my next class I took the second seat closest to the door. We were just a few seconds in and the teacher, Mr. Daniels, already had me interested with a little lecture he was giving about how if we failed he got paid the same salary.

The classroom door was opened and a girl walked in. She had a rich, brown coloured skin. Her hair was black, braided at the top and the rest was left out and curly. Her dark brown eyes almost appeared black but they shone as much as light coloured eyes would. Her heart was beating fast as she took the seat beside me. She smiled shyly and I froze. I never got awed by people's looks before but this girl was just on a whole other level of pretty.

"Name miss?" Mr. Daniels asked her, his face had gone hard and I frowned. It was the first day and it wasn't her fault she was late.

"It's, uh, Lindsey...Craig, Sir." She stuttered throughout her entire introduction. Her heart stuttered when she was supposed to answer the teacher.

"I don't appreciate people being late to my class Miss Craig. I find it disrespectful."

The girl couldn't keep her eyes focussed on one thing. They constantly went up to the teacher's face and back at her hands. She appeared to only look up out of respect. "I-I'm s-sorry, Sir." She cleared her throat, "Won't happen again."

Mr. Daniels grinned, "You're scared aren't you? You're about to crap yourself." Mr. Daniels seemed to be feeding off her fear. Getting stronger the more she stuttered.

Lindsey laughed nervously, "Not scared, Sir. Just a little embarrassed. And you're not helping." She muttered the last part under her breath.

I chuckled quietly.

"Anything funny Miss...?" Mr. Daniels had addressed me.

"Clearwater, Leah." I bit my lip and looked away from the slightly good looking dark haired middle-aged man.

"Well?" The teacher pressed.

"No, Mr. Daniels. Nothing funny in particular,"

"Then can I teach my class or what?"

I smiled at him and nodded for him to go on.

During the class, I kept peeking at the girl next to me. She was pretty, but there was more to her then just that. She had an interesting look. He brown cheeks seemed to have freckles. They were barely noticeable but I saw them. She had thick lips, the type that some girls would actually have surgery to get. I had to keep from laughing at a lot at the things she did unintentionally. Her eyes would focus on the teacher then they would drift away, she would jump in her seat when she realised that she had gotten distracted then start taking notes. She also yawned way more than necessary. It was past noon and she looked exhausted.

At the end of class I was more than eager to speak to her, "Hi!" I smiled.

She yawned before saying, "Hey Leah, I'm Lindsey." She smiled and picked up her notebooks and put them in her Hello Kitty bag pack. I thought the bag was cute despite its childishness.

"Yeah, I know. You made quite an entrance." I laughed.

She laughed—a real laugh not a nervous one like before, "Fashionably late, I guess."

"In order to be fashionably late you have to do something amazing." I mentioned as we walked through the crowded halls.

"No one can stutter like me when I'm nervous."

"It wasn't that bad."

She scoffed, "You're too nice."

I laughed and tried to remember the last time someone called me nice without sarcasm. I liked her; she had good taste in friends. I had a feeling we would be great friends. That's what I wanted and I felt a little crazy for wanting it so badly. I really wanted her to like me.

"Do you have any classes?" She asked me.

"Uh," I tried to remember my schedule and smiled, "No, I don't. Do you?"

She laughed, "If I had a class why would I ask you if you did?" She shook her head, "You want to get some coffee or something? I skipped breakfast, this morning and I live like 10 thousand miles away from here."

"Sure, let's go to my car." We exited the school, into the chilly, fall weather. Lindsey already had a jacket on so I didn't worry about her being cold.

"You don't have to, there's a Second Cup five seconds from here." She informed me. I was happy about that. I needed my coffee in the morning sometimes and it would've sucked to have to drive back in forth for it.

We walked down the sidewalk in the direction of the Second Cup. I wanted to know more about her. I figured it was because she was my first friend and I wanted to know about my first friend. That was the only reason I was interested in her personal life. It was as if I were trying to convince myself. Strange.

"So Lindsey, 10 thousand miles from here? Where do you live?"

"Downtown," She answered before stopping to look both ways and cross the street even though the light was still red.

I shrugged and followed behind her. There wasn't a cop car in sight and how lame would it be to give a ticket for J-walking, "Downtown? Really?"

She nodded, "So far!" she groaned.

"How do you get here?" I questioned.

"Bus...and subway."

"Every morning?"

"I will be doing so every morning. Yes." We got to our destination and she opened the door for me.

Her coming from Downtown all the way to here every morning didn't sound fair. I didn't understand why she would go through so much trouble.

"Why don't you get a place on campus?"

She scoffed, "Because I'm broke." The thought was hilarious to her and she laughed hysterically. She had a nice laugh; it was a sound that didn't bother me in the least, "So I get the honour to live with my mother!" she didn't seem happy about that fact all.

"Why don't you go to a school closer to home, though?"

"I wanted to go to this school. It's a nice school and I'd never be able to afford it." She stood in the short line and looked up at the menu.

"Then how'd you get here?"

"Thank God for scholarships." She said and I froze.

She got a scholarship too. I wasn't one to believe in fate and things like that. But I had a very good...vibe from this girl. It didn't seem fair for a smart girl like her to have to drag herself across town to come to school.

"What are you having?" Lindsey snapped me out of my reverie.

"Oh, uh, large French vanilla cappuccino," I replied.

"Shut up! Me too." She squeaked before paying and taking both our cups.

"Oh no, you paid for me?" I complained and started digging in my pocket. I had to pay her back, she couldn't pay for my coffee. She did say she was broke.

"Don't sweat it Leah. I had one of those 'buy four and get the fifth one free' cards. You're the fifth." She shrugged and found us a seat for two. She gave me my cup and I opened it and inhaled the sweet vanilla scent, "You live on campus?" she guessed.

"Yeah, just got my first place," I beamed at the thought of being on my own again.

She sighed, "Independence. Sounds like fun. I still live with my parents." She blew in her cappuccino.

I cocked my head to the side. The fact seemed to upset her a bit. I wanted to make her feel less bad. I thought about my living situation and had and amazing idea that would forever change my life, "You know, I'm going to be working like a dog just to pay to live in that apartment."

"Sucks." She commented, "I work and still can't afford a damn scooter." She grumbled.

"You work? Where?" I leaned forward with curiosity.

Her eyes widened and her hearts started to beat faster. Was she nervous or embarrassed, I couldn't tell.

"At a restaurant," she recovered quickly.

"A restaurant?" she hadn't been very specific and I wondered why. I shrugged it off. She would tell me eventually, "Anyways, I think we had a good impression on each other and I think it would be cool if you were my roommate." I suggested.

She raised her eyebrow, "You want me to be your roommate?" she checked.

I nodded, "It's what's best for your education. And I really need help to pay for it. Plus, I like you."

"Wow! I'm so honoured." she giggled.

"You should be. I don't like much people." I confessed.

"Oh, then thanks." She said seriously.

"So you'll move in with me?" I asked, my voice hopeful. I really wanted to have her near me. She seemed like she would be the best person for me to hang out with. She looked like a long term, loyal friend.

"Sure," she took a sip of her drink and nodded, "That's hot."

"It sure is roomie!"

**Chapter 2.**

"Today's the day right?" Lindsey asked as we walked through the crowded halls, our books in hand.

"Yes," I nodded. Today was the day we would go to Lindsey's house and get her things. We started school a week ago and I still felt a strange pull towards Lindsey that made absolutely no sense. Lindsey didn't want to move in with a complete stranger, so for the past week we got to know each other. Lindsey was 19 and she was born in Tacoma. I would listen to her ramble about herself in my living room for hours without getting tired of hearing her speak. She had interesting stories. I also found out that the annoying boy—Max—that had harassed me in the halls on the first day was Lindsey's ex. Max was a rich kid, which made him cocky.

It was our last class and we were heading for my car. I was going to drive her to her house and pick up the boxes that she had packed. We put our books in the back seat of my silver 2004 Mitsubishi Lancer/a. I had to work long hours at a gas station to get a down payment on this used car. It was the first thing I bought.

The drive to Lindsey's house was about 30 minutes long, which meant it probably took her an hour to get here by bus and subway. Lindsey's house was a cute duplex. We went up the five steps to here wood, front door. She pushed the door open.

"Anybody home?" she called.

"No," a man's voice answered.

She giggled and went in. The inside was very beautiful. In front of the door were stairs. The walls were dark red. A thin wooden table with a vase was pushed against the wall at the left side of the house and over said table was what looked like an African painting of a woman in a haystack with her baby in hand.

I closed the door and behind it were suitcases and cardboard boxes.

"My things," Lindsey named and took the biggest box. Her feet shuffled beneath her as she struggled to see passed the giant boxed, "Door," she grunted.

I laughed, "I'll take this one," I took the box from her and held it securely under my chin. Lindsey was about 5 feet 6 inches which made her 4 inches shorter than my 5'1o.

The sound of footsteps came down the stairs and I looked up to see a man with caramel coloured skin. He had a buzz cut and appeared to be in his early twenties. He wasn't wearing a shirt therefore strutting his athletic body.

"Hey!" he said to us. He stopped in front of me and took the box out of my hands to place it on the ground, "Hi, I'm James," he offered me his hand to shake it. James was Lindsey's older brother—half brother—it wasn't hard to see that fact. The boy was clearly mixed and Lindsey was not.

"I'm Leah."

"Oh, I know, you're the girl who's stealing my baby sister." He joked and punched Lindsey in the arm playfully.

"You jerk! That hurt," she complained and punched him back with force.

James frowned, "Why are you trying to hurt me?" he pushed her hard and she stumbled and flew into the wall.

"You douche bag! Why do you always have to embarrass..." Lindsey's sibling bickering made me miss my own irritating brother. I pulled my cellular phone out of my pocket and dialled his number.

"Hey Leah!" Seth answered on the second ring, "Miss me already?"

"You have no idea." I replied.

"How is it being in college with your own place? Did that other girl move in yet?"

"We're getting her things right now." I opened the front door and took the biggest bus and walked toward my car. I held the phone between my shoulder and cheek.

"It's funny how you we're all excited to be alone and now you're having some random girl move in with you." Seth mentioned.

"She's not a random girl; she's Lindsey." It was unintentional the way I caressed her name.

Seth didn't notice, "When are you visiting? Jacob asked. He misses you, he just won't admit it."

He chuckled.

I couldn't help but smile. I was being missed. Part of me thought that life in La Push wouldn't have changed at all without me. I was glad that certain people were actually sad that I left.

"I don't know, I was thinking next week. I could spend the weekend or something." I told him.

"I'll get my things out of your room by then."

I frowned, he better not have been hanging around in my room while I was in college, "What did you say?"

"I'm kidding Leah, jeez." He laughed, "Not that I'm not missing you or anything, but I have a date so..."

"You have a date? With a girl?" I said in disbelief.

"Bye Leah, love you."

"Mm hm," I hung up and opened the trunk to my car. I put the big box in it and went back to the house.

"...because you never help me with anything!" Lindsey was saying.

James sighed, "Well, let me get a shirt on." He headed back upstairs and Lindsey had a satisfied look on her face.

"I just got us a pair of strong arms." She grinned.

"Well, I'm hurt," I took two suitcases and went back to the car. We went back and forth from the car to the house till we had nothing more to pack. We thanked James for his help and we headed back to campus. The sun had set and it was now dark.

"You sure you want to do this?" Lindsey's heart beat had quickened.

"Do what? Move in? Yeah I'm sure." I assured her. I had never been surer of anything in my life. I felt like this decision had no down side. Lindsey would be a great roommate.

Lindsey didn't seem convinced and she looked at her hands.

"Lindsey, I'm sure."

Lindsey nodded, "Okay. I'm going to be such a good roommate." She looked at me, "I promise."

My eyes went over the soft features of her face, "Lindsey, you're really pretty."

She giggled, "Thanks, you're pretty too. OMG! We should celebrate, let's go home, get dressed then go clubbing."

"Legally, Lindz, you can't go clubbing."

"No, it's cool; I know this place that they never ask for ."

"It's a school night."

"What? Is your mom gonna punish you?"

I opened my mouth to argue then I remembered that my mom would not punish me because my mom wasn't here. "You're right Lindsey, we should celebrate, but nothing too over the top."

Obviously, Lindsey didn't know the definition of 'over the top'. The club she brought us to had a very long line. I should've seen this coming. When Lindsey came out in a gorgeous sparkling black dress, black stiletto boots and jewellery that looked heavy for her I should've known we weren't just going to iHop. When she forced me to wear her black butterfly tank top instead of a plain black t-shirt, that's when I should've said something. Now it was too late, we were already at the building. We had left our jackets in the car. The music was booming and smoke was coming out the front door with the bouncer.

Lindsey didn't wait in the line, she just skipped past all the people.

"Hey Ruffus!" she greeted the large muscular bouncer.

He grinned at her, "Hello Lindsey, how are you?"

"I don't know, that depends whether you're letting us in or not." She flirted playfully with the good looking man.

He looked at me, "I'm Ruffus," he nodded at me. He had a very deep voice, it went well with his muscular built. He reminded me of a buffer Channing Tatum.

"Leah," I smiled.

"You letting us in or not?" Lindsey asked, she had to shout to be audible over the music.

"When have I not let you in?" he moved the rope for us.

"You're the best Ruffus!" Lindsey jumped to kiss him on the cheek, "Come on, Leah!" she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the smoky building. The bar was at the wall right when we came in and went all around the room. The crowded dance floor was in the center of the room. Lindsey pulled me to the bar and sat on a stool. "Hey Leslie!" she shouted.

The bar tender was a thin brunette with red lips and tattoos all over her left arm, "Hey Lindsey, where's that cute boyfriend of yours." She had a thick southern accent.

"Ew! He was my brother!" she said with disgust in her voice.

Leslie shrugged, "He was really cute." She glanced over at me, "This your friend?" she asked while she dried a mug with a white cloth.

"Yeah, this is Leah. My roommate."

Leslie's eyebrows rose, "A roommate in college, eh?" she grinned.

"Less, you're sick!" Lindsey squeaked and reached to smack the bartender playfully on the arm.

I didn't understand the joke but didn't think twice about it."Hi," I said.

"What's your poison honey?"

"No poison, just Coke."

"I want a wine cooler, I don't care what flavour." Lindsey ordered.

"Comin' up." Leslie turned to get our drinks.

"Wine cooler?" I said to Lindsey, "Wow, you're a real risk taker."

"It's a school night." Lindsey took the bottle of wine cooler and started drinking it. My Coke came in a glass bottle and I began drinking my own.

"Come on let's dance!" Lindsey took my hand that didn't have my drink in it and pulled me towards the hot, sweaty dance floor.

I grimaced but let her pull me onto the dance floor. I didn't really like those kinds of parties but if she wanted to party...and we were celebrating. I was sure that with Lindsey; I would have loads of fun.

**Chapter 3.**

"I've never met anyone like her!" I was telling Jacob about how amazing my new roommate was. Lindsey had been living with me for a week and I had never been happier. She worked three days a week at an anonymous restaurant. I arranged my hours at the GAP so I wouldn't be home without her. She always cleaned up after herself and she was a cook. She cooked three delicious meals this week. And she was clean and absolutely hilarious. She had a few pet peeves but they weren't so bad, "She is so social. I swear, she's the most social person I've ever met. When we went clubbing, she knew everyone."

"You went clubbing?" Jacob noticed how unlikely it was for me to actually go to a night club.

I laughed, "I did! And I had fun." Lindsey was at work at the moment. They called in for her and she couldn't refuse the extra cash. I had no idea what restaurant was open at this late, but I didn't want to harass her about her personal life.

"Is it me, or have you changed a lot in the last two weeks?"

"You know, life before Lindz is kind of a blur," I joked. Life before Lindz wasn't exactly a blur, it just seemed uninteresting. I started to wonder how I ever had fun before Lindsey.

Jacob laughed, "Did you imprint on this girl or something?"

For a second, I thought back at the first time I saw Lindsey. How I had found her so interesting before she even spoke. Then I frowned, "Of course not." How come every time two people had an unexplainable bond, they always assume said person had imprinted.

"Calm down, Leah. I was kidding." Jacob defended himself.

"Oh! Oh, I know that. I was, uh, kidding." I grimaced at how ridiculous I must have sounded.

"Do you think you imprinted on her?" Jacob asked with concern in his voice.

"I didn't. I can't. It's impossible." It didn't make sense that two people of the same gender would imprint. If imprinting had anything to do with procreation, it made absolutely no sense. Not to mention I was straight. And so was Lindsey. We were both straight.

"I didn't ask if it was possible." Jacob said, "I asked if you thought you'd imprinted on her."

"How could I think that I imprinted." I was getting uncomfortable having this conversation with him, "Jacob, I know what imprinting feels like. I don't feel that for Lindsey."

"How do you feel about her?" Jake questioned.

"Jacob, I'm straight."

"I'm not questioning your orientation, Leah." He waited for me to answer him.

I sighed, "Lindsey makes me laugh. If I am having a bad day, I look forward to seeing her because I know she'll make me forget the crappy stuff. She's also an amazing person. She kind of reminds me of Seth; her chirpy attitude is contagious. We have everything in common...but at the same time she's my opposite...everything I want to be." A smile grew on my face as I realised how much I was starting to care for her. Even though we've only known each other for two weeks, I was so comfortable with her.

"Jeez, Leah, you sound like you're in love." Jacob laughed.

I sat up on my bed frowning, "Shut up, Jake! Why am I talking to you anyways? I'll see you tomorrow."

"Before you hang up," Jake stopped me, "Let me ask you this one question; have you ever looked into Lindsey's eyes before?'

I rolled my eyes, "Of course I have, they're brown." I answered harshly.

"No, Leah, I mean really look into her eyes." He clarified.

"Well, uh..." I didn't understand what he meant. Lindsey and I have had long conversation for hours. What did he mean? We've never had a staring competition if that's what he meant. We were two grown women; we didn't have to play childish games like that to have fun.

"I bet you ten bucks that you imprinted with this girl."

"And I bet that I didn't!" I retorted.

"Bye Leah,"

"You're a jackass." I hung up. I was going to spend the weekend at home in La Push. I was excited to see mom and Seth.

I heard Lindsey coming into the apartment. I jumped off the bed and ran out to meet her.

"Hey Lindz!" I stayed at my bedroom door. I didn't want her to think I was too clingy. I was so happy to see her though. I wanted to jump and dance with her.

"Hey Leah," Lindsey yawned, "I'm pooped." She dragged her feet towards me and kissed my cheek before going to her room that was next to mine. The apartment was a 4 ½ ; two bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen and living room. I initially wanted a one bedroom but they were all out. "What time you leavin' tomorrow?" she asked before taking off her jacket and tossing it on the sofa in the middle of the apartment.

"Early, it's a long drive."

Lindsey sighed and went to bed and I thought about what Jacob had said. It was nonsense. Lindsey was more like the sister god forgot to give me. She wasn't my imprint. Tomorrow morning I was going to look her dead in the eye and prove Jacob wrong; something I was almost giddy to do. I would love to shove it in his big fat nose.

The next morning I woke up early. I had a few hours' drive ahead of me for the day. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I was flossing when Lindsey came in her usual T-shirt and no pants. She got hot at night time.

She yawned, "Morning Leah," she bumped my hip and reached for her tooth brush. She brushed her teeth, "I bought bacon," she told me after spitting in the sink.

"Awesome," I left the bathroom and went in the kitchen. I reached into our old white fridge and got the pork bacon. I threw it on a pan and started humming tunelessly to myself.

"I can't believe you're leaving me." Lindsey pouted and skipped into the small kitchen. The fridge door bumped me when she opened it to get some orange juice, "I'm sad."

"I'll text you, and every time I'm bored I'll call." I promised

"You better." She threatened and poured two glasses of orange juice.

I almost forgot about my conversation with Jacob. I didn't know how to approach Lindsey. I shrugged and just went for it, "You want to hear something funny?" I asked her.

Lindsey's face lightened, "I always want to hear funny things!"

I smiled. If she were my imprint I might've melted. But Lindsey's positive attitude did nothing but put me in a good mood, "We've never really stared into each other's eyes."

Lindsey's face fell flat. She seemed insulted or maybe frightened of what I had said. She turned her head and drank her juice, "Uh...what are you talking about?" she said as if she didn't understand.

"Well, I don't know. I just think it's weird."

"Huh." Was all Lindsey said before heading for the sofa and turning on the plasma screen T.V we got from her house. We were getting cable this weekend.

"Don't you think it would be good for our friendship to...try?" I pressed.

Lindsey's heart sped up and I worried if she was okay. "Uh..." Lindsey swallowed hard, "Okay," she agreed and got up. She walked toward the counter and faced me. Lindsey looked at my face and I looked into her eyes. I didn't feel the rush of emotions that happened when we imprinted, I felt nothing. Yet again, Lindsey's eyes didn't meet mine.

"What are you looking at?" I asked, not understanding the situation. Lindsey wasn't looking at me, except she was looking at me.

Lindsey swallowed hard and took my cup of juice and drank half of it, "Leah, I have a confession to make." Lindsey's heart rushed even faster.

"What's wrong Lindz?" I was concerned and I knew something was bothering her. My heart gave a painful squeeze at the idea that I had upset her.

Lindsey started pacing back and forth, "I have this...thing." she said

I raised an eyebrow, "A thing?" I repeated.

"Okay, not a thing. An issue." She corrected herself.

"Okay..." I pretended to understand and hoped she was going to explain further.

Lindsey's breathing sped up, "I'm sorry. I'm really nervous...I have a sort of...social-phobia."

My eyes widened at the word she had used. I didn't know what a social phobia was. I figured it was a fear of being social. That made no sense because Lindsey was the description of social. She had so many friends and everyone who met her loved her right away. She was popular in high school and middle school. She was a cheerleader for crying out loud. She was the type of girl I hated at school yet I adored her despite her bubble gum attitude. Anti-social was not a word I would've used to describe Lindsey.

"Lindsey...I don't understand..."

"I can't look you in the eye Leah. It scares me." She admitted, "When I look in someone's eyes...I feel like they're boring into me. Like they can see everything I've ever done." She shuddered, "I can't do it."

"Lindsey, you know I would never judge you. You don't do anything."

Lindsey scoffed, "If only you knew," she muttered so low that only someone with superhuman hearing could hear her. Sadly for her, she was in the presence of someone with superhuman abilities, "I try to...look, but it goes terribly. My mouth gets dry, my hands get sweaty and start shaking, I stutter immensely and I wish that I could just run away and hide."

"Oh Lindz," I left the stove and went over to hug her, "I never knew...It's okay, Lindsey, it's no big deal."

"That's the thing, Leah, it is a big deal."

I pulled away from her to look at her face. Lindsey's eyes never met mine. Now that I was aware of it, I didn't understand how I never noticed it. It was obvious that her eyes were wondering. "What do you mean?"

She sighed and turned her head away from me. She did this often but I always thought she was thinking. Now I knew it was something bigger, "Max...we did more than just fool around in high school. We dated, for a long time."

"You guys were in love?" I guessed.

"He was in love. And I was young...and he was rich. We slept together...a lot." She groaned clearly ashamed of her actions.

I grimaced. Something about her confession bothered me. I convinced myself that it was the regret she was feeling. Her regrets were upsetting her and that upset me. "I don't understand what that has to do with your phobia."

"Max didn't understand why I never looked him in the eye. He told me he loved me and I'd look away. We made love and I'd look away. He broke up with me while making love." She laughed a little, "It didn't hurt my feelings and that broke his heart."

I stood there shocked. I hadn't expected that at all. Lindsey had a social-phobia. It didn't fit. She had a very bad case of social-phobia. Such a bad case that it caused her to break someone's heart. It caused her to be broken up with during sex and it didn't hurt hef at all.

"I know," Lindsey said as if she heard all my thoughts, "I'm a monster."

**Chapter 4.**

I grimaced. This was definitely more than I could handle in the morning. I wanted to help her with her problem but I felt so uncomfortable. For the first time, Lindsey made me uncomfortable. "You know, Lindsey, maybe I should go now, I'll get there sooner." I went to my small room. It a gross yellow colour that I wasn't found of. Lindsey suggested to paint it, it was on our 'to do' list. My twin bed was pushed up against a corner and my clothes were still in suit cases. Lindsey and I would go furniture shopping when we had the time and money.

I pulled my shirt over my head and started digging in my suitcase for clothes.

"Great, so now you think I'm a freak." Lindsey said, sounding as if she knew this was going to happen, "Leah, I'm not crazy or anything. I have friends and stuff; I just don't look them in their eyes."

"No, Lindz," I pulled down my pant and put on some dark jeans, "I don't think you're a freak. I just really got to go." I started looking for a shirt.

"Wear red, you look best in red." Lindsey murmured. It came naturally to her to tell me what to wear, she didn't think twice about it, "Are you mad that I didn't tell you sooner or do you think I'm a bad person because of what happened with Maxwell? Leah, no disrespect, but that's none of your business."

I put on the red tank top, "What? No. I don't care about that,"

"Do you want my cardigan? It'll go with your outfit."

I was momentarily distracted. The black cardigan would look good with the dark jeans and red shirt. I shook my head clear, "No Lindz, I'm fine. Give me some laundry though and I'll do it at my mom's house."

Lindsey sighed and went to her room. I heard her turn off the stove before coming back with a big black garbage bag. "Here," she dropped the bag on the floor.

I put on some boots and took the two garbage bags—one with Lindsey's stuff and one with mine—and headed for the door.

"Don't be mad." Lindsey begged.

I dropped the bags at my side to open the door then turned to face her, "I'm not mad," I told her. I was just surprised and I wanted to see my family. A part of me was upset by what Lindsey said but I couldn't place what had upset me and what part of me was feeling upset. It was an odd feeling.

"Look, I can do it." Lindsey grabbed my face and the sudden movement made my heart nearly jump out of chest. It was still hammering as Lindsey closed her eyes to center herself. She opened her eyes and looked at me. She was staring hard at my nose. I rolled my eyes.

"Lindz," I said.

"I'm sorry! I can't!"

"See ya in a few days." I pulled her hands out of my face and starting walking down the hall that had other apartment doors on each side of the wall, "Cable is coming either tonight or tomorrow morning and the chicken in the fridge is about to go bad. I left money for milk and bread on the counter." I called over my shoulder and pressed the button to go down on the elevator. We were on the second floor but I was tired this morning.

The building was a kind of apartment building that housed the kids from the college. We were all students living in this apartment building. I pitied the land lord.

I threw the two bags of laundry in the back seat and started toward Forks then La Push, my home. I couldn't get Lindsey out of my mind; I hoped I didn't upset her. I didn't do anything though, so it would've been ridiculous for me to have hurt her feelings. It was the morning and she shouldn't have come to me with her problems so early.

I was getting angry and childishly turned everything in my head to make it seem like Lindsey had gotten in my face this morning. I felt so much mixed emotions about the conversation this morning. I couldn't explain any of them and that angered me. I started my deep breathing exercises. I turned on my music and tried to tune out the out world as much as I could while driving.

When I got to my house, Seth was already in the driveway with a big smile.

My lips twitched but I didn't smile. I didn't want him to know at what point I was happy to see him. I was probably being dramatic, but he actually looked bigger, but it had only been 3 weeks, he looked the same. I parked my car and got out.

Seth's pulled me into a hug instantly. In the few years, Seth had actually gotten bigger than I was. Something I didn't appreciate at all. A part of me wanted to be bigger than him forever.

"Hey, Seth," I struggled to say and patted his back.

"Leah, I haven't missed you at all." He grinned and went up the steps and into the house.

"I have bags," I informed him.

Seth sighed before coming to my car and getting the two garbage bags, "Here for five seconds and you already telling me what to do." He muttered under his breath.

I chuckled and went up the steps and into my childhood home, "Mom! I'm here!" I was in the living room and yelling at the top of my lungs.

My mom came down the steps with tears in her eyes, "Leah," she crowed and hugged me.

"Okay, mom, it's only been a few weeks," I said even though I was fighting back tears of my own. I hugged my mother and I felt Seth wrap his arms around us both.

"I wanted to be part of the moment." He said.

I laughed and squirmed out of the hug, "Okay, that was fun."

"It'll get funner," my mom smiled, "We're having a little dinner party. Jacob, Quil and your other wolf friends will be attending."

My eyes widened. I knew I'd be seeing them but I didn't know we'd be having a dinner party. I hoped that she didn't mean all my wolf friends.

My mother recognized my horrified expression, "Don't worry, Leah, I didn't invite Sam and Emily. I'm not completely clueless."

I groaned. That was even worse. Now Sam was going to think I was intimidated by him or something. He probably thought I was still crazy for him. I wasn't exactly over him, but I wasn't in love with him either. What I was feeling was my business and now Sam had his own idea of what he shouldn't be thinking about in the first place.

I took out my cell phone and texted Lindsey:

GOT HERE SAFE. LUV U. I sent her the message and smiled at my mom.

Seth chattered about school and sports while mom and I started dinner for 100 people. My mom brought it upon herself to invite my pack, Sam's pack—minus—and she told them to bring a guest if they wanted. I wasn't excited to have all those guys with their imprints. That was most likely going to be their plus one. Who else would they bring? I was frustrated with my mother but I knew she meant well. Sometimes I felt like she didn't know me at all.

We were hardly finished putting the food on the table when someone knocked at the door. It was Jacob.

"Hey Leah," he said while grinning.

"You owe me ten bucks." I smiled smugly.

"Well, hi Jacob. It's been three weeks, how are things?" he made a monologue of what I should have said.

"Hi, Jacob," I rephrased myself, "How are things and where's my ten bucks?"

"You didn't...?" he eyed me suspiciously.

I shook my head, "Can't. Tried, didn't work,"

Jacob sighed and rolled his eyes before digging in his pocket and handing me a wrinkled bill.

"Thank you." I snatched it and put it in my bra. I saw Lindsey do it and it seemed more practical then digging in my pocket all the time.

The house slowly started to fill with more of my old friends. We sat outside on the balcony and ate our food off of plates on our laps. Embry and Quil were there. Jared brought his

Kim and Paul brought his Rachel. I didn't really consider them as friends but they weren't enemies either. I was 90 percent sure that Paul only came because he heard there would be food. I was very surprised when Danielle came. Danielle was a friend of mine from high school. We hadn't stayed in contact after I left for college but she was a friend and a decent human being. Other of my high school friends came too and I was glad to see some of them.

Lindsey crossed my mind way more then what was necessary for my own taste. We sent each other text messages back and forth. It had only been a few hours since I'd left the apartment but I missed Lindsey so much already. I couldn't help but think about what Jacob had suggested. It didn't make sense for me to have imprinted on Lindsey but did anything make sense? It was a stupid thought to have crossed my mind though. I wasn't attracted to Lindz in that way, Lindsey was my best friend. That didn't mean I didn't imprint on her though, I could be her imprint and her best friend. I didn't understand why these thoughts flew in my mind. I didn't want to imprint on Lindsey. If anything, I really didn't want to imprint on her, that would just complicate Lindsey's already complicated life.

As the evening progressed and I saw how the guys were with their imprints, I knew I hadn't imprinted in Lindz. The way they looked at their imprints, they way they held them close to themselves, I knew I hadn't imprinted on her. Lindsey wasn't the sun to a blind man's eyes and I never felt the urge to hold her tight to me. Lindsey was Lindsey, plain and simple.

Don't want to ruin it for y'all, but the punch is coming :) Slurp!

**Chapter 5.**

I had a lot of fun that weekend with my family but I was more than eager to see my happy little roommate. In my car, I was excited and almost jumpy to see her. I stopped at Domino's and picked up a large pepperoni and cheese pizza. The scent was filling the car and my mouth watered.

I parked the car in front of the apartment building and grabbed the pizza. I was so excited to see Lindsey that I forgot the bags of laundry in the trunk. I shuffled in my pocket for my keys and opened the door. I ran up the stairs two steps at a time till I realized how ridiculous I was acting. It was just Lindsey, she wasn't going anywhere. I slowed my pace and walked up the stairs like a normal person. I walked down the halls of the second floor and stopped at my door number. I tried opening the door and it was locked so I used my key.

When I opened my door happiness filled me. I was back at my beloved apartment. I had missed my beige walls and the black leather sofa in the middle of the room, two bedrooms on the right side of the apartment, the kitchen and the bathroom at the left. I was truly blessed to have found this place.

"Leah!" Lindsey squeaked. She ran to me wearing her inside clothes. Her inside clothes consisted of some blue Versace—yeah, Versace—jeans and an ugly navy blue, long sleeved shirt. She said the Versace jeans were inside clothes because they were ugly and too blue. Lindsey was weird like that. The pants were a gift from her rich aunt.

Lindsey had the biggest grin on her face and she grabbed my face when she reached me. My heart hammered in my chest. I didn't know what she was doing.

Lindsey closed her eyes and took deep breaths before looking at me with her big brown eyes.

At that moment, nothing else mattered. It was as if I had found my purpose in life. I wasn't here for school, I wasn't a wolf to protect humans from vampire, I existed for Lindsey. She was all that mattered. She was what was keeping me stable. All the wounds that my heart had ever endured had vanished. Lindz didn't heal me, but offered me another heart, a better heart. She wasn't just everything to me; she was the only thing to me.

I knew what had happened to me. I didn't want it to happen but it did. Even though I was ruing this, I couldn't bring myself to curse it. It was Lindsey, she was my Lindsey. And she was beautiful.

Lindsey's heart raced and I could hear her breath coming up in short gasps. She was probably frightened at the moment, or at least very nervous.

I forced my lips to move and curve upwards to a smile. I wanted her to know that I wasn't judging her. I would never judge her. She was perfect.

Reluctantly, Lindsey pulled her gaze away from mine and started panting, "Woh!" she said breathlessly, "That was really something else. I didn't see that coming. Did you feel it?" When Lindsey looked at me she caught my eye. I felt as though my knees had gone weak.

"Felt what?" I asked clueless. I knew what she was talking about, of course I felt it, but how was I going to tell i her that I felt it?

Lindsey seemed to have gotten lost in my eyes as well. If I could get lost anywhere, it would be in those eyes. It would be like swimming in a lake at midnight. Silent and refreshing, "I...don't know." She answered.

I wasn't sure how long we stood there in silence staring at each other but Lindsey had gotten uncomfortable and spotted the box of pizza. I could've stayed there for hours looking at her beautiful, flawless face. I never noticed how amazing it was. I was so awed by the fact that I had found my other half—my soul mate—that I didn't pause to ask myself questions. Like why was I so hopelessly in love with this girl. It was odd that I hadn't realised that I was looking at a girl.

"You got pizza." Lindsey smiled shyly. She reached for the pizza and walked to the kitchen counter.

"Did we get cable?" I asked nonchalantly and passed her into the kitchen to get some drinks.

"It came a few hours after you left, actually."

"Any good channels?"

"Um...yeah," Lindsey opened the box and inhaled the pizza. I was afraid that now that me and Lindz had imprinted it would be awkward between the both of us. But of course, with Lindsey Alexandria Craig there was never a dull moment. "F! That's good."

I chuckled, "Yeah, I didn't get the meat lovers 'cause I know you hate that."

"Ugh! I do! It looks like you could literally feel your arteries clogging."

I laughed, "I like it."

"Pig," she muttered and giggled.

I laughed louder and took out two cans of soda. I pushed the can of diet soda to Lindz and she smiled with a mouth full of pizza. She was so darn cute!

We sat on the sofa watching some good old cable T.V. We chowed down the whole pizza and Lindsey was breathless from all the food she ate.

"Did you go to yoga today?" I asked Lindsey. Lindsey and I went to yoga together on weekends when we had time. For Lindsey, it probably was a pretty dry weekend which meant she had time.

"Yeah, I went with Leslie."

I felt my body stiffen automatically and jealousy flooded me. The thought of being replaced by some random stranger made my stomach clench, "The bartender?" my voice came out harsher then I meant it to.

Lindsey didn't notice my tone, "She's a friend." Lindsey shrugged, "I called her and we went out."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now."

"Oh! Yeah. Right." I felt stupid for bombarding her like that. So what if she hung out with Leslie. Leslie was nice...she was also pretty. Prettier than me? Maybe. She was probably even hot if you were into the Kat Von D type thing. Lindsey wasn't into that...was she?

I was slapped by some sense. What did I care if Lindsey was into that kind of thing? Lindsey was straight...and so was I, I thought.

"Oh! Shoot! Look at the time!" Lindsey exclaimed, "I have a class early in the morning. So I'm going to take my shower then go to sleep." She went on her knees and kissed my cheek. My heart raced and the skin on my cheek tingled. Lindsey always kissed me on the cheek. Why was it doing this to me?

Lindsey scampered into the bathroom and I lied down on the sofa.

I had imprinted. My life wasn't my life anymore. It was a string that was now braided with Lindsey's life. I wasn't my first priority anymore, Lindsey was. It was ironic that I actually wanted this. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. What did all this mean? Was I gay now?

Wait. No. I wasn't gay—lesbian, whatever—I liked boys—men. I had dated plenty of men. I dated Sam and...I frowned at my short list of exes that included Sam and two other boys in middle school. I wasn't lesbian. I thought I'd know that simple fact about myself. It wasn't brain surgery or a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, it was sexual orientation. I liked boys—men. Ugh!

"Don't look, I'm indecent!" Lindsey said and I heard her bare feet run across the apartment.

Despite the key words don't look, I sat up anyways to look. It was as if every time someone told you not to look at something, that's when you wanted to look the most. I shouldn't have looked, although, I didn't regret it at all. Lindsey came running out in nothing but panties. Hot pink, frilly underwear.

My heart sped up and I felt my throat close up completely, "Sorry," I chocked. Lindsey surely didn't hear me. I lied back down and breathed heavily. I saw Lindsey naked! I had already seen her in an underwear and bra—we were roommates—but not completely naked. I felt bad for thinking about it—Lindsey wasn't aware that I saw her—it was so sleazy. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else. It was impossible to think of something else. Images of her long smooth legs, her small waist, her perfect breasts... She was truly gifted.

Lindsey came out of her room with a handful of clothes that she held to her chest, thus covering herself.

I was gross. I actually hoped that she would drop an article of clothing so that I would be able to see her boobs again. Hadn't I seen enough a few short seconds ago?

"Sorry," she giggled and closed the bathroom door behind her.

"My pleasure," I bit my tongue and plopped back into the sofa.

I tried to convince myself that I was normal, that all girls went through a certain time in their life when they found a girl extremely attractive in a sense that they've never been more attracted to any man this way, ever. I was going through that phase. I wasn't lesbian, just...confused...because of the imprint. The imprint was making me think that Lindsey was my life partner when actually; she was just my best friend. That made enough sense to me. I looked at the T.V and tried to see the images, but all I saw was Lindsey; her eyes, her smile, her gorgeous cheek bones...butt cheeks.

"Ugh!" I got up and stomped to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and looked inside it. It was full of food. I wasn't hungry; I had just eaten 2/3 of a pizza, I was just trying to distract myself, to think of something other than my amazing imprint. She was so perfect and amazing. My imprint was way better than the other wolves imprint. She was prettier than Sam's imprint and smarter than Paul's imprint, she was nicer then Jared's imprint and way cuter the Quil's imprint. I had the best best friend/imprint ever. Best friend; that worked.

Lindsey came out of the bathroom and stood up straight in hopes that she was nude again. I was too hopeful to be disgusted by myself.

She wasn't naked but she was gorgeous. Her full, luscious lips were stretched into the most gorgeous smile I had ever had the luck to see, "Night." She kissed her two fingers and stretched them towards me. I leaned towards her and she touched my lips.

I felt my knees go weak and I had to grab hold of the counter to not collapse.

Oh, yeah, I was so gay.


	2. Chapter 6 to 12

**Chapter 6.**

I had probably made a lot of progress. I wasn't a pro on homosexuality or anything but I figured that admitting to yourself that you were gay was a good thing. I went on a few sites—because to be honest, I had no idea what I was doing—and read some interesting stuff. I felt proud of myself from the things I read. Coming out to myself was an important step that I went through with ease. In some way, I was reborn. The site explained worries that I might have had. I didn't have any of those worries like; would I ever have kids and get married? I already wasn't able to have kids so my being gay didn't jeopardize that. As for getting married, I never found a guy who interested me. Would I be discriminated against or made fun of? I wasn't afraid of anyone. I would dare them to discriminate against me. I would mess them up. I was gay. So what? Did they want a fight 'cause I would give them a fight? Would my family still love me? I tried not thinking about that one. I wasn't exactly planning on telling people till I was positive it was the right thing to do. I just wanted to live my life the way I wanted to live it. My family should have known it if I didn't. When I looked back at it...it was kind of obvious. I liked sports, I never wore makeup and I wasn't interested in any guys. How didn't I see it?

Lindsey crossed my mind of course, she was my light; she had made me see. If it weren't for her, I might have been living a lie for the rest of my life. I might have actually gotten married to some poor sap without ever knowing my true self. I was a lesbian.

I tried to make the word fit but it was hard. It wasn't that I wasn't comfortable with it, it was just so different to me. I never saw myself that way and now, all of a sudden, I was gay. Did that mean I had to move to the village?

I was confused about a lot of things but one. Lindsey. I knew that I wanted her. I never wanted something more than how I wanted Lindsey. I had no idea whether she was gay or straight, but I was going to find out. I didn't have the patients to just live with her and not knowing. If by any chance Lindsey was...straight, then I would let it go. No hard feelings, she couldn't control being straight as much as I couldn't control being lesbian. I wished that it was that simple, that it wouldn't hurt me at all. It would've been just my luck. I turned out to be gay and Lindsey was still straight.

I was in love again, and it felt good. I had forgotten how good it felt to be in love with someone. Lindsey made me feel like I could do anything I wanted. She really made me a better person, I always wanted to do my best for Lindsey, she deserved the best.

I looked at my watch and sighed. I wanted my shift to end so that I could cook the pork that was sitting in the fridge. I continued folding the pile of blue jeans. I was frustrated with folding them for the third time today. Every time I folded them another customer just unfolded them. It was pointless. Lindsey was working at whatever mystery restaurant she worked at. I never knew and never cared. But now that we were imprinted, I felt the sudden urge to know everything about her, including where she worked. I was never really curious as to where she worked. She clearly didn't like talking about and suddenly I wondered why. She never came home complaining about work. Was that a good sign or a bad sign? Where the hell did she work?

My shift finally ended and I punched out in a rush. I got in my car and drove to the bus station that I usually picked Lindsey up from work. It never bothered me before, but now I wondered why she didn't want me picking her up from work.

Lindsey was sitting on the bench waiting patiently with earphones in her ears. She caught sight of my car and danced over to me.

I studied her quickly to make sure she was okay. She was in perfect shape; I guessed it was an imprint thing for me to worry.

She sat in the front seat and smiled at me, ''Hey Leah,'' her eyes met mine when she addressed me. My heart fluttered at the utter beauty in those dark eyes. She was so immaculate in every way.

''Hey Lindz. How was your day?''

''I had a good day, a really good day; an awesome tipper, we should eat out today, on me.''

''We have pork chops in the....'' Lindsey grimaced at the word pork chop which led me to trail off, ''Where did you have in mind?''

''I really want a Big Mac.''

''McDonalds it is then.'' I started toward the McDonalds then remembered my curiosity for her, "Lindz, where do you work?''

''A restaurant,'' She answered too quickly.

I laughed, ''What kind of restaurant?''

Lindsey heart stuttered uneasily, ''We sell burgers and chicken wings, that kind of stuff.''

I suddenly felt worry for my imprint. She was hiding something from me, it was obvious, ''Lindz...what's wrong?''

''Nothing.''

''Lindz, is there something you're not telling me about this restaurant?''

Lindsey sighed, ''Leah, apparently I'm a pretty girl.''

''You're way more than pretty; you're beautiful Lindsey. Absolutely gorgeous.'' I felt good to tell her what I thought of her. She didn't notice the adoration in my voice but it was there.

''Thanks Leah, I think you're beautiful too...Anyways, looking a certain way can get you certain jobs and...I have one of those jobs. I'm not proud of it but, hell, I get tips so...''

A sickened feeling struck me. Lindsey worked at a place that only pretty girls worked at? She was getting tips? Rage filled my body and so did disgust. How could my Lindsey do such a thing? My assumption was grotesque but it did make sense. Why else would she be so ashamed? ''Lindsey Craig, please tell me you're not a stripper.''

''What?!'' Lindsey squeaked, ''A...stripper? Me? NO! Of course not.'' Lindsey was shocked of my assumption and most of me was relieved by her objection to the profession. Porn star was out as well.

"So what do you do?"

Lindsey's face was pained and I wanted to reach over and soothe her face, "Leah, one step at a time okay? I'm already stressed out with the whole eye contact thing, you knowing the real me will just stress me out more."

I frowned at her use of words but otherwise let it go. The real me? I felt a sick twist in my stomach, the feeling that Lindsey was hiding something from me was boiling in my blood. We drove to McDonalds and went thru the drive thru. The conversation from earlier was quickly forgotten and we were acting like our normal selves. We decided that tomorrow was the right day to paint my bedroom. We decided to paint it lime green, Lindsey said that if we got some chestnut coloured furniture it would look—quote—epic.

So the next day, we put on our ugliest, messed up tattered t-shirt and shorts and started clearing my room. It was amazing, even in short jean shorts and a stretched out white t-shirt, Lindsey was still stunning. Her curly hair was pulled up in a bun. She was so beautiful it was almost painful to watch.

I knew I was in love every time I looked at her. My heart sped up and my stomach fluttered at the sound of her laugh. She had the most amazing laugh.

"What?" Lindsey smiled self-consciously after realising I was staring at her, "Do I have something on my face?" she rubbed her face and nose.

"Oh, no, you're perfect. As usual."

Lindsey rolled her eyes and picked up the blue tape and tossed it at me, "Put the tape at the corners and, blah blah...You know the drill." She picked up another roll of the painting tape and got to work. It only took a few minutes to finish applying the tape. Then we started with the painting.

"I love painting!" Lindsey chirped and started rolling the paint on the wall with the roller.

Painting a room was one of those it sounds like a good idea things. In perspective, painting your own room was smart. It would only take a few short hours, it was cheaper and it would be fun. But after 2 hours of painting and only doing half the room was enough to piss anyone off.

"I hate painting!" Lindsey pouted and set her roller in the on the news paper that was scattered on the floor. She headed off to the CD player that we had put on the floor for entertainment. Her Nelly CD had finally played its last song.

I continued painting the walls as Lindsey went onto the FM radio and searched for a decent radio station. She gasped, "Ooh!" she screamed, "Remember this Leah?"

The song that was playing was extremely familiar. I grinned when I recognized the high pitched voice of the odd looking man. The artist formally known as Prince.

"This is my part Leah!" Lindsey turned up the volume and started to dance and sing along, "You don't have to be rich to be my girl you don't have to be cool to rule my world. Ain't no particular sound ain't no compatible with I just want your extra time and your" Lindsey had approached me and gotten in my face to blow kisses in my face five times, "kiss."

We busted into laughter and continued painting the walls with a little more jump in our step. Lindsey squealed in delight when the Spice Girls came on. She didn't think one Spice song was enough so she popped in the best hits CD.

Lindsey was so amazing. She made painting a room fun. She made things that I would never find fun fun. She made the Spice Girls fun. She must've had some sort of super power.

We were both gasping for air from laughter.

"Stop making me laugh!" Lindsey hit my shoulder and crouched to breathe.

I was laughing too, I couldn't help it, she was just too funny.

"God, I love you," she stood straight and hugged me while laughing, "Seriously."

I hugged her back. I held her small body to me and got my breathing intact. She soothed me.

Both our breathing got back to normal and we were just holding each other.

"I love you Lee." She whispered against my chest.

"I love you to Lindsey."

She looked up at me and her brown eyes meeting mine shocked me with its beauty. Every time I saw them it was like looking at them for the first time, over and over again. I had her this close, I couldn't just let her go. I didn't know if another opportunity like this one would come. I ignored my pounding heart and lowered my face to Lindsey's.

She didn't pull away; I considered that a good sign. Lindsey's eyes closed and her heart sped up as well. I felt her sweet breath on the tip of my tongue and I actually thought I had won. I actually thought that my life would be easy going.

Of course not.

"Oops." Lindsey backed away from me and skipped to the other side of the room, "Uh, uh, uh," She squeezed her eyes shut then pulled herself together, "Wow, we're almost done! That's, uh great!" Lindsey pretended as if nothing happened. As if we weren't just inches away from kissing five seconds ago. My stomach clenched, I felt as though I could vomit. I was sure that I would be able to hear the small crack in my new heart forming. She was going to kiss you I tried to convince myself. She was inches away. I could still feel her breath in my mouth. I was hurt by the fact that she turned away from me, that she had stopped the most amazing thing that could ever happened to the either of us.

I looked around at the room, 3 out of the 4 walls were painted. She was right, we were almost done. But we still had at least an hour and a half work left, at least, "Huh," was all I could say.

"You know who could help us?" Lindsey didn't wait for me to answer, "Maxwell."

I grimaced and speak clearly, cleared my throat so I could "Lindz, we're almost done, we really don't—"

"Come on Leah. We have at least two hours of work left. With Maxwell, we'll be done in hopefully half the time."

"I don't know..."

"I'll call him." She ran out of the room.

I was fuming when she left the room. I felt as though I could just burst in to tear, "Damn it!" I muttered, "Ugh!"

"Hey, Maxi," Lindsey spoke flirtatiously on the phone in the other room, "Babe, I really need you."

"What's up Lindz?" Max asked.

"Me and Leah have a really dirty job we need help with."

I could almost hear the grin on Max's face, "I'll be there in ten."

"Bring some old ugly clothes, 'kay?"

"Yup," Max hung up the phone.

I walked over to the wall we hadn't panted yet and started banging my head against the wall. "Screw me. Screw me."

**Chapter 7.**

**Lindsey's POV.**

I was laughing with Leah. It was something we did often. Laugh together. She was the funniest person I knew. I was laughing so hard that it was painful. I begged Leah to stop making me laugh so that I could breathe but she continued to laugh which caused me to laugh.

"God, I love you. Seriously." I hugged Leah and we continued laughing in each other's arms. Eventually, we both settled down and we were just there, holding each other. It was nice. Leah was so warm and comfortable to hold. I loved how good she made me feel, "I love you, Lee." I told her. She was my best friend. In my years on this earth, I never felt this much love for anyone. I would kill and die for Leah. I really couldn't imagine living without her at this point in my life.

"I love you too, Lindsey," She said the words almost as lovingly as I did. I wondered for a minute if it were possible for Leah to love me as much as I loved her. I doubted it could be. I was clearly insane for being so attached to her.

I looked up at her, I caught her eye and had that weird feeling again. That inexplicable pull towards Leah that I felt that very first day I saw her brown eyes. They were supposed to be brown, nothing special, just a dark brown. But to me, those deep brown eyes were absolutely breathtaking. Which didn't make sense because I had brown eyes, but Leah's eyes said so much more, they were loving and caring but at the same time hurt, I could always tell when someone had a rough life.

The pull I was feeling towards Leah was overwhelming me. She was so close and it felt more than just nice, it felt amazing. I could be held by her forever. I wanted to be closer to her, if it were even possible...

Leah's face lowered to mine and I wasn't surprised at all. Part of me was happy that she was willing to take this step. I wasn't aware of what my body was doing but I knew I didn't want it to stop.

My eyes closed on their own and my toes stretch to meet Leah. I wanted her lips on mine. I wanted her to kiss me. When Leah hot breath lingered on my tongue, reality hit me like ice water. What was I doing? Leah was a girl! I was a girl. It was wrong. Dead wrong. I had nothing against gay people at all. I loved them even. But me being gay, it couldn't be.

It caused me physical pain to reject her and push away, "Oops," I backed away from her afraid what I would do if she were in my reach. I tried to think clearly but it was hard with the tip of my tongue still being warm from Leah's breath, "Uh, uh, uh," I stuttered and squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't understand myself at the moment. I wanted to kiss Leah. I liked men. I knew that about myself. I wasn't confused about my sexuality. I wasn't till now. I wasn't in any mood to think of this. I had to put it off.

I looked around the room and noticed that one wall was left unpainted, "Were almost done. That's, uh, great!"

"Huh," was Leah's response after staring at me in shock for a few seconds. I felt my heart squeeze painful because I knew Leah knew. She had noticed how close we came to kissing, how close we came to an actual embrace. It would've been amazing if we kissed. It would be like two pieces of a puzzle finding each other. It would have be perfect.

That train of thought was inacceptable and I had to snap out of it. The idea that flashed through my mind made me want to squeal and skip over to Leah and kiss her, which was ironic since my idea was supposed to make me not want to kiss Leah.

"You know who could help us?" I said, "Maxwell," I suggested with a huge smile on my face. I wondered if Leah could see the fake happiness I wore. She did grimace but I didn't know why. Maxwell was a good guy and I was sure he wouldn't mind doing me this huge favour.

"Lindz, we're almost done, we really don't—" Leah started to complain and I cut her. She would definitely be able to talk me out of getting Maxwell but I needed him.

"Come on Leah. We have at least two hours of work left. With Maxwell, we'll be done in hopefully half the time."

"I don't know..." Leah was reluctant but I didn't let it bother me. My life was more important than having fun with Leah. I couldn't like like Leah, it would ruin my life. My parent would be furious. They'd disown me.

"I'll call him." I ran to my beige room and jumped into my small twin sized bed. In my purse next to my bed was my cell phone. My fingers brushed against my work uniform and my throat tightened. I wondered what Leah would think of me if she knew where I worked. She was such a feminist and my job was sort of demining. I was never ashamed of what I did. It was sort of a dream of mine to where the tight t-shirt and short orange shorts, put the biggest smile on my face and say the famous sentence Hi, welcome to Hooters! I never had a problem with my jobs. I was a naturally born flirt so I got paid. I just wanted to be worthy of Leah's friendship.

I sigh and dialled the familiar number on my iPhone.

"Hey Lindz," Maxwell answered at the second ring.

I grinned, this was going to be easier than I thought, "Hey Maxi," I chanted, "Babe, I really need you." I imagined that Maxwell was shocked of the name I called him. I only called my lovers babe. When Maxwell dumped me that night, senior year, I dumped the word babe. He wasn't my babe. I wasn't sour about the sex breakup although I knew I should've been.

"What's up Lindz?" Max asked.

"Me and Leah have a really dirty job we need help with." I hoped the sentence was as sexually referring as I thought it was.

"I'll be there in ten." Maxwell accepted instantly. I rolled my eyes. I knew Maxwell, he thought we were going to have a threesome or something. He wouldn't be too disappointed though.

"Bring some old ugly clothes, 'kay?"

"Yup," Max hung up the phone.

I smiled in satisfaction at myself. I tried hard not to think of the woman in the next room. I tried not think about how beautiful and perfect and even how sexy she was.

I was really in lack of it. How long had it been since the last time I'd screwed. My eyes widened when I realised it had been way over two months. No wonder I was all lesbo. I hadn't seen a man naked in way longer than what was healthy.

I wasn't surprised when Max was at the door less than ten minutes later. He probably really wanted to get laid. Maxwell still had feelings for me. He was in love with me apparently. I doubted that, he just liked having sex with me, there was nothing else. He thought he was in love with me. I knew what love was, I didn't want to admit it but I knew exactly what love was.

I pulled the loose t-shirt behind me and tied it so that it looked a little tighter. I pulled the elastic out of my hair and shook it for it to be more voluminous. I opened the door and smiled seductively at Maxwell.

He was really cute. His cocky grin made me giggle like crazy in high school. We were sort of made to date each other in high school. I was the cheerleader and he was on the soccer team. I didn't date the quarter back or anything. The quarter back got the cheer captain pregnant.

"Hi, Maxwell," I bit my lip and took his hand, "Welcome to my home." I pulled him in and he closed the door behind him.

"Nice place you got here," Maxwell looked around and nodded.

"Thanks," I smiled when I noticed he was wearing tattered sweatpants and an old grey t-shirt. In his hand, he had decent clothes, "We're painting."

"I can smell that." He tossed his clean clothes on the sofa and he walked around Leah's bed that was in front of her bedroom door and went inside her room, "Hey Leah."

Leah's smile was fake and pissed. She turned away and continued painting.

I felt bad for making her mad but she had to understand that I couldn't just let everything go. I was straight.

Maxwell picked up the painting roller and started painting the same wall as Leah. She stood as far away from Max as possible. That's when I realised Leah didn't like Maxwell very much. I shrugged it off. People either found Maxwell's personality endearing or irritating. I found him both. He was irritating at time but I knew that he was capable of being really sweat.

"Thanks for the help Maxi," I ran my hands up and down Maxwell's back feeling his toned muscles. I convinced myself that this was hot. That his masculine built turned me on. The soft, slender, smooth skin that I desired was wrong. The hard muscles were perfect."You're the best." I wrapped my arms around his waist and he continued painting. Maxwell had a great body.

"Anything for you, Lindz, don't sweat it."

"I'm going to have to repay you." I squeezed him tighter.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know," I stretch onto the tip of my toes and flicked his earlobe with my tongue, "Something fun,"

Maxwell chuckled, "Sounds good." He hurried with the painting and stayed quiet while painting, staring at nothing but the wall. When they were done painting the last patch in the wall, I helped clean, throwing all the news paper in the recycling bin.

Maxwell followed behind me the whole time and turn to grin at him, "You ready?" I licked my lips and step towards him.

"Always ready for you." Maxwell grabbed my face and kissed me.

Kissing Maxwell was easy. I'd been doing it since the ninth grade. I knew him and he knew me. If anyone could clear my head, it was him. We stepped on each other's feet as we blindly made our way to my room. He closed the door behind us and we proceeded.

I sat down on my bed with Maxwell standing over me and I pulled my shirt over my head. Maxwell did the same. I hurried to pull down his pants. I had to see him naked. I had to know what a man looked like, sounded like, tasted like, I needed a man.

"Lindz, this isn't a race." He grabbed my wrist.

I pouted, "Don't you want to have fun?" I sat up and kissed his ear and down his throat.

"I've missed this," he sighed.

"Mh hm," I pulled him on top of me and pulled him into a deep embrace.

"I love you, Lindz," I didn't hear the words as Maxwell said them. I was busy unbuttoning my pants. I kept thinking of Leah. Part of me wanted to be with her instead of with Max. I pushed that thought away and concentrated on the sex. I had to concentrate on sex with Maxwell.

Maxwell started kissing down my throat and chest. My breathing was coming in short gasps as he kissed down my stomach.

"You're so sexy, Lindz,"

I was getting frustrated with the conversation he was trying to keep up, "F**k Max. Screw me already."

Max was shocked but otherwise did what he was told.

I had to be straight. Sex couldn't be that good if I were gay. I tried to be respectful to Leah but it was hard. Our moans were loud and the thumping was hard. Max was so good at what he did. And I wasn't half bed myself.

Our breath was heavy as we both gasped for air.

"Wow!" I laughed and sat up, "Max, you—you've really..."

"Thanks, you were great, as usual,"

"I know."I got and of bed and I slipped into some jeans and a white tank top.

Maxwell was just staring at me in confusion.

I looked at him and met his eye for the very first time ever. His caramel eyes peered into mine and I felt my heart start racing. His eyes appeared fierce to me when he had most likely not changed his expression.

Slut his eyes were telling me. At least that what I felt like he was telling me. He knew what I was thinking and he thought I sick and wrong because of it. He knew about my gay thought and he thought they were wrong. I pulled my eyes away from him and try to calm my breathing. Calm down Lindz, he not saying anything.

"I'll never get over how hot you are," Maxwell started getting dressed and I looked at the wall all the while. I felt a sick feeling and I didn't like it at all. I didn't understand what it was. Was it guilt? Did I feel bad for having sex with Max?

I looked at the big grin on his face and shook my head. I couldn't have felt guilty. I had done a good deed. I had reclaimed my heterosexuality, everybody won.

Maxwell put on his good clothes and I walked him to the door.

"Thanks again," I said leaning on the opening of the door.

"Anytime," He knelt in kiss me and I felt my head turn away from his. It was unintentional.

Leah stared at me in shock and I felt the jolt again when our eyes met. Leah. She was so beautiful and perfect. I thought back to every good moment we'd had together and my heart fluttered. I was becoming frustrated with myself and turned to Maxwell.

His eyebrows were narrowed and I kissed his lips.

"We can study tomorrow if you like." I suggested playing with the buttons on his shirt and running my fingers up his chest and around his neck.

Maxwell understood what I meant by study. It was our code word for fool around when I was a virgin and wasn't ready to have real sex. We'd both grown a lot since then.

"I'd love to study you tomorrow," he grinned.

"Ugh!" Leah threw something on the ground and slammed a door behind her.

It wasn't normal that I wanted so desperately to make things okay with Leah, so I focused on Maxwell and added, "And the next day, and the next day..."

**Chapter 8.**

"Ooh! Oh God," Lindsey's moans were getting louder and louder.

I bit the inside of my check and tried to concentrate on the book I was reading. I was hoping to read ahead so that I could get some sleep in class, something I was hardly able to do here with Lindsey screaming in the other room.

Screams was probably a bit harsh, Lindsey wasn't screaming but with my ultra sensitive hearing that I still had she might as well have. I was furious at the moment. I couldn't believe she was doing this to me. She was in there with Max while I was here with a stupid book.

Max groaned and the loud thudding continued. The thudding was still loud and hard and it had been going on for 3o minutes now. Didn't they ever get tired?

I dug in the new chestnut night table I got and took out my iPod. I put my headphones in my ears and before I could turn on the music Lindsey and Max gave me the honour to hear them scream and curse as they climaxed. At least they were done. I turned on my music and stuck my nose back in my book. That's when the banging started again. I could feel my own bed moving as they banged against the wall. That disturbed me a bit since Lindsey bed wasn't on this side of the wall, her dresser was. Oh, that was so sick.

I threw my book on the floor and stomped to the other room. I knocked aggressively at Lindsey's bedroom door. Smoke was practically fuming from my nostrils.

"What?" Max called not opening the door. Lindsey was still grunting in the background.

"What?" I whispered to myself. I had half the nerve to kick the door down and pull him off Lindsey. She didn't want him, she couldn't want him. The only reason I didn't go in there and screw Lindsey—which was an awful word to describe it—was because I knew that everybody had different ways to figure things out. Lindsey had to come out of the closet willingly, not be dragged out by me. Max was an ass none the less.

"I'm leaving." I said. It was a Friday night and instead of hanging out with my awesome roommate like I usually did I was going to go to the library then spend the weekend at my mom's house. Fun.

"Who cares?" Max replied.

I growled and clenched my fist.

"What?" Lindsey breathed. I heard some moving around then Lindsey opened the door with her sheet wrapped around her. The fact that she was just in there having sex with Max didn't matter anymore because Lindsey was here and beautiful. All my anger vanished, "Where are you going?" Lindsey asked seeming a bit worried.

I was a little flustered by her beauty that it took me a second to answer, "I'm going to my house; in La Push."

Lindsey frowned, "But it's late."

"Well there's nothing to do here." I shrugged.

"Don't be silly, Lee. We're going out! I'll get dressed!" She smiled, "Do the same," she told me before shutting the door.

I sighed and went to my room to get dressed.

"Where you we?" Max said.

"Get dressed," Lindsey said.

"Notice I'm still hard." He complained.

"Sorry,"

"Sorry?" he repeated.

"What else do you want from me?" she demanded.

"I want you to finish what you started," He grumbled.

"You're such an ass."

I snickered. Even though I really wasn't okay with what Lindsey was doing, we did have the same thoughts about Max.

I just put on a black tank top, some pale, ripped jeans and some black heals that seemed to be my uniform for going out with Lindsey. No matter where we went, a black tank and jeans was always appropriate. I sat in the living and watched the T.V.

Lindsey came out in a black and white dress, black heals and the cutest geek glasses that she really didn't need. She looked so beautiful, as usual, but it still took my breath away. I stood up the second she entered the room.

"Where are we going?" I finally found the strength to speak actual words.

"We're going to the club. We're going to party!" She squeaked.

"Why?" Max came out fully clothed and frowning. I glared at him. What the hell was he sulking about? He just finished having sex with the most beautiful woman in this world. When was the last time I had sex with anyone. 4 years ago? God, he was a prick.

"To celebrate,"

"Celebrate what?" Max asked.

"Um...TGIF; thank goodness it's Friday! That only happens once a week." Lindsey's smile shed light on my whole crappy week. I felt as though I hadn't seen it in eons. It felt nice to look at her face for a long minute.

"Pass." Max walked towards the front door, "I'm out." Why did he have to ruin everything? I didn't care he was leaving but afraid that it would upset Lindz to see him go.

"Whatever." Lindsey replied, "See if I care."

"Go to hell Lindz," Max slammed the front door behind him.

"Oh, f**k you Max!" she yelled at the door.

"That what I have you for," he shouted at the other side of the door.

Was he insane? Hell no, he was not talking to Lindsey like that.

"That ass h**e is going down," I said and walked towards the door. I was going to show him some manners. It was just plain rude to sleep with someone then tell them to go to hell. Especially to a lady. I was going to kill him. Beating the hell out of him would be easy and fun. I couldn't remember the last time I had made somebody bleed.

"Don't listen to him Lee," Lindsey finally spoke, "He, uh, he's just mad." She cleared her throat, "Let's wait a few seconds then go." She suggested looking at the ground. She was hurt by what he had said. My hands that were shaking steadied and I walked towards Lindsey to make her feel better.

"You can do so much better Lindsey," I told her.

"He can do so much better," She corrected me.

"That's not true. He's Prick, he can't."

She giggled, "He is a jerk isn't he?"

"Yes,"

Lindsey headed for the door, "Because of me." She added.

I narrowed my eyes and we left the apartment after locking the doors.

"He used to be so sweet." She went on as we went down the stairs, "I swear. Cocky but really nice...to me anyways. I just messed with his head too much."

"Lindz..." I didn't know how to answer her. Was she looking for advice or just telling me about Max? I stayed quiet.

Lindsey was smiling again once we were in the car. It made me wonder how much she really cared about Max. If it only took a few seconds for her to get over the rude things he said to her, she couldn't have liked him that much. I couldn't help but hope that the reason she didn't care about Max was because she cared about me.

We arrived at Lindsey's favourite club and walked pass the line like we always did.

"Hey Ruffus!" Lindsey and I greeted our favourite Channing Tatum look alike—the bouncer at the club.

"Hey L's! It's been a while." He jutted his bottom lip, making a puppy dog face that looked strange on his muscular face.

"It's been 2 weeks." Lindsey rolled her eyes.

"I was starting to think you were cheating on me." He grinned playfully.

"My heart is only yours Ruffus." Lindsey assured him, "You should know that by now."

"Save a dance for me?"

"Always do." We walked into the always crowded club and took a seat at the bar. Leslie—the bartender—had her back turned to us, shaking some shinny containers to make some alcoholic drinks. Her red lips stretched into a grin when she saw us.

"Well How-dy!" she said, "How've y'all been?" She spoke in her usual thick southern accent.

"We're great." I answered.

"Honky dory!" Lindsey added then gasped, "Oh damn this is sooo my song. Lee, please dance with me." She asked but pulled me towards the dance floor before I could even answer. Dancing was becoming more and more familiar to me. Lindsey had made me a more confident person. Dancing in public came more naturally to me to the point that I actually enjoyed it.

Of course, my being gay changed the way I saw things. Lindsey's suggestive dance moves made my heart nearly jump out of my chest. Her scent was hot and steaming around me causing my head to spin

To the outside world, we danced like to girlfriends—as in girls who were friends—having a good time at a party. But between me and Lindsey, the sexual tension was building up; she had to have felt it to.

Our bodies were close together as we danced face to face. Another opportunity arose and I couldn't hesitate to take it. Lindsey noticed the opportunity as well. It wasn't the most romantic place in the world, we both knew it, but the fact that it was each other would make the moment more than perfect.

Lindsey lifted her head to mine as if making the first move.

Was this really it? Was I really going to kiss Lindz? With her scent surrounding me I could almost guess how she tasted. We were encircled by people but in my head it was just me and Lindsey, pure perfection.

It happened again, her breath lingered on my tongue. Memories of our last incident flashed through my mind and I refused to let that happen again. Reacting on impulse, I grabbed Lindsey's face and kissed her. Our lips actually touched sending fireworks, electric currents, butterflies, everything that signified the perfect kiss shot through my body.

Her lips were so soft and cool but my lips felt as though they were on fire. Lindsey hands caressed mine that were securely cupping her face.

At first Lindsey pulled away, but of course she felt the pull as well. Not only was she my imprint—that was a minor detail—but we were in love. Her lips moved with mine in ways I never felt before. I forgot every bad thing that had ever happened to me. If I had remembered them, I wouldn't have regretted them because if one thing in my past had changed, I might not be where I was at that moment; kissing the most beautiful person in the world.

I couldn't feel anger or jealousy towards Max. She had kissed him and let him have her completely yet he spoke to her so rudely. I couldn't imagine ever yelling at her or even being angry with her. It seemed impossible.

Again, Lindsey pulled away and I reluctantly allowed her to break our kiss.

Lindsey eyes were red and full of tears. My heart shattered in a million pieces. I had never seen Lindsey close to tears before and the fact that she was this upset after our first kiss hurt me.

"I'm sorry," she said and walked past me.

I stood there frozen. What had I done? Had I ruined something amazing? I couldn't have made a bad situation. That kiss was magical. It couldn't have been a mistake. I couldn't think of it that way. I turned to look in the direction Lindsey had gone in.

Leslie was gapping at me and I stared at her back. She immediately understood that I was looking for Lindsey and yelled the word washroom, then point to her left and told me to go.

I nodded and ran past the bar to the smelly washrooms. The men's room and woman's room were set one next to the other. The light bulbs in the bathrooms made the room seem blue-ish.

There were only three stalls in the small women's room so Lindsey quiet sobs echoed through the room.

I couldn't use my voice as I listened to the heart breaking sound of Lindsey's crying. She was always so happy and chirpy; I didn't even know she was capable of crying. It really broke my heart. As magical as the kiss was, if it hurt her this much, how could it be so beautiful? I wanted to regret it, but I couldn't.

"This can't be happening." Lindsey whimpered, "Please don't make this happen."

I stayed very quiet. I felt bad for listening in on Lindsey private conversation with herself or maybe god, but I had to know what she was thinking, I had to make it better.

"Leah doesn't love you." She whispered in a voice so low that if I were human and standing right next to her, I still wouldn't have heard her. "She can't love you and you can't love her. Get over it." Then she started to sob.

My heart quickened frantically as the solution presented itself. I didn't know if I was ready. I hadn't read that part of the text on the internet yet. I did know that this was one of the biggest steps though; one of the hardest. But for Lindsey, I would do it. I didn't give myself the chance to rethink it. I was coming out.

**Chapter 9.**

I decided that I should give Lindsey her space for now and sat at the bar looking at the restroom waiting for Lindsey to come out.

"Hey," Leslie said in a glum voice, she was still yelling over the loud music but it was easy to sense her pity for me.

"Hey,"

"Um...Leah, this here is Claudia." Leslie presented me to the brown haired woman sitting next to me. "Claudia is my girlfriend."

Claudia smiled, "Hi,"

I sat up straight and looked at Leslie in shock, "You're..."

She smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, no, sort of." She sighed, "I'm bi...sexual. I like both male and female." She went on when my dumbfounded expression didn't fade.

"Oh, no, I know what bi is." I shook my head at my own stupidity, "I never knew..."

Leslie shrugged, "I want people to know me not my sexual orientation. I'm not ashamed of what I am or who I love or have loved in the past. I'm still me. Did I change Leah?" She leaned forward and cocked her head to the side.

I narrowed my eyes than smiled, "No, you're exactly the same."

Leslie smiled, "See. Easy. Sometimes people treat you differently and sometimes people treat you the same. Those are the people you stick around with." She winked.

"How was it...coming out?"

Leslie was taken aback by my question, "It was, uh," her eyes seemed to drift away to another time, far, far away, "I was so stupid. I came from this itsy, bitsy, teeny weeny town in Tennessee. I don't know what I was thinkin'. There was this girl...Rosie Fumo, she was...like my best friend. I was datin' Scotty, he was cute" she dragged out the word but I could see her fighting back tears, "So I was datin' Scott but there was this other girl, Trixy, and she was just... fine. I confided to Rosie, I told her I liked Trixy. She said 'what about Scotty?' 'I like him too.' was my reply. That look on Rosie's face, that sneer of pure disgust, I should've seen it comin'. She's my best friend I told myself, She's probably just surprised. So the next day—oh, yeah, did I mention she was the daughter of the pasture?—anyways, the next day, she came knocking at my front door with her daddy and mama. My parents let them in and we all sat in our big dinnin' room." Leslie got more and more emotional as she went on. "So there we were; me, my mama and daddy, Rosie, and her folks. That's when the pasture decided to drop the HD on us."

"HD?" I repeated.

"Homosexual demons," She said the word as if it were the dumbest thing she'd ever heard.

I was shocked by the word demon. That didn't make sense.

"So," she went on, "Apparently I was possessed by a demon. Do you know how they get demon's out of people?"

"Exorcism," Lindsey answered.

I hadn't heard her come so I was surprised to see her there.

"Exactly," Leslie wiped her eyes with her finger before the tears could shed and mess up her makeup, "Have you ever seen an exorcism? Look it up on YouTube. There's shakin' and screamin' and vomitin'...I was a freakin' baby, 17, still a child. My father asked me if it was necessary, if I was gay. I said no to all the allegations. Then came prom. Worst day of my life. They tricked me, they all tricked me. Rosie told Trixy about my little crush and Trixy was more than excited to drag me out of the closet in the cruellest way possible. So Trixy and Rosie had this little plot. Long story short, Trixy lowered me away from Scotty and we started this really...intense make-out session in the girl washroom. Next thing I knew Rosie was there with a Polaroid camera snapping pictures. She brought those photos to my parent then—boom—exorcism back on."

"Did you do it?" Lindsey was almost as into the story as I was.

"No! Of course not! I didn't and still don't have any demons! I wasn't gonna do it!" Leslie was frantic and Claudia took her hand. Leslie looked at her and nodded, "Sorry. I ran away. They didn't want me? Who cares? I got as far away from the south as I could and pasted Gay on my forehead. I refused to live with people who couldn't accept it—who thought I had demons. If they had a problem with my bisexuality, I moved to the next town. But eventually, I had to stop movin' around. If people didn't accept that I was bi, why should I move? I love Seattle and, sure, I've encountered some homophobes, but I didn't move away." She shrugged and all her tears vanished as if by magic.

"Oh, Less," Lindsey reached over and took her other hand, "I'm so sorry."

"You know, Lindz, sometimes it takes a really sucky start to find the right beginning."

Starts and beginnings; they're not the same thing.

Leslie's story was probably enough to give anyone strength but it gave me the power to do what I had to do. Not only for Lindsey, but for myself. I had to be around people who liked the real me.

"I have something to say." I straightened my posture and cleared my throat.

Leslie grinned in approval, she knew what was coming. Her approval made the weight that much lighter, I felt strong.

"I'm..." I took a deep breath, "I'm a lesbian." I said the words with confidence. "I'm not sure how long I've known—probably my whole life—and I guess that now it's time for me to come clean. I'm sick of lying—no pretending to be something I'm not. I don't want to act like I'm blind to both genders. I like girls." I nodded firmly and smiled. It felt good to have it out. I looked at Lindsey who was staring blankly into space. I had opened a door for her now. All she had to do was walk through it.

"Well, there you go." Leslie perked, "Lindsey, what do you think?"

"Oh!" Lindsey snapped out of some reverie she was having, "OMG, Leah! Good for you!"

My face fell in utter disappointment. I felt as though she'd just slapped me in the face with a smile to make it less harsh. I pursed my lips to keep from screaming.

"I'm so happy for you, Lee. I really hope that you'll be happier with the truth out." Lindsey went on, "Wow! This is so great!" Lindsey bounced up and down clapping.

I wasn't angry at Lindsey, that was something I could never be, but I was terribly disappointed in her. My eyes started to sting and I blinked hard.

"You know what?" I got up, "It's late, I should be off to La Push."

"Leah, it's late, you won't get there till—"

"I can stay up for long periods of time." I assured her.

"I don't want to go home and you're my ride."

"If you don't want to ride with me...then I'm sure Max won't mind picking you up." I was crying as I walked away. I couldn't help but feel humiliated. I opened myself up completely, stripping myself if you will, in hopes that the woman I loved would cover me or strip down with me—just help. And instead, she practically spat in my face, made me look like an idiot which was obviously what she took me for. I knew as much as she did that she was lesbian as well.

I drove to La Push in silence. I refused to cry. I tried to convince myself that it was nothing, I was being mellow dramatic. Lindsey didn't really mean me any harm. She was just afraid. It was a scary thing to go through. But how couldn't she see that I would be there for her every step of the way.

I was almost at my house when I saw Danielle walking down the street, her head hanging in a sad looking way. I slowed down my car and pulled over next to her. Danielle was startled at first and distanced herself from my car. I rolled down my window to make her know it was me.

"Hey Danielle," I smiled.

"Jesus, Leah, you scared me." She was breathless and she tried to steady her heart.

"Want a ride?"

Danielle looked behind her as if she were waiting for someone then sighed, "Sure," she climbed into the passenger seat and I noticed that her eye lashes were wet for past tears.

"Are you okay?" I asked after a few seconds of hesitation. Danielle and I used to be pretty close, in some ways we were even best friends. But when I turned into a werewolf and started becoming short tempered, Danielle and I sort of drifted apart. We've known each other for such a long portion of our life though that we never stopped being friends. It would have been foolish to stop being friends with someone you've known for that long.

"Just had a bad day is all." She answered.

"I bet my day sucked more." I provoked her with a grin.

"Leah, what would you say if I said I was still a virgin?" Danielle's question caught me off guard and I couldn't help but laugh. We were both pretty old. Virginity is something we lost when we were in our teens. Not to mention Danielle was hot on any guy's standards. She had long silky jet black hair, big, almond shaped chocolate brown eyes, perfect plump lips, perfect body (she actually had an ass) and on top of all that she was more than a decent human being.

"I'd say 'And so is my grandmother,'" I snickered.

"So you think it's stupid and that Aaron is right," she nodded thoughtfully.

"Wait, wait, hold on. You're a virgin?" I asked incredulously.

"What if Aaron isn't the one? I don't feel...attracted to him like I'm supposed to be." She continued.

"What happened? What did Aaron do?"

"He cheated on me, Leah. I know he did."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No...but he's not getting it from me. We've been dating for a while but, I just...don't want to have sex with him. At all. It grosses me out."

"What are you? 5? It grosses you out? Then dump him and find a guy you do want to have sex with. Problem solved."

"He yelled at me and called me a nun. He said that if I loved him I would trust him and blah blah."

"Do you love him?" I asked.

"Meh," she shrugged, "I don't hate him."

"Dump him."

"I don't know..."

"I'm not going to tell you to do it, but I'm just saying, you have to find the right person or it just isn't worth it." I started driving towards my mother's place since Danielle was my neighbour.

"You said your day was worse. What happened?"

"I came out of the closet today." I shrugged. I said it so nonchalantly because I finally accepted that it was me. I was gay. I didn't care what Danielle would think because it, it wouldn't intervene in my life in any way.

It was quiet for a while and I waited for it to sink in.

"What closet?" Danielle finally said.

"I'm a lesbian, Danielle, have problem with that?" I started slowing the car so that I could kick her out of my car if she did.

"Uh...no, I'm just...Huh," Danielle narrowed her eyes for a while, "It makes you think doesn't it?" she mumbled.

"Think? About what?" I looked at her curiously and she stared back. Her gaze peered into mine and I felt as though she was telling me something. I didn't know what that was and was about to ask her when she spoke.

"Well, this is me." She announced and I stopped the car in front of my house.

"Uh, Leah, can I call you tomorrow?"

"Sure,"

"Thanks for the ride." She smiled and got out of my car.

It was hard to believe that I had just told her I was gay. I didn't feel crappy at all. Telling my family was going to be a whole other story, I hoped my assumption was wrong but this wasn't me telling my ex best friend. I was going to tell my family. My mother and my brother were going to know.

My heart beat accelerated. I started to panic just a little. Telling my family was nothing like telling a friend that I hardly cared about. What if they got mad? I started reconsidering telling them even though I knew I had to. I had to tell them.

I nearly had a hard attack when Seth knocked at me car window.

"What?" I hissed when I opened the door.

"You came here." He pointed out.

"I've been here for 3 seconds and you've already found a way to get on my nerves."

He sighed, "I don't deserve this," he mumbled.

"I know," I sighed as well.

**Chapter 10**

I woke up the next morning and started making eggs. The knock at the door made me yawn and drag my feet to answer it. I was dressed in some sweat pants and a t-shirt so I didn't hesitate to open the door.

I smiled when I saw Jacob smiling at me, "Hi Leah, you didn't call. Seth told me you came so...I brought waffles." He handed me a box of frozen Eggo waffles.

"Gee, thanks," I rolled my eyes.

"What's new?" Jacob asked and I halted unintentionally. I continued walking but I was sure that Jacob had seen my falter.

"Leah, are you okay?"

I turned around to look at him; hesitating whether to tell him now or later. I wondered if I should tell him first or just wait till my mom and Seth were down so that I could just kill two birds with one stone.

I sighed. I would be telling a lot of people so there was no point in waiting for an audience, "Actually—"

"Morning, Jake," Seth came up the steps in his pyjama bottoms. "Awesome, waffles," he grabbed the box from my hands and walked into the kitchen to put them in the toaster.

"Want any, Leah? Jake?"

"Sure, Seth," Jacob nodded.

"Yeah, whatever," I said. I was feeling kind of gloomy. Lindsey hadn't called since last night. Had I hurt her feelings? I couldn't believe I told her to see Max. My stomach clenched at the thought that she really did call Max. I tried to convince myself that Lindz had more self respect than to call Max but I couldn't help doubting her.

"Leah, you seem down," Jacob studied me attentively.

I just sighed. I heard my mother waking up and I knew that I would have to tell them soon. Now I worried about the big things. How would they feel? Would they treat me the same? Did I want to be treated the same? My heart lurched when my mother's footsteps were audible.

I walked to the kitchen table and took a seat. I suffered to keep my breathing steady. Seth dropped the plate with two waffles in front of me, making a lot of clanging noises with the utensils.

"I swear to God, Seth," My mom yelled from upstairs, "If you break another plate, I'm disowning you."

Seth chuckled and took the seat next to me.

My mom had made that threat thousands of times, but this time it scared me a bit. If she would disown Seth for breaking a plate, what would she do to me if I came out? It was ridiculous for me to put the two in the same category but still, It was frightening.

"Seth," I whispered.

"Yeah," he started chowing down on his food, not paying me much attention. Jacob took the seat on my other side and started eating as well.

"Do you love me?"

"No," He answered after swallowing, "You're really annoying."

"Be nice Seth!" My mother yelled from upstairs, "You're sister's only here on the week-ends. Tell her you love her."

Seth rolled his eyes and continued eating.

I watched my waffles get cold and told myself over and over that he was just kidding. I knew I was annoying but Seth loved me anyways because he was my brother and I his sister. But would he love me if I weren't? As a person, did he like me?

When my mom was dressed she came down the stairs frowning, "Throw one more plate, Seth. I dare you."

Seth was trying to stifle his laugh.

"I will break every plate on that hard head of yours if you break another one." She threatened.

Jacob and Seth bursted into laughter and I poked my waffle with my fork.

"You eating that?" Seth asked.

"What? No, take it," I pushed my plate towards him and looked at the table.

"What's wrong Leah? Do you want egg instead?" My mom was in the kitchen and digging in the fridge, "I'll make you breakfast."

"Aw! No fair. You never make me breakfast."

My mother slammed the fridge door shut and turned to glare at Seth, "How much plates have you broken this month? Five? What's wrong with you boy?"

"No, mom, I don't want breakfast." I said getting frustrated. I felt like my problems were more important than Seth not getting breakfast or my mom's broken plates. Was she really complaining about plates? I was annoyed to hear their stupid problems. Did anyone other than Jacob stop their lives and asked me if I was okay?

My mom was shocked at my sudden outburst, "Okay...no eggs then."

"It's not about the eggs!" I raised my voice out of anger, "I was supposed to come today, not last night! Isn't anyone wondering why?"

"I figured you missed me." Seth grinned.

"No, you idiot, that's not why?"

"What? You don't have to insult me. I can think of mean names too, you, you..."

"Enough," My mother interrupted and sat in front of me at the table, "Something bothering you Leah?"

I sighed, "Mom...I'm—I'm lesbian."

My mother's eyes widened. She gapped at me for a few long seconds till Seth booming laughter made me jump.

"Good one, Leah, but not good enough, anyways—"

"I'm serious duffas!" I barked. He was such a retard at times. Nobodies little brother was slower then mine.

Seth studied my face for a long time and his eyes widened when I didn't budge from my statement, "Oh! You're...serious. Um...okay...uh, I, wow." He pursed his lips to seem more thoughtful.

I turned to look at my mother who was still frozen in the same state of shock.

"Mom? Mom!"

"Oh! Leah, I'm...shocked." she chewed on her lip for a while, "Well, there you go."

I frowned, "There you go?" I repeated incredulously. I practically just poured out my heart and soul. I told her the most important thing about myself and all she had to say was there you go? My hands started to shake although I was under complete control.

"Well, Leah, what else do you want me to say?" she asked me.

I couldn't help but glower.

"Oh!" My mother recalled, "I love you. This doesn't change anything. I love you still." She sighed when she said everything so quickly. She walked around the table and came next to me. "I love you, Leah," she said more genuinely, "I love you no matter what." She bent over to kiss my forehead. I fought the tears that were to come. Now that my family knew I felt much more at ease, as if I could take on the world. I momentarily forgot about the drama that was waiting for me at home.

"I would hate to disturb this touching family moment," Seth interrupted, "But can I just say how...cool this is!" Seth cheered, "I mean seriously, what are the odds that the only gay chick in La Push is my sister? The guys at school are going to be so jealous! It would be hotter if Danielle was Lesbian but still, take what you get, right?"

"Oh, Seth, you're so freaking disgusting." I shouted but started to laugh. Leave it to my little brother to turn a horrifying situation into a laughable joke.

"Excuse me." Jacob raised his hand as if we were in a class room, "Hi," he said when he got our attention, "I don't mean to be a smartass or anything, but I knew it."

"What?" Seth didn't believe him, "You're lying."

"No, I'm not. I swear. I wasn't surprised."

"That's bull."

I laughed. It was funny how Jacob knew I was gay before I knew that I was gay. Was I really that blind?

Someone knocked at the door twice before opening the door, "Hello?" Danielle called, "Um, the door was open and..." Her full lips pulled into a smile when she saw me, "Leah, can I talk to you in private."

"Uh, sure," I got up, "We'll go to my room."

"Okay," Danielle shrugged and walked up the 5 steps to my bedroom.

"Don't listen." I ordered the two werewolves and headed for my room.

"Don't you trust us?" Seth asked.

"No."

I went upstairs to my light blue bedroom where Danielle was laying on my bed. I closed the door behind me and sat next to her.

"Wait," I heard my mother speak to the guys down stairs, "Should I tell her to keep the door open?"

Jacob and Seth chuckled.

"No, I'm serious,"

I stopped listening.

"I did it, Leah," Danielle was excited when she spoke. She sat up, "I did it!" the glint of pure happiness in her eyes made me cautious.

"You...slept with Aaron?" I guessed.

She scoffed, "Oh God, no! I dumped him, I'm finally free." She plopped back into my bed, "I can't believe it. I'm so happy." Danielle was on the verge of tears.

"I'm happy for you!" I tried to sound excited but it was hard. Aaron was a pretty good guy; it wasn't like he treated her like crap or anything. They were always a pretty cute couple actually.

"No, Leah, that's not the big news though." She sat up and scooted closer to me and took my hand, "Leah, I love you."

"I...love you, too, Danielle." I smiled, "You're one of my closest friends." I added for her to understand. I didn't think twice of Danielle being interested in me. In some ways she was kind of out of my league. She was more in Lindsey's league if anything. Of course Danielle would be the man in that none existent relationship.

"No, Leah," she scooted closer to me and gazed deep into my eyes, "I'm in love with you." Danielle always had more self-confidence than I did. Besides Lindsey, she had the most self-confidence out of everyone I knew. She didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around my neck and kiss me. Her soft lips moved on mine and I was frozen for 2 short seconds.

Hurting Danielle was the last thing I wanted to do. In spite on Lindsey, I found myself kissing her back. Lindsey had been with Max. Lindsey had done unimaginable, intimate things with Max while I was in the other room. It was out of anger that I tangled my fingers in Danielle's long silky hair and Danielle's heart raced. Her breathing came in short gasps and knowing how easy this was, how right it felt for her and for me, turned me on. She pulled me down on top off her and ran her fingers through my short hair. Her fingers trailed down my throat and caressed my left breast before going down my waist.

"Oh, Leah," she sighed and that was when I knew what I was doing was wrong. Danielle might've had real feelings for me and it wasn't nice for me to use her like this. Not to mention she had just admitted to herself that she was gay. I was several steps ahead of her in the gay category.

I pulled away and Danielle was already breathlessly, "Okay, I'm really a lesbo now." She smiled.

"Sweet!" Seth crowed from down stairs.

**Chapter 11.**

Danielle couldn't wipe the smile off her face.

I sat up and she followed to be as close to me as possible, "I never knew kissing was so fun. With Aaron, kissing was something I had to endure." She giggled, "Why'd you stop?" she started kissing my throat and up to my ear, grazing my earlobe with her teeth, "I didn't want you to stop?" She kissed down my jaw and kissed my lips again.

I didn't hesitate to kiss her back; I was having some sort of outer body experience. It was as if I was watching myself make out with a hot girl. Danielle was much more insistent then I was. She was making the moves and I never pushed her away. It would look ridiculous for me to push someone of Danielle's stratosphere away.

Was pushing her away an option? I was in love with Lindsey wasn't I? But Lindsey was with other men. She was probably with Max at this moment. She was probably having sex with him in our apartment, or worse, she was probably angry at me and having sex with him in my bed! It wasn't like she didn't have the guts. She had sex on her parent's bed with Max in high school once to get back at her mother.

For that reason, I didn't push Danielle away.

Danielle sighed and took my face in her hands, "Look, I have work today, but tomorrow I'm free later and my parents finish work late." She bit her lips, "You can sleep over, you know, like when we were kids, and have a real slumber party."

"Oh! Um, actually Danielle, I'm not sure it that's—"

"Don't be ridiculous. They won't suspect a thing." She got off my bed and had a bounce in her step as she made her way to my bedroom door, "Walking me to the door?"

"Uh...yeah," I looked at the floor while walking Danielle down the few steps and to the front door. I was really dating girls now. It was official at this point. I found myself actually considering going to Danielle's house tonight. It wouldn't be that bad. It might even have been good for me.

"Bye, Leah, see you tonight." She smiled flirtatiously before heading off. I closed the door behind her and pressed my back on the door. I was so overwhelmed. This couldn't be normal for anyone. I was supposed to be new at this and I was having all these thing thrown at me.

"Totally. Awesome!" Seth ran over to me, not noticing my exhausted expression, "Oh, yeah, she is so into you. Up high!" he put up his hand for a high five and I just looked at it. "Down low?"

"Shut up, Seth." Jacob said, "Are you going there tonight?"

I frowned, "What's it to you?"

"I don't know." He snickered, "Figured I'd get you some..." Jacob was trying to retain himself from laughing at his oh-so-funny joke, "Dental dam." He bursted into laughter.

"Dude!" Seth laughed, "Freaking awesome!"

"You freaking pervert!" I pushed Jacob and he stumbled and bumped into Seth. They both fell to the ground laughing hysterically.

"Is this funny?!" I yelled, "This isn't funny! I'm freaking out!"

Jacob was clutching his stomach and tried to stop laughing, "Want to talk about it?" he was breathing heavily and wiping off his tears.

"You two are idiots. Jacob, get the hell out of my house!" I stomped up to my room and slammed the door behind me. My hands started to tremble and I began hyperventilating. I sat on the ground and crawled to my night table for my cell phone. I called the one person I could tell anything to, the voice that would make all my troubles disappear. I wouldn't tell them the situation but talking to her would make me feel that much better.

"Oh, God, Leah! Thank you so much for calling! Are you mad at me? I thought you might've offed yourself or something." Lindsey gushed.

I laughed at her ridiculous assumption. It was funny that she would think I would kill myself after finding my purpose for living. "Hey Lindz, what's up?" I was feeling better already.

"I'm terrible. My stomach really really hurts and—"

"That time of the month?"

"I wish," she sighed, "I just...kept feeling like you were mad at me and it hurts to think that. But the worst is not knowing. Are you mad at me? Please tell me if you are."

"I'm not,"

"I'm serious Leah. Are you mad or were you mad, I have to know." She pleaded.

I sighed, "Okay, I was mad but I'm not anymore."

She exhaled deeply, "Okay, that's better, what did I do?"

I frowned. She didn't know? I got angry at how...clueless she was. Clueless wasn't even the right word. She knew what she was doing to me. She knew that there was something going on between us. We were more than just roommates. Was she really going to lie to me like that?

"Please don't act like you don't know." I said.

"Lee, all I remember is you...coming out, then you were super pissed at me."

"Is that really all you remember?" I questioned.

She hesitated, "Yes, well, no. We kissed. But that was really nothing."

I gasped. She didn't just call our kiss nothing. It wasn't nothing, it was every! That kiss made me a better person, a happier person. How could she call it nothing! "You know what Lindsey, I am mad at you."

"What?! I didn't do anything."

"Exactly! You don't do anything. Every time I take a step forward you push me further away."

"From what?"

"From you!" I shouted, "Are you kidding?" I sighed, "Lindsey, this is not a conversation I want to have over the phone."

"You called me."

"Of course I did." I hung up wiping away my tears. I couldn't believe her. Why did she insist on making this as hard for us as possible? We would deficiently being having a nice long talk. She was going to tell me why she insisted on pushing me away. She was practical shoving me into Danielle's arms. I was going. Danielle didn't lie to herself like Lindsey was. Whatever would happen with Danielle happened.

I was fighting back tears as I packed a night bag that I realised I didn't need. I was going next door. Worst case scenario; I'd walk the 5 yards back to my house.

I spent the day with my mom who didn't treat me differently at all. She didn't mention the fact that I had gone gay or anything. I started to question whether she even remembered.

We went grocery shopping and bought some disposable plates and cups for Seth. Until he learned how to not drop and throw things, he would be using those. When we got back home, I helped her cook some food that she would be bringing to Charlie's.

"I'm going to Danielle's tonight."

Seth snickered in the living room.

"Oh, that's nice, I'm glad you two are still friends after all these years." My mother smiled, "I remember when you two first became friends...weren't you bullying her?"

I laughed, "So she says." Danielle and I first met when we were five. Danielle claimed that I would steal her snacks from her during lunch time. I had no idea what she was talking about. Eventually, I stopped harassing her and when I did, we were best friends.

"Poor girl, I swear, I don't understand why you couldn't eat your own lunch."

"Other people's stuff is more alluring."

"Mm hm," She nodded.

I kept glancing at her while cutting the carrots. I wondered if she knew what Danielle and I were planning tonight. If she understood that it wasn't like the sleepovers we would have when we were little. Maybe a part of me wanted my mom to know so that she would stop me. Force me to stay home and babysit Seth like she used to. She continued stirring the stew.

Oddly, my heart didn't jump out of my chest when Danielle came in the house, "Hi Seth," I heard her say.

"Hey Danielle, how was your day?" Seth asked. I could see his smug smile.

Danielle probably raised an eyebrow at his odd interest in her life, "It was good. Oh, it was so funny—I'm a cashier, okay—this couple came and I swear, they bought 20 different types of cat food." She laughed at the memory, "I was trying not to laugh and I had this really serious face the whole time."

Seth laughed and I rolled my eyes, "Cat food? Really?"

"Whiska, Meow-mix, you name it."

"Hysterical."

"It really was." She sighed, "Leah!" she called.

"Yeah, I'm here. Bye mom," I walked to towards Danielle and her heart stuttered. I didn't show my confused expression.

"Saw 1, Saw 2, Saw 3, Saw 4 and of course Saw 5. Do you know what that means?" She grinned.

"5 movies we're not going to watch?" I guessed.

Her grin vanished and she blushed looking at her feet.

"You're afraid of your own shadow." I reminded her.

Seth snickered again.

"Ha-ha!" She recovered quickly, "You're so funny." She said sarcastically, "Leave the jokes to me and Seth."

Danielle picked up my bag that was next to the front door and we walked out into the cold. After I closed the door behind me Danielle slipped her hand into mine and smiled. "How was your day?" She asked as we walked down the driveway.

"It was...pretty boring actually." I tried to forget about my argument with Lindsey, "You're cat story was much more interesting."

She laughed, "Thanks," We got to her front door and she opened it. The steps were right at the door and we walked up them, and some other steps to be in her yellow bedroom, "My dad shouldn't be here for a few hours," she sat on her bed and patted the seat next to her.

I smiled for her sake and not my own. I was trying to remember why I was doing this. I didn't even know if I wanted to. Danielle was a beautiful girl, inside and out, did that mean she deserved this? She thought she wanted it—me—but could I give it to her? Me to her?

Danielle didn't hesitate to kiss me. Her lips were soft and her embrace passionate and urgent. She straddled me braiding her fingers into my hair.

Her insistence made me nervous. I remembered her confession from yesterday and how I laughed at her, the irony made my stomach clench. I was practically a virgin now. I didn't know what I was doing. I was new at this and I hated going through the virginity thing again.

"I've never done this before," I whispered against Danielle's lips.

"It's okay," she said breathlessly not breaking the kiss for a second, "Me neither," She pulled me closer to her, forcing a reaction out of me. I complied but narrowed my eyes. Why was she so impulsive?

"Danielle," I said and held her shoulders to look at her. Holding Danielle away from me, I studied her expression.

"Yes," she smiled seeming sincere.

"Why are we doing this?"

Her eyes were warm, "Because I love you." She answered without any hesitation.

I kept my face composed, fighting to not arch my eyebrow, "Are you sure?"

Danielle narrowed her eyes looking thoughtful. Did she really love me? We've known each other our whole life and she was just now realising that she was in love with me? I doubted that possibility and Danielle seemed to question it as well.

**Chapter 12.**

"Yes, I'm sure." She nodded after just a few second of hesitation. It wasn't a long pause, but it was enough to make me wonder.

I eyed her suspiciously but her expression didn't falter. She clearly wasn't giving in and I probably just didn't want to. I wasn't sure if I wanted my "first time" to be with my friend, a girl I didn't care about to a point that I had to show her how I felt. And for Danielle, this really was her first time, in every sense of the word; it should have been with someone who was in love with her. I wanted my first time to be with Lindsey, I was perhaps delusional. I would possibly have to wait forever for Lindsey and that didn't bother me. That wasn't the only problem though. I was doing this out of spite, Danielle merited better.

I sighed, "Danielle...I don't think we should do this."

Danielle was shocked, her eyes boring into mine with unspoken questions.

"Because, you can do better," I answered without her having to ask me. When you knew someone for such a long time, you hardly had do speak to get your point across. Danielle had always been a good friend to me. She did the best she could to endure my temper after I turned out to be a werewolf. She had asked what my problem was and I never told her. If I hadn't been a werewolf, we never would have stopped being best friends. If I had still been human...I would've ended up with her.

That didn't seem fair. Because I was a werewolf—because of my imprint—I couldn't be with Danielle? It went deeper than that though. Not only had I imprinted on Lindsey, that wasn't my choice, I had also fallen in love with her. There was something chemical that pulled us together. I was sure that maybe, even without the imprint, Lindsey and I would have found each other.

I finally understood Sam. I hadn't seen him in months but I felt that if I would...okay, I would be a little embarrassed of my new lifestyle but other than that, there wouldn't be any harsh feelings. Sure, we were together, we were in love. He promised me that we would be together forever, get married, die together; he promised. When I thought of it that way it was hard not to feel a little bitter. But I couldn't feel angry because he had found his Lindsey, or I had found my Emily. Either way, we were both happier. Now at least.

Danielle took my face in my hands and smiled, "Leah, I think—no—I know you're beautiful." She said sternly. Growing up with someone also meant that the person experiences all those awkward stages in the teen years. Danielle always knew she was pretty, she wasn't blind or stupid, and my being a tomboy for most of my life made me question whether boys even looked at me, not that I cared which made sense now. Danielle always joked around telling me that she wouldn't hang out with me if I were ugly. In a strange way, Danielle kind of reminded me of Lindsey sometimes, in a more tomboy kind of way though.

"Not to mention," She added grinning, "I'm very attracted to you."

"Danielle, I think—I'm in love with someone else." I cut myself short from my first statement and Danielle noticed it. She knew I didn't think I was in love with someone else. She knew I was positive.

Danielle's face sank into an understanding depression. She got off of me and sat next to me. "Oh," her voice was struggled and she cleared her throat. "Okay then," the tears that were to come were evident in her voice. She breathed deeply and whipped her tears nodding, "I'm happy for you." She tried to smile but it didn't reach her eyes.

My shoulders slumped. This was exactly what I didn't want. Hurting Danielle was supposed to be the opposite effect. "Danielle, you'll find someone else, someone who's in love with you. You'll find her."

She shook her head, "No I won't," she said it a matter-of-factly though she did sound sad.

I felt so bad but told myself that this was best. I wanted to kiss her and make everything better again. I would have made love to her to put a smile on her face, but then what? Leave her for Lindsey? That would crush her more, wouldn't it? She would feel used and betrayed. In that case, not only would I hurt her feelings, I would lose a friend.

"That's not true," I disagreed and hoped that my tone didn't hide my disapproval, "Danielle, your gorgeous, you're a beautiful person, you'll find someone."

"Where?" She demanded, "What's the gay community like in La Push? What? You? You don't even live here." She was harsher with hurt feelings. She saw that she wasn't being mean and centered herself. "Leah...I'm in this alone. Literally. If I'm not with you...who else do I have?"

I narrowed my eyes. She was right. In a small time like ours, gay people weren't as common, it might even have been frowned upon by a lot of people. I didn't understand what Danielle was saying, or I didn't want to believe it. Danielle not finding someone didn't make sense. Girls like her didn't end up alone. "You can...move away, to a bigger city and..."

"What? I'm supposed to go all Sex in the City and move to New York to find love? That's stupid."

"Danielle^" I was afraid to what she was getting to. I desperately hoped that it wasn't what I thought, "What are you saying?"

She sighed and lay on her bed, "Maybe...maybe I should call Aaron. Patch things up—"

"What?!" I exclaimed, "No! Danielle, that's not who you are."

"It's either him or nobody."

"No, it's not."

"He loves me Leah and I love him too...in a way."

"That's not good enough!" I argued. She couldn't do this. She would go into depression if she pretended to be something she wasn't. She couldn't pretend to be straight for the rest of her life. It wasn't right. I had to fight back my own tears. I couldn't imagine having someone I loved so much living such a huge lie just so that she wouldn't be alone. I lied down as well and looked her in the eyes pleadingly, "I want you to be happy." I whimpered.

She smiled, "I want you to be happy for the both of us." She whispered.

My tears rolled down into her sheets. Danielle cried too though she was smiling. She looked dead. Her life would be a huge, ginormously disgusting lie. I hated how Danielle was a conformist. She wanted to fit in to society at any cost. Part of me hoped that she was lying. If she went through with this, she would be killing a part of herself. Taking the most important part of who she is and stuffing it in a closet. I tried to convince myself that she could still be happy while living a lie but a part of her would still be missing...

We were quiet for a really long time, just looking at each other. I didn't know what Danielle was thinking but I had a feeling it had something to do with Aaron; her approach and if he would take her back.

Her voice cracked when she spoke, "What's her name?" she smiled.

I sniffled, "It's Lindsey."

"Lindsey." She repeated, "That's a nice name. What's she like?" She actually seemed interested. That was so Danielle. In her book, friends asked friends about their new love interests.

I sighed, "She's...really something. She's nice and generous and really out going. But sometimes she's shy...She's sort of indescribable..."

"And you love her."

"So much. I miss her right now, even though I'm kind of upset with her." I admitted, "I know that when I get home, we might fight, but I don't care, I just want to see her." My heart ached and I closed my eyes.

"I heard" Danielle spoke after a few minutes of silence, "that time can make you fall in love with someone."

I did not answer.

"Aaron wants to marry me." She sighed, "It would callous of me if I didn't love someone who was that devoted."

"I thought you thought he was cheating?" I asked sleepily. This was extremely depressing there for draining me completely. I felt exhausted.

She sighed again, "Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't, does it really make a difference in my case?"

I hated that she was right about everything. If they did get back together, their love wasn't mutual. So if he cheated on her, why would she care, she never loved him. It was ironic that I hurt Danielle so that she wouldn't have to go through that and now she would be doing it to Aaron. It wasn't exactly the same since there wasn't another woman but it was still pretty much the same situation. I was going to tell her that what she was doing was wrong but then her other option would be solitude. She might even have gotten another guy, what was the point of me telling her? Women and men did it all the time. Closeted homosexuality was very common. Especially in a small town like ours.


	3. Chapter 13 to 20

**Chapter 13.**

I wiped my tears on the drive back home. My sobs had finally ceased and I was more under control now. I felt so many mixed emotions for the choice Danielle had made. She wasn't coming out. She was going to pretend like all of it ever happened. It was our little secret. Was that cowardly of her? She was so afraid of what this society would think of her that she was going to suck up everything and date men, whether she liked it or not, and she most definitely did not.

Or was she just a realist? If Danielle wanted to stay here in La Push and at the same time not be alone, how would she do that if she was gay? The odds of her finding a lesbian life partner in La Push or Forks or anywhere in the Olympic Peninsula were slim to none. If she wanted a family, wouldn't she need a man to do so? Even if she adopted like how she always wanted when we were younger, wouldn't it be simpler if she had a man as a life partner? It seemed to me that she was taking the easy way out. Cowardice.

Wisdom, maybe? She knew what she was doing. She was sacrificing one kind of happiness for another. She would be depressed but it would stop her family from having a huge crisis. That was selfless of her in a way. She understood what she was doing.

"I'll be fine." Danielle had assured me for the millionth time as we walked to her front door. Her tears had ceased but mine were still running down my face. "I haven't really lost; some people don't get to experience this."

"Experience what?" My voice came out struggled and weak.

"Love like this," she explained with a warm smile, " Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Alfred Lord Tennyson." She quoted, "I really do love you and I'll always be here for you."

I gripped the wheel tighter and fought the urge to make a U-turn. I loved Danielle and that made everything so much harder because I loved Lindsey more and I couldn't bring myself to hate it. I couldn't hate the imprint that was hurting Danielle because it was binding me to Lindsey, something else that I loved. I never knew imprinting was this stressful. I couldn't believe I wanted this.

Arriving home was more of a relief then I thought it would be. I ran up the stairs two steps at a time and threw the front door open.

Lindsey was sitting on the sofa and her eyes flickered to me. Her face lit up and she stood. She seemed to think better of it, frowned and sat down again. Her body language demonstrated very clearly that she was debating whether to come to me or not. She recalled the argument we had on the phone.

I stood there watching her for a while just so I could enjoy this pre-argument Lindz. I didn't want to fight with Lindsey but we were going to be talking about a touchy subject, there was bound to be some screaming and maybe a 2 hour silent treatment afterwards. I drank in how beautiful she was and how much I had missed her. She was wearing a black tank top and some grey sweats. The scent of the house itched my nose, she had been cleaning and the apartment reeked of disinfectant.

"Hey," she smiled. She was going to add something else like a 'how are you?' or a 'What's up&' but again, she thought better of it.

I smiled back, "There's no weaselling out of this Lindz." I tried to say it playfully, grinning and shrugging.

Lindsey frowned and went on the defensive. She stood up and glared at me, "I'm not weaselling out of anything." She spat, "According to you I's holding you back? Was that what you said? Or was it something about me pushing you away? Am I getting warmer?" She demanded in a patronizing tone. She was yelling and my eyes widened. I was going to keep this civilized.

"Lindsey, this isn't an argument. At least, I don't want it to be."

Her face softened and her posture relaxed, "Good, cause I don't want to fight with you."

"Then we won't." I shrugged.

We were both quiet.

Lindsey balanced herself on her soles and heals as if she were waiting for me to say something first.

I wasn't sure where to start. I kicked myself for not thinking this through; I had hours to think of it instead of moping about Danielle.

"How do I start?" I asked.

Lindsey face became thoughtful, "You could start with why you're mad—oops—disappointed, sorry." She was a little smug when she corrected herself and I could tell that she thought this whole thing was stupid or a waste of her time. She would much rather be on the computer or continue watching Desperate Housewives.

I smiled smugly, mirroring her attitude, "Maybe you could stop pretending you don't already know. Hmm?"

She frowned, "Are you mocking me?"

"Let's not change the subject. Why, Lindsey? Why am I upset?" I pressed. She knew the answer but she still thought about it. She was having another internal argument on whether to just suck it up or not.

She decided, "We kissed," she confessed, "And...we kissed," she sighed. She looked away from me. She was on the verge of tears as she said the one thing she had been denying out loud, in front of me. Now it was real and she couldn't hide from it anymore.

Now that it was out, I found myself lost. I was expecting that part to take way more time. Lindsey really didn't like fighting, that was obvious. I didn't know where to start first.

"Lindsey, you know I'm lesbian and, well, I know you're—" That wasn't the right approach and I thought over what I was going to say. Was I going to tell her she was gay or just wait for her to admit it herself? This whole situation was just so complicated it made my head spin. If it weren't Lindsey, I would never have dealt with all this crap. I didn't have the time or patience for these kind of mind puzzles. "I love you, Lindz. No, I'm in love with you." I corrected myself when Lindsey opened her mouth to say the predictable 'I love you, too'.

Lindsey's heart rate accelerated as she pondered the thought. Her breathing quickened and she looked up at me to smile, "I love you, too."

I was taken aback for a second. I thought my ears were deceiving me. I couldn't imagine it being that easy. I had never gotten anything this easily before, "What?" I breathed.

Lindsey's smile widened and she started walking towards me nodding all along, "I love you, Leah, I love you." She wrapped her arms around my neck and my heart quickened massively and I was suddenly breathless and dizzy.

Lindsey's dark chocolate eyes were concentrated on mine and a soft smile was on her thick beautiful lips. I was disoriented and I had to make sure I had heard her right. I was still flustered.

"Say what now?"

Lindsey rolled her eyes and stretched onto her tip toes to touch her lips to mine. I froze at first. I was going into shock. Lindsey was kissing me! I only froze for a fraction of a second. Kissing Lindsey was nothing like kissing Danielle. I didn't have time to have outer body because I wanted to enjoy kissing her. My thoughts were disoriented and my lips were on fire.

My arms wrapped around her pulling her into my body. I felt a jolt when our bodies crushed against each other and I loved how feminine she was. I loved how here breast were pressed against mine and how small her waist was. I was left completely unaware of anything that wasn't Lindsey. Her scent was surrounding me and she tasted amazing.

I didn't feel my back press against the door. Lindsey's hands tangled in my short hair pulling me closer to her. I moaned and Lindsey started kissing down my throat. I took that opportunity to gasp for air. Lindsey's lips on my throat sent tingles down my spine. Her fingers trailed down my neck giving me goose bumps and she started unbuttoning my shirt.

It took me a few seconds and about three buttons to understand what she was doing.

"Lindz," I gasped. My eyes fell closed and I didn't stop her. Everything felt so right and so good.

"What's wrong, Lee?" She breathed before crushing my lips with hers.

My head spun.

Her hands continued unbuttoning my shirt and she pulled it off me. I knew I wanted this but was it what she wanted. She had just now confessed to me that she was in love with me. She hadn't even said she was lesbian or bi or anything. How could she had reached this point?

"Lindsey, are you sure?" I asked breathlessly.

"I love you, Leah. I want this, I do." She rushed but I knew she was saying the truth. She pulled her shirt over her head and started kissing me again.

"I've never done this before."

Lindsey pulled away to look in my eyes, "It's okay, Leah." She whispered, "It's me."

It was Lindsey and that made a huge difference. With anyone else, I would've been nervous, but with Lindsey, I knew more than anything that this was right and that we were meant to be. I brought my lips to hers and we made love for the very first time. Making love to a girl was very different from making love to a man. With a man and a woman, it was impulsive, the man wanted his orgasm and the woman wanted hers. But when it's too women, it's so much more...sensual. I suddenly understood why guys would give anything to see two girls make out. It was intense. We were both so similar and different at the same time. A women knew how to touch a woman, a woman knew how to make another woman sigh and moan and quiver. And more importantly, a woman wasn't afraid to ask questions to get it right. Our love made everything better, everything was rasier. I was glad I didn't give in to Danielle; it wouldn't have been the same. I didn't love Danielle how I loved Lindsey. I had no regrets. None.

Lindsey and I lay in my small bed just staring at each other. We were both speechless. I didn't want to talk and say something that would ruin this perfect moment. I wanted Lindsey to speak. I wanted to hear her voice, there was nothing she could say to ruin this moment I was sure of it.

Her hand reached for my face and she brushed my cheek. My eyes closed.

"Love you," She whispered in a very low voice. She didn't mean for me to hear it but I did.

I smiled but it couldn't stretch out to its full potential, I was too awed, too marvelled by what my life had become. I had never been happier. This was the happiest day of my life. For the first time in probably ever, I was happy to be me. I was happy to be Leah Clearwater. I didn't want to be anyone but me. Knowing that Lindsey loved me made me love myself so much more than I thought possible. I wanted to keep myself happy so that I could make Lindsey happy.

"I love you, too, Lindsey. More than...everything."

"I love you allot too," she looked down as if she were blushing, "I've never felt this way before." She admitted.

"Me neither, Lindz, we're kind of...special." I hesitated but kept it light by grinning. I figured since I had already given myself to her completely, I might as well tell her about the imprint thing. It wasn't really important; I was done being a werewolf. I wanted to live a normal life and grow old with Lindsey.

"How so?" Lindsey grinned, sitting up on her elbows.

"Ever wonder why I'm so hot?"

"Because I hit the jackpot."

I chuckled, "Temperature wise," I corrected myself still laughing at her joke.

She shrugged, "You're warm, it's you're thing."

"What if I told you I wasn't human?" I was still being playful. She had no idea how serious I was and I didn't see how that was wrong. So what if she didn't know that I used to be a werewolf? Well, I used to occasionally shift into a wolf, something I didn't do anymore.

She raised an eyebrow, "I'd say: it's a little early for roll play."

"What do you think about werewolves?" I asked.

"Does that make me a vampire? Do we get to wrestle?" She perked up getting excited. She was such a kid. I grimaced at the fact that when I said werewolf she immediately thought vampire. At least Hollywood got that part right.

"Do you know what an imprint is?" I asked. Lindsey was a smart girl; I figured she'd know bits and pieces of the information.

Lindsey narrowed her eyebrows trying to remember something she saw a long time ago, "I think I googled it once...it was really interesting. Something about vampires and soul mates...it even said that a vampire would commit suicide if their mate was gone because they would think that they're dead and they would kill themselves, I don't remember." She shrugged. "Or was that what a life mate was? Who cares?"She plopped closer to me so that we were really in each other's faces. I felt her cool breath on my face.

"You're my imprint Lindz."

Lindsey's face was serious and she was starting to really believe me. "Leah, you...I love you too." She finally said.

She thought I was stating my love for her in some ridiculous mythical creature expression. She kissed me and I forgot the whole conversation from before. Well, she couldn't say I didn't try.

**Chapter 14.**

It was our first morning as a real couple. It was nice. I hardly noticed that our morning appeared like a corny movie from the 90s. We laughed in the small kitchen making breakfast together. Mondays were always retched; school, work, exams, ew. But this Monday morning was unlike any other. I had a feelings Tuesday wouldn't be that bad either, even Wednesday would be fun. Lindsey had shed such a huge ray of light on my entire existence, my happiness was overwhelming.

"Okay, your turn," Lindsey's back was turned to me as she did the dishes and I fried the eggs. We were competing on who could give the most mind boggling news ever.

"I explode into a giant wolf when I'm mad." I said. Telling Lindsey I was a wolf was a half hearted attempt. She always thought I was joking and I still couldn't bring myself to care to sit her down and have a serious talk about it.

Lindsey turned to roll her eyes at me, "Still trying to give me nightmares I see," she grinned, "That doesn't count Lee,"

I sighed, "How 'bout this: race car spelled backwards is race car." I told her.

"I knew that already," Her smile seemed permanently etched to her face and I felt as though mine would be around for a while as well. Her beautiful dark eyes shone as she smiled evilly at me, "This one ruined my life so hold tight."

I chuckled and put the scrambled eggs on the large platter, "Hit me."

"Twinkle twinkle little star and the Alphabet song have the same beat." She said every word slowly letting the information sink in.

I thought about that for a minute and my eyes widened in realisation. It was childish of me, but I was parched, "Oh my God." I whined, "That changes everything!"

Lindsey's grin widened as if my pain made her laugh in some sick kind of way. I presumed that her reaction to this heart breaking news was worse.

"Life altering, isn't is?" she said.

"I feel terrible," I admitted, pouting and looking at the floor. I never realized how I was becoming more and more like Lindz, "Up is down and left is right."

Lindsey jutted her bottom lip and wrapped her arms around my neck, "I hope you're not too upset."

With Lindsey this close to me, I instantly forgot the whole Little Star and ABC song fiasco. It would take more than my childhood life being turned upside down to mess up this day—our first morning.

"I think I can handle it," I kissed her lips and listened attentively as her heart stuttered and started beating double time. I noticed that her heart never sped up when she kissed Max. Max would never get his greasy hands on her ever again. I was so thrilled about that amongst other things.

"I love you," Lindsey told me. She hugged me and I rested my chin on her head, "I love you so much." She squeezed me tight.

"I've waited so long to hear you say that." I murmured in her hair and wrapped my arms around her and held her tight to me. I considered skipping class, staying in with Lindsey; it wasn't fair that the morning after our first time together, we'd have to leave for school. But Lindsey had classes and so did I. We had lives that went on separately. Sigh.

We went to school and walked together as if nothing were different. I didn't notice that Lindsey didn't change the way we walked together in the school halls, at all. She kept her hands shoved in her pocket and occasionally glanced up at me to smile. Was that gilt that I saw in her eyes? I couldn't imagine what she would feel guilty about. I smiled reassuringly to her and she smiled back, it didn't reach her eyes.

The bell rang before I could ask her what was wrong. She kissed my cheek and ran off to her class.

The biology exam was really easy. I had been studying so much that I knew the answer to every single question on the several sheets of paper. This day was just getting better and better. I was all smiles on my way to meet Lindsey at the vending machine.

I saw Lindsey next to the machine, he shoulder leaning on the machine that had a long line in front of it. I recognized the tall sandy blond with his back turned to me. Lindsey shook her head and rolled her eyes as he spoke to her.

"So now you're mad at me?" He asked incredulously. The line continued to circulate despite the obvious argument that was brewing.

Lindsey sighed, "Maxwell, in order for me to be mad, I have to care." She rolled her eyes again as if she had repeated herself several time and the person just didn't understand.

"What?"

"Jesus Christ," she muttered under her breath. Her eyes didn't settle on me but she knew I was there. She walked around Max to stand next to me, "Come on, let's go," she said to me.

I glared at Max before nodding at Lindsey. I was so annoyed with that boy. Before, it might have been jealousy, but now, I've deducted it to pure distaste. Maxwell was a complete jerk. I wasn't sure if he was a bad person or not, that was something Lindsey knew and for me to find out.

"Hold. Up." Max walked around us and stood in our way, "Lindz, what are you doing?" His voice was more miserable when he spoke, "It's you and me, right? Come on." He was on the verge of begging and I bit my lip not to laugh. With any other person, I would have felt a little bad but Max was just so...ugh! Hate him. It was funny to watch him beg for my girlfriend. Dream on.

"Maxwell," Lindsey groaned shaking her head, "Grow up."

Max's face went from sad to pissed in an instant. He squared his shoulder's and glared at Lindsey, "Whatever." He huffed, "I don't care, dime a dozen you Hooters Girls are." He said and I narrowed my eyes. I didn't understand the meaning of his words but I had a feeling that it was rude. My hands began to shake and I clenched my fist. I didn't speak but my glare was enough to make Max flinch. "Temper Leah," he looked at me up and down like I was garbage and turned andstalked off.

"Pompous ass," Lindsey and I muttered at the same time. We looked at each other for a few seconds and for an unknown reason, we both started to laugh. Lindsey's laughter was like a song, I knew the sound by heart. Her laugh was so joyful it made me laugh too.

"What was his problem?" I asked her. We started walking in a random direction.

"Ugh, you know him."

"I don't actually," I reminded her. I went over Max's word in my head again to understand what could have upset his sensitive exterior. So now you're mad at me? he had asked then Lindsey said she didn't care enough to be mad. He was probably apologizing for Friday when he was so rude to her. "Did you drop the gay bomb?" I asked.

Lindsey chewed her lip for a while and took my hand. We walked down the hall and turned to the area with the pay phones that nobody used. All these kids were rich and had their own cell phones. Why would the school even put this here? Lindsey led me to a corner and whispered when she spoke.

"You know I love you right?" she asked.

"Of course," I was satisfied with the lack of hesitation in my answer. If I was sure of anything it was that Lindsey loved me. It was a good felling; knowing that someone truly loved you.

She looked down guiltily and took both my hands. She looked at them as she spoke, "I'm not ashamed of you, I swear, I just...could we keep this on the DL? Just for a while?" She looked up and seemed scared of my answer.

I smiled reassuringly, "No problem," I answered automatically. I knew this would be hard. It was hard for me but Lindsey was much more sensitive than I was. I couldn't imagine going through it in her shoes, "Lindsey, we could wait as long as you like."

She exhaled loudly, "Woh! I thought you'd be pissed." She explained.

"Sorry to disappoint you."

She let go of my hands to wrap her arms around my waist, "I love you,"

I hugged her back and out of nowhere remembered Max again. Maybe it was out of anger, maybe he really meant it, I asked anyways, "Lindz, what did Max mean when he said you Hooters Girls?"

Lindsey stiffened and cursed under her breath. She loosened her grip on me to look at my face. I was still smiling, it was a soft smile; small but full of love. Lindsey smiled sheepishly which caused my stare to become suspicious. I had a sick twisting feeling like she was hiding something; I fought the urge to grimace.

"I...work at Hooters." She rushed through her words and pressed her lips together holding her breath for my reaction.

My face fell, my smile was nowhere to be found on my face.

Her sheepish smile widened looking more and more guilty, "You mad?"

I frowned and took deep breaths from my nose. My girl friend was a Hooters girl. Great.

**Chapter 15.**

I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't think of a nice thing to say. I just kept getting funny but mean things to say. I had to admit that if this was happening to someone else it would be pretty comical. I pressed my lips together and shrugged. I walked back in the direction that we came and tried to stifle my laughter.

"Oh, crap! You are so pissed." Lindsey chased me and grabbed my arm, "Leah! I'm sorry! I just never told you because—" she had just had a good look at my face and frowned, "Are you laughing?" she asked incredulously. She actually looked offended and it was probably corny of me to think she looked really cute when she was mad.

"Lindsey, calm down, I'm not mad."

"What about the whole feminist movement; women aren't decoration blah blah blah ." she rolled her eyes and lolled her head from side to side as if she'd heard it a thousand time.

"Yes, women aren't objects or decoration for men to gawk at while they enjoy some hot wings but Lindsey your my girlfriend not my...possession." I said nonchalantly, I didn't know how to describe what I was feeling to Lindsey. Sure, I was upset that she was a waitress at Hooters of all places but there was nothing I could really do and this was such a perfect day, the last thing I wanted to do was sulk over something I couldn't fix.

Lindsey's frown deepened as if I had said something that seriously pissed her off. She drew in a deep breath and looked like she was about to burst when the bell rang noisily and she gasped out a little yip.

I smiled, "You okay?"

She eyed me suspiciously than nodded, "Yeah..." she starting walking towards her class and I headed off to mine. That was a little weird. I wasn't sure if we could really count that as our first fight as a couple...

After school I had work and so did Lindsey. I dropped her off right in front of the Hooters and she kissed me on the cheek before heading off to work. She kept glancing behind her appearing like she half expected to find be glaring and shaking my head disapprovingly. I smiled and waved instead.

I drove to my job that involved a little more dignity at GAP. I had pleasant thoughts about Lindsey like; was she thinking about me? Was she having fun at Hooters? It was shocking to me that it didn't bother me that much. Living on my own and away from home was really turning me into a more mature person.

I stayed at the store till closing time and then drove back to Hooters for Lindsey. It was the first time I actually picked Lindsey up from the restaurant itself and it did feel a little weird. The restaurant was still open and seemed busy—lots of male costumer. My teeth clenched together, not because I was upset that Lindsey worked there, it was really because those men were truly disgusting. Old men were walking through the front door—men in their thirties, family men—with smiles on their faces and chattering about their favourite waitress. I gagged.

Lindsey came out smiling and waving at the people inside the restaurant. The men going into the restaurant held the door open for her and one of them bent over to have a better look at her butt. That bothered me. I honked my horn aggressively and Lindsey eyes focused on my car. She hadn't noticed the pervert's drooling over her.

She shoved her hands in her leather jacket and ran over to me. It was then that I noticed what she was wearing. Her long legs were completely exposed except for the thin, skin coloured pantyhose she wore for warmth. My mouth fell slack. It was 35 Fahrenheit outside and she was practically naked! None of this made sense. It wasn't the first time I'd driven her home after work but this was the first time she actually left in her uniform. That hardly seemed necessary.

My mouth was still hanging open when Lindsey came in the car; her bright smile made my heart flutter and mouth close. As if all were forgotten, the most important thing was that Lindsey was here and I hadn't seen her in several hours. I locked my hand behind her neck and pulled her to me captivating her in a passionate kiss.

I felt her lips turn up in a grin before she kissed me back. She reluctantly pushed against my shoulder gasping for air, "When we get home." She promised and leaned into her seat giggling. "The outfit is usually a huge turn on for the men...didn't know it worked both ways."

"Let's not compare me to those...those..." I couldn't think of any words to describe how repulsive those men were. Pigs? No that wasn't good enough. What would their mothers think? Shame.

"Oh, Lee, be nice," she warned lightly and shoved my shoulder.

We just talked about our day on the drive back home, "Um, Lindz," I said, "Why are you...wearing that?" I asked, gesturing my finger to her exposed legs.

Lindsey rolled her eyes. She did it so much I was starting to think that she might get her eyes stuck at the back of her head if she didn't tone it down, "I just wanted to see your reaction—A plus by the way! Krystal's boyfriend got so angry. Now, she's a waitress at some Japanese restaurant. Tips? Not so much." She gossiped reminding me that she was a cheerleader in high school. The story obviously offended her in some way that made me think that maybe she was more feministic then I thought. She obviously thought that this Tiffany character shouldn't have left because her boyfriend wasn't okay with it.

"Pisses you off?" I guessed.

She huffed, "I can honestly say that I love my job," she looked at me to pass on her seriousness about the subject, "I enjoy it. It's funny. Sure, some of the guys are pervs but we have regulars who are nice guys and the teenage boys" she laughed, "Fun to flirt with."

I smiled, happy to hear her talk about her day for the first time. It upset me that she'd never told me, "Why didn't you ever...?"

She sighed, "Because the feminist movement think were really...shameful and your part of that and I just couldn't imagine having you...hate me."

"I could never hate you, Lindz," I parked the car and we held hands on our way to our apartment. I unlocked the door to the pitch black apartment and searched for the light switch next to the door. "We're home," I sighed.

"Yes we are!" Lindsey squeaked and before I could turn and look at her completely, she had jumped on me. Thank goodness for the werewolf strength I still possessed. With Lindsey's lip lingering on mine and her legs wrapped around my waist, I plopped onto the sofa.

"Gosh, Lee, you're so strong." She moaned against my lips.

"One of the plus sides of being a werewolf," I unzipped he jacket and through it on the ground.

She giggled, "You're funny," She said before we made love again.

Lindsey and I cuddled on the sofa and watched some T.V afterwards. "Are you hungry?" Lindsey asked.

"Kind of?"

"Chips? Or do you want me to cook something?"

I raised an eyebrow at her, "Chips are fine, Lindz,"

She laughed, "Sorry, Max was always so hungry afterwards is all..." She let herself trail of. She felt me tense and she bit her tongue. Ugh! Why did she have to say his name right after sex? That was so wrong. I was more disgusted than anything else. I wasn't the least bit jealous. I knew Lindsey wanted me and not Max. He was such an idiot! What could she have possibly seen in him? Oh, right, money. It was hard for me to believe that she would actually date a guy for money. She probably did like him back then and grew out of it now. Thank the heavens.

Lindsey got up, put on my shirt and giggled, "That going to take some getting used to." She commented when the shirt wasn't as long as she'd expected. She ran to her room and came out in a long, white t-shirt. She scampered to the kitchen, "I'll season some chicken for tomorrow." She smiled, "I know how you like that."

I smiled at my girlfriend. Just looking at her made my heart swell with adoration. The week that passed would be the best of my life. Lindsey still preferred that we remained on the DL and that didn't bother me. We didn't have to sneak around or anything. We had a place of our own; once the doors were closed we were a normal couple. Kissing behind each other's necks, sleeping in the same cramped bed, cuddling on the sofa and, of course, sex every night; we were your average couple.

"Oh shoot!" Lindsey said while making an apple pie. She loved to cook pastries which were no problem for me. Getting fat wasn't something we worried about, we both had killer metabolisms and Lindsey was already athletic, "I forgot to put the flower in the apples." She picked up the unfinished pie and poured the filling back into the bowl.

I looked at her from the other side of the counter with narrowed eyes, "Why do you need flower in the apples?" I asked curiously.

She shrugged, "I'm not exactly sure," she told be after putting a spoon of flour in the apple mix, "That's what the recipe said so..." She ate some of the apple mix and offered me the spoon so I can have some.

I leaned over the counter and had some. I moaned when it hit my tastes buds. The apples mixed with sugar, brown sugar and cinnamon was absolutely delicious, "Really good Lindz."

"It'll taste better in the pie." She grinned, "It's my brother's favourite." She finished making the other half of the dough and put the entire pie in the oven, "55 minutes in the oven." She said taking of her oven mitts.

"What do we do in the meanwhile?" I asked thinking back to the homework that's due in three days.

"I have an idea." She walked around the counter and kissed me. "Second from the pie, I've been thinking about this all day." She pulled me towards her bedroom.

"Second from homemade pie? What an honour."

"Shut up." She said when her back hit the wall and we kissed passionately. We were really in our own little world at the moment. Her pie would surely burn or the house might catch a fire. When we were together, the whole world didn't matter. We were oblivious to other people's thoughts and feelings. Maybe that was selfish of us of even self absorbed but we didn't care; only we mattered.

That's why I didn't hear Max's ranting in the halls and was equally as surprised as Lindsey was when he busted through our front door like her lived here. I had enough of Max and was more than ready to rip his head off at that moment.

Max's face was frozen in shock and his eyes flickered from me to Lindsey, back and forth.

My hands started to tremble and if I was ever in danger if phasing it was then and there, "What the hell is wrong with you?!" I yelled, I felt the heat rise to my face with fury.

He stood there frozen, staring like an idiot at both of us. His presence was rendering me angrier and angrier. I backed away from Lindsey who was frozen too. I hadn't noticed that her face was in the same expression as Max's.

"I am going to kill you!" I shouted approaching him slowly.

Max's eyes remained on Lindsey as if he hadn't heard me which was impossible; most of our neighbours heard me.

"Oh, hell no!" He barked at Lindsey.

**Chapter 16.**

"Max! What are you—" Lindsey voice went up several octaves with panic. Her heart now sped out of anxiety. I was so pissed.

"What am I?!" He shouted, his face going red and a vein popping out of his forehead, "What are you? With her!" her gestured angrily at me and my body felt hotter and I felt too overwhelmed with anger.

I clenched my fists and breathed deeply so I wouldn't explode and rip his head off. I didn't have to phase to do that. I could stay human and rip off his limbs. I tried to think rationally and human. Lindsey was close by, she would have a heart attack if I phased. It was so much harder to stay human at this moment. I hadn't phased in months and the beast inside of me was building up.

"Leah, Lee, you're shaking." Lindsey pulled my arm and stood in front of me—her back to Max— to examine me worriedly. She put her hand at my throat and forehead checking my temperature. My glare remained on Max who glared at Lindsey. The thought of all the angry things he was thinking about Lindsey was really making me lose my mind. He wasn't helping me stay human at all. Lindsey's cool fingers prodding at my face did help a bit. "Oh my Gosh, Lee, you so hot!"

"Enough!" Max barked grabbing Lindsey's forearm and jerking her away from me.

Lindsey gasped and glared at him. She tried pulling her arm away but his grip was tight like a vice, "Max!" she yelled.

Max was an average size man—a small man in my opinion but I was very tall so I guess I didn't count. He was my height so not that much taller than Lindsey. He wasn't that big either but unlike me, he had the built of an athlete. His muscles didn't bulge at all but I could tell that he was strong and could very well hurt Lindsey if he felt like it.

"Get your hands off her!" I said through clenched teeth. My body was vibrating and I was starting to burn. I closed my eyes to regain control. Don't phase. Don't phase. I repeated in my head like a remedy.

"What have you done to her?!" Max shouted and I knew he was talking me.

"I didn't do—"

"You turned her into a dike!" he accused.

My eyelids shot open, "What?! You do not get to come to my house and disrespect me and my girlfriend—"

"Girlfriend?" he yelled back, "Is she you're girlfriend?" He shook Lindsey who winced and looked away from him ashamed.

The room was silent except for our loud, angry breathing. I could hear all our hearts pounding uneasily. Lindsey looked at the floor as Max glared at her. That couldn't have been good for her social phobia. I glared at him and tried not to erupt and break his hand that was still holding Lindsey way too tightly.

"Leah, give us a minute." Lindsey whispered not looking up. I heard the defeat in her voice. She was giving up and giving Max what he wanted. She wanted the fighting to stop.

"What?!" The heat drained from my body and I wasn't in danger of phasing anymore. I stared at Lindsey in shock but she didn't meet my gaze. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. She couldn't have wanted a minutes alone with him. I felt the need to clean out my ears and ask her to repeat herself, "You're kidding right?"

"What are you deaf?" Max said.

"Stop it!" Lindsey shrieked and shoved against his chest violently. His stumbled back and his eyes widened at how strong she was, "We'll talk." She turned to face me, "Leah, just...give us a minute, 'kay?"

I practically crumpled to the ground. I couldn't believe she was picking him over me. Him! I couldn't speak. My throat was swollen shut. I just nodded and shot one last glare in Max's direction before going into my room and shutting the door behind me. I wrapped my arms around myself and slid onto the ground leaning on the door. I listened to what they were talking about in the other room. I didn't want to feel my own emotions right now. They would be irrational and predetermined. I needed to talk to Lindsey before I got my feeling hurt.

I heard the front door shut and Lindsey sighed, "Max, I don't know what to say..."

"Say you're joking Lindz, because that's freaking ridiculous." Max said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. He almost sounded like he was going to laugh at her mockingly and I clenched my fists again.

"Max," She begged

"Lindz, you can't be a dyke, you're with me."

I clenched my teeth at the word "dyke" that he was using way more than necessary. He was being such a jerk. I could tell by the sound of Lindsey's voice and the look that was on her face when he said the word for the first time how it hurt her.

"No, I'm not with you." Lindsey denied and my shoulder's squared. How many times had she broken up with Max? Enough times to know that they were really over. I had to relax.

"So you're a dyke now."

"Stop calling me a dyke!" she hissed then lowered her voice, "Just stop it." She practically whispered

"You're parents are going to be so pissed."

"You don't think I know that!"

Lindsey's answer surprised me and suddenly a lot of things made sense. Why she'd never spoken of her parents throughout the duration of our relationship. It was because they wouldn't approve of our relationship. It wasn't because of the first stage of not being sure what society would think but it was her parents. I shrugged to myself. I knew that my Lindz was strong enough to stand up to her parents.

"So what are you going to do?" he asked. He didn't sound concerned at all. He hardly sounded like he cared. He was just looking for new things to roast her about. I wanted to open this door and punch him in the face.

"I don't know..." she whispered, "I haven't really thought this through, it's only been a week—"

"A week?!" he sounded shocked.

"Oh God, Max! Cry me a river. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Your f**k-friend is gay. Boo hoo!" she mocked and I snickered and covered my mouth. That's my girl.

"You weren't my f**k-friend." He said sounding a little more sincere, "Lindz, you know I love you." I heard him approach her, "I think we could fix this. Look, let me give you a few orgasms, then we'll see if you've really gone lezbo."

Lindsey sighed, "Nice," and I heard her hit him, "Really nice, Max,"

"Oh! Come on, Lindz. We both know you liked having sex with me."

A growl erupted in the pit of my stomach. He wasn't even whispering for my effort. He was such a worthless SOB!

"Maxwell...I don't want to have sex with boys anymore." She mumbled. Her head was most likely bowed. She didn't want to look him in the eye as she spoke to him. The only person she really looked in the eyes was me. I tried to find comfort in the fact that she loved me and not him. But I did live with her, and I wasn't deaf. Max was right, they did have good sex. Not that it mattered. Lindz and I had a much healthier sex life, because we loved each other. That made a world of difference.

"And you're parents?"

"What about them?" she demanded, sounding angry. I paid closer attention when she spoke of her parents. I wanted to know all I could so that I could help her with this situation.

"Well, they'll kill you when they find out."

It was quiet for several seconds and I was frustrated that I couldn't see any facial expressions at all. Was she staring at him incredulously because what he was saying was insane?

"You wouldn't." Lindsey finally said.

"I'm like family over there. It might slip on one of my visits."

"Maxwell," she pleaded, "I beg of you to please...not..."

He was blackmailing her. I had heard enough and stood up, throwing my bedroom door open. Lindsey and Max were about two yards away from each other with their hands at their side. Both their heads snapped in my direction when the door opened violently.

"You bastard!" I yelled, "What kind of tool are you? This is hard and Lindsey is supposedly your friend. What are you doing?"

"You were supposed to be Lindsey's friend and you turned her gay!" he retorted.

"I didn't turn her anything!"

He scoffed.

"You really have to get out!"

"No problem. Sick of this place anyways." He walked past Lindsey who was staring at the floor and opened the front door. "Lindz, out of all the things you've done; this is the sickest." He sneered and slammed the door behind him.

Lindsey winced as is the door slamming was a blow she hadn't expected.

I glared at the door for a long moment wishing I could just kill Max. He was such a jerk! He didn't deserve half the things he got. He didn't deserve to have dated Lindsey, or any girl for that matter. He deserved to be alone and I hoped he would choke on something when he got home.

Then I remembered Lindsey. I turned to look at her and she was just nodding to herself as she tried to keep her breathing under control. She robotically walked to the kitchen and checked on the pie that I had forgotten about. It wasn't done so she sighed and started putting away the dry dishes.

I watched her curiously and noticed that her hands were trembling as she put the plates in their rightful places.

I ran to her in inhuman speed but she didn't seem to notice. She kept cleaning up and I worried for her sanity. She had just gotten in a huge fight and now she was cleaning like a housewife in denial.

"Lindz...did I say something that upset you?"

Lindsey turned to look at me and she cheered up just a little. She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes, "Leah, I'm really scared." She admitted.

I sighed and pulled her into a hug. I held her tight and hoped that I could fix all her problems. When she was sad, I always wished that I could make the world the way she wanted it to be so she wouldn't ever sad. Sadly, I couldn't do that, no even remotely. "Your parents will understand, Lindsey, they love you, of course they'll understand."

Lindsey didn't say anything. She let her body relaxed and wasn't going to fret over that anymore. She couldn't have been upset about Max she didn't really take him seriously these days. He was like a toddler to her; throwing tantrums every now and then. She was used to his mood swing. Him grabbing her though, that was uncalled for. I couldn't help but wonder if he ever hurt her in a physical way before but judging by the way she pushed him, she obviously couldn't be pushed around.

"Lindz?" I said. Since we were both already upset, I wanted to throw this out there so we could kill two birds with one stone. I drew in a deep breath and pulled Lindsey away from me, keeping my hands at her shoulders.

She looked at me curiously and I could tell that she didn't want me to stop hugging her. A hint of worry was in her expression and I proceeded before she could make her own assumption.

"Lindsey, I don't know if I've told you before, but I'm very serious about this relation."

Her lips twitched in a smile.

"So...eventually, I want you to meet my mom and brother..."

She had a huge smile on her. She clearly wanted meet my family and that made me smile. She was as serious about this relationship as I was. A fact I was well aware of but every time I saw little signs that it was true, it made me that much happier.

Her face fell, "S**t. You want to meet my parent." She realised. She was more pissed than angry about it.

I shrugged, "Well, yeah...I mean, I want you to mine and, I don't know..." I started to feel embarrassed for bringing it up. It hadn't occurred to me that maybe she didn't want me to meet her parents. I mean I was the first girl she'd ever dated and she would probably be embarrassed of showing me to them. I had already met her brother; it would probably be awkward to be represented as the girlfriend. The idea of Lindsey being embarrassed of showing me to her parents made me feel a little—okay, allot—crappy.

"Leah," she sighed, "You...can't meet my parents."

I nodded solemnly, "Okay, I understand if you don't want—"

"No, Leah! It's not that I don't want you to meet them." She gagged, "If it makes you feel better, I won't be telling them I'm gay anytime soon."

My head snapped up from its shameful loll and I frowned, "What?"

**Chapter 17.**

Lindsey's face was completely composed, as if her sentence was a normal one—one that made perfect sense. I heard her words clearly this time but I refused to tell myself I understood. My jaw hung open and I stared at her waiting for an elaboration but she just smiled innocently waiting for her news to sink in.

"Wait, Lindz, what?" I repeated.

"Leah, you don't know my parents, they are insanely perfect, with the straight teeth and the big smiles," She rolled her eyes. It wasn't hard to notice that she thought her parents were pretentious. I didn't see what that had to do with our relationship. "My dad's a doctor and my mom's a dentist. Aren't they just perfect?" She flashed a sarcastic smile and hissed her teeth.

This new information caught me by surprise, "Lindz...I thought you said you were broke."

She sighed, "I'm...kind of broke," She smiled sheepishly, "Okay, not really broke per say..."

I watched her suspiciously, trying to understand why she would lie about such a minor detail. The first day we met each other she had said she was broke and now, all of a sudden, she wasn't, "How not broke?" I asked.

Her shoulders slumped and she sighed, "My parents can afford to pay tuition for this place. But!" she added before I could let a word in, "But that's their money and I'm an adult, I don't need their..." she sighed again, "Who cares how rich they are? God!"

"I don't. Lindz, I just want to know what that has to do with me meeting them...Are they homophobes?"

She sighed in frustrations, "It's not the gay things, it's everything I do!" She smiled while she said it as if it were ironically funny, "I'm a cheerleader—should have been cheer captain. Got a B in math—you're brother had straight A's. Nothing I do is good enough!" she laughed, "Me being a dyke! That would just make me a complete failure in their eyes." She flipped her hair, "Not that I care anyways." Lindz frowned at her herself and chewed the inside of her cheek as she glared at the floor.

I was flabbergasted by this new information. I never knew that Lindsey was actually the...underachiever in her parents' eyes. She got a scholarship at the University of Washington! That should have been impressive in any parents' eyes. Max said he was a close family friend, was Lindsey's life closer to a television sitcom then I thought? I didn't want to think that Lindsey's parents would actually prefer Max as her—barf—husband. My stomach heaved and I dramatically felt the need to throw-up.

"I..." I wasn't sure what to say.

"Leah, you don't want to meet my parents, I swear, I'm doing you a favour." She kissed my mouth that was still hanging open and walked away, "I have like an hour of homework to do so no funny business." She went in her room and I stood frozen in kitchen just trying to understand the situation. After going over it about twenty times in my head and convincing myself other than what I really believe was important; I came down to this: Lindsey wasn't ashamed of me or our relationship. Her parents were A-holes.

I felt a little pity for her. My parents were always awesome. My mom was amazing and my dad...he was the best dad in the world. I couldn't even imagine how it would feel to detest your parents, I loved mine so deeply.

"Lindsey," I called.

"Yeah?"

I looked at her, "This is weekend is when I go home—wanna come?"

She was surprised by my suggestion at first then she smiled, "Even after hearing about my crazy parents and my social phobia and that I work at Hooters; you still want to bring me to see you mother?"

I nodded.

She bit her lip, "Yeah, I'd really like that."

I smiled back at her. She was so cute at times. Her modesty was so adorable. She had no idea how perfect she was. Even her flaws made her perfect to me, and she had flaws, hundreds of beautiful, perfect flaws, "Then I guess were packing a night bag."

And then it was like there was never an argument. Max didn't exist anymore. It was me and Lindsey in our little Leah and Lindsey land, the best place in the world. Lindsey and I did our homework in my bedroom. She lay on the floor with her books scattered and I parched on my bed doing work of my own. We ate half of Lindsey's delicious pie and got cleaned up for bed.

Lindsey was exhausted after eating all that pie and a warm shower; she fell asleep once her head hit the pillow. I curled up beside her and wrapped my arms around her. The low buzzing of my vibrating cell phone woke me up before I was even sleeping. I sighed and took my phones.

I saw Jacob's name show up on the screen and after two seconds of hesitation I picked up, "What?"

"No, Leah, We've had this conversation before. First you say 'Hi' then I say 'Hello'." Jacob said sounding in an especially good mood. I didn't care what he was happy about so I just followed his orders.

"Hi, Jake, how are you?" I whispered afraid to wake Lindz. She was a heavy sleeper though, she could sleep through a hurricane, it was disturbing in a way.

"Do you still talk to Danielle? Because she's back together with Aaron...I thought there was something going on between you two." Jacob dove right into what he wanted to talk about.

I was taken by surprise by all the information he'd given me and I immediately felt bad for not calling or texting Danielle...who was apparently back together with Aaron. I sighed internally. I wanted her to be happy and I mourned over the fact that she wasn't looking hard enough for it.

"No, Jake...there's nothing going on between me and her." I said glumly and was surprised by how this upset me. "Wait! Mind your own business, Jake!" I hissed, pissed that he made me think of the big mess I had left with Danielle. I wanted to talk to her but wondered when would be the good time and if it would be awkward or not. These were complications that I didn't care to think about and Jacob had to remind me of them.

He ignored me, "Because I'm positive I heard her saying she was a lesbian—you know? Like you." He said as if I of all people would forget, "Actually, she sounded like she was coming on to you...Oh! Did you two...you know...?"

I rolled my eyes and debated on whether to hang up on him or not. I was really starting to rue these weekly phone calls. Deep down, I was flattered that he cared enough to call but I wished I was there so I could slap him for asking such a rude questions. "No, Jake, I didn't 'you know'."

"Oh...well that's..." he snickered. "No, yeah, good for you."

"Jake, I'm with Lindsey now,"

He was quiet for a few seconds then bursted, "I love when that happens!"

"When what happens?"

"When I'm right! It never gets annoying, if anything, it keeps getting better." He laughed then sighed, "I'm happy for you, Leah." He sounded sincere.

I smiled and glanced at Lindsey who wasn't in any danger of waking. "I'm happy." With Lindsey in my arms, after a huge fight with a raging idiot, I was still happier than I'd ever been. All because of Lindsey—she was a miracle worker. "I can't wait for you to meet her."

"I can't wait to meet her either. I swear, it's like you've been keeping her a secret."

I frowned. That was a touchy word for him to use. Lindsey was no secret of mine. I wanted to declare our love on the roof tops, "You'll see her in a few days Jake, she's coming with me this weekend." I said smugly.

"Oh, okay, I'm looking forward to it."

I didn't like the mocking tone in his voice, "Jacob Black, I'm serious, Lindsey and I will be there Friday night after work."

"Okay."

I frowned, "Jake, Lindsey is sleeping and I would hate to wake her..." I let myself trail off.

"Oh, then I'll get out of your hair."

"Thanks,"

"Hey, Leah," Jacob said before I could hang up. He sounded like he had something important to say so I listened.

"Yes?"

"Give Lindsey a kiss for me." He snickered.

I frowned, "Go to hell, Jacob." I hung up and put my phone on the night table. All the lights were already off and I wrapped my arm around Lindsey.

"Who was that?" Lindsey mumbled, barely awake, her body melded itself closer to mine and she sighed.

"My alpha."

"Mmm..." She moaned.

The next day it was completely as if Max never existed. We crossed him in the halls and Lindsey didn't even glance in his direction. I heard the change in her heart pattern under his torturous glare but other than that, she took the whole thing pretty well. We weren't declaring our love to the world like I wanted but I knew that once we left Seattle, she'd be more open. I was excited for my mom and Seth to meet her. I was excited for Jacob to meet her. I wanted to show off. I wanted everyone to see how that I was happy, that I was capable of being happy. I wanted the other wolves to see that I wasn't bitter and annoying to everyone, that there was someone who thought I was amazing too.

I called my mom and told her we were coming over to spend the long weekend with them. My mother was psyched and more excited to meet Lindsey than I thought she would. She decided we would all meet at a restaurant in Port Angeles. All five of us. Of course Jacob had to inject himself in every family event.

Friday, after school, Lindsey and I both went to work. It was a short day at school so we both worked rather early. I didn't take long to get dressed at all. We were just going to some random restaurant, a nice buttoned down shirt and jeans were enough. I wasn't in the mood for heels, who was I trying to impress.

Lindsey wasn't on the same page as me at all. She wore a purple and black checkered dress and heels that made her my height, maybe even taller. She looked at herself in the mirror and pulled up her dress, intensifying her cleavage.

"Lindz, no one's going to be looking at that, you're not going to working." I chuckled.

Lindsey turned around in the cramped bathroom to raise her perfect eyebrow, "Ha. Ha. Very funny, Leah." She rolled her eyes and grinned after looking at me up and down, "I'm your height."

I smiled, "Congratulations, you're a giant."

Traffic was non-existent on our little road trip. I couldn't believe how time was on our side. I knew this night would be perfect. A tiny little get together with all the people I truly loved. Sadly, Jacob fit in the category of my loved one's. The annoying bastard grew on me. It was dark though but it wasn't technically late.

"Five of us right?" Lindsey said sounding a bit breathless. She swallowed hard and I noticed the change in her heart pattern.

"Are you okay, Lindz?" I asked her with worry in my voice. I parked in front of the restaurant we would be attending and examined Lindsey who seemed a little flushed under her chocolate brown skin.

"I'm sorry," She gasped, "Stupid social phobia..." she began hyperventilating, she took large gasps of air between ever word. "Social event...aren't my highest points." She wrapped her arms around her own waist and gasped for air.

Frozen in shock I pressed the button to roll down the windows. Lindz gasped a thank you and I stared at her blankly. Lindsey's life was a social event; she never ceased to confuse me. How could she be having a panic attack because of a social event? She was Ms. Social. I was never going to get used to the fact that she had such a phobia. Even now, watching her hyperventilate in my small car, I had problems believing that it was because of a social even that we would be attending.

"I'm so sorry," Lindsey apologized, "I'm fine, I'll be great ,I promised." Her breathing was laboured before it steady and she was back to normal. Her long hair was in a pony tail and she looked at herself in the mirror, "I'll be going natural haired next week." She announced nonchalantly.

She was so odd! I was going to ask her what the hell that was. I didn't know how comfortable I would be with her having panic attacks out of the blue like she just had. Then be okay once she got over her attack. It was weird. My Lindz.

"Natural hair?" I repeated.

"I can't wait either," she flashed me a grin, "My real hair is way better than this fake stuff."

"I like you hair." I shrugged.

"Oh, uh, well, my mom always thought that the fake hair looked nicer." She was bitter again once her mother came into the subject, "My real hair isn't thick enough. Arrogant hag..." She muttered the under her breath. "Okay let's go meet the parents!" She opened her door and stepped out of the car. After closing the car door I heard her yelp.

I immediately started to worry and rushed out of the car to come to Lindsey rescue. I was positive it was nothing too serious but I still hurried. Lindsey was more of a gasper, so making an actual sound when she was frightened was very rare.

Lindsey had her purse clutched up closer to her face as she stared with horrified eyes at my brothers.

His eyes widened and he glanced in my direction in shock, "Oh," he said in realisation, "Oh, ow, uh, ouch!" he faked his cries of agony covering his nose as if he had been punched. Judging by Lindsey terrified expression, he had been.

I almost walked over to Seth and punched him in the face myself to save her from the embarrassment but sadly, she caught on faster than I thought she would and groaned.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" she apologized, the humiliation evident in her face, "Seth, right? Damn it! I'm so sorry." She shot me a look, clearly begging for me to help.

Seth hadn't stopped his fake cries.

"Shut up, Seth! She knows." I barked.

"Oh." He stood up straight, completely healed and frowned at me, "Well, sorry, last time I checked, getting punched in the nose really hurts."

"No excuse to whine like a little—"

"Leah!" Lindsey hissed and turned to Seth, "Hi," she flashed her most beautiful smile; my heart skipped a beat at the sight of it. "I'm Lindsey and I'm so sorry."

"I know who you are." Seth grinned, "I think it's great that you and Leah are gay and stuff."

**Chapter 18.**

"Oh! Um...thanks...?" Lindsey blinked in astonishment at Seth's directness.

"You're welcome." He beamed.

I walked around the car and punched my idiot brother in the arm.

"Ow," he rubbed his arm, wincing at the pain that wasn't fake. The excitement of Lindsey meeting everyone hadn't sunk in yet. I was still getting over Lindsey's panic attack and the fact that she'd just punched Seth in the face. I was positive that Lindsey's nerves weren't in great shape. She had her nerves under control till Seth harassed her and gave her a heart attack. I wanted to punch him a second time.

I wrapped my arm around Lindsey's waist, "Sorry, he's an idiot." I murmured to her.

A warm smile grew on Seth's face when he watched me with Lindsey. He composed himself quickly and led us to the Italian restaurant. We walked up the few steps and Seth held the door open for us. Lindsey thanked him politely and Seth brought us to the table that had been waiting at.

Lindsey froze when she saw the size table. Our Table. We were told it was a party of 5. That was either a lie or somebody couldn't keep their mouth shut because the table had much more than 5 people, there was triple that, maybe one or two more.

I knew I wanted the pack to meet Lindsey; I wanted them to see how happy I was and how beautiful she is. But apparently social events weren't Lindsey's high points and having 7 giant wolf men grinning at her wasn't going to make her heart take any rest. I didn't even get to feel the satisfaction at the lack of pain I felt when Sam's eyes rested on Lindsey and I as a couple. I couldn't even enjoy it because I knew Lindsey was freaking out at my side.

"WTF." She breathed. She took one long and deep breath before saying, "Hi! I'm Lindsey Craig," her voice cracked and she cleared her throat.

They all stared at us, nothing but silence and I could only imagine what was going through their minds. Leah was Lesbian. That must have been a surprise for all of them. It was obvious why they were here; they wanted to see it for themselves. Seth couldn't keep his trap shut and now the whole town knew I was gay. I didn't mind but I was frustrated of the situation Seth had put Lindsey in.

Paul, Jared, Embry and Quil picked up napkins at the exact same time to cover their mouths and stifle their laughter. The women by their sides rolled their eyes and smiled apologetically at me.

My mom got up from her seat next to Charlie. I was glad my mom had found a man she was comfortable with—even though she didn't want to admit she was falling for chief Swan—but even he had heard that circus was in town and decided he, too, wanted to stare at the lesbionic woman.

"Leah!" she cried. She looked Lindsey up and down then smiled, "Hello sweetheart! Oh! You're even more beautiful than I thought."

Lindsey giggled, "Thank you, Sue, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you." My mother had taken both of Lindsey's hands in hers, smiling more than I'd seen her smile in a long time.

"I can't say I've heard much about you." My mother said, "But that doesn't matter. Come. Sit." She led us to the gigantic rectangle table that consisted of several tables being pushed together. Lindsey took the seat next to Jacob. He grinned at her and she laughed nervously, her heart pounding in her chest.

"She's gorgeous," my mom commented in a whisper.

"Thanks. I know. Isn't she?" I replied sitting down next to her. I Leaned closer to Lindz and murmured to her as if we were the only two people here, "Lindsey, calm down, they'll love you."

"I know—I'm trying." Her smile was a bit tense.

"Hi," Jacob's deep voice interrupted our conversation, "I'm Jacob." He offered Lindsey his hand which she shook with a tight grip, trying to prove herself manlier. She was just so darn unique.

"The Alpha, I know." She nodded.

"Oh, you know?" Jacob looked at me curiously and I shook my head slowly. Even though I had told Lindsey dozens of time that I was a werewolf, she still didn't believe me. If Jacob and all the other guys starting talking all wolfish she would think everyone was screwing with her head, or worse, making fun of her. Jacob didn't seem to understand but proceeded. "Sorry about all these people. Leah is very...popular."

I scoffed.

"Um...that's okay, I love parties." Lindsey grinned and turned to the person facing her. She gasped when her eyes settled on Emily's disfigured face and she bowed her head to glare at the table.

I took her hand under the table, "It's okay, Lindz," I mumbled under my breath and hoped she could hear me. I lifted her chin with my other hand and angled her head so she was looking at Charlie, "Lindsey, this is Charlie, a friend of the family."

Charlie smiled shyly and I said hi to him myself then proceeded with introductions, "Emily and Sam. Emily's a cousin and Sam's her fiancé." I looked at Sam for a long second waiting for the pain to kick in. For a warm memory to hit me hard and send me gasping for air and begging for mercy so the pain would stop. It never came. I didn't feel angry or bitter anymore. I was content and I wasn't bothered at all with watching them together. I was about to introduce the next person but when I saw the unbelievably beautiful face my words got caught in my throat. I wasn't prepared to see this face. It was such a new dilemma; I hadn't had the time to fully heal.

Danielle's full lips curled up into a smile and to the other's, she probably seemed happy, but I saw the pain in her eyes and the want to be happy for someone else. To be happy for me. Our eyes met and we knew everything the other was thinking. She was so unhappy. The man by her side wasn't the one she loved. She endured loving him just like I endured the pain for many years. I knew that if Danielle was happy it wouldn't hurt to see her, because we would both be happy. There would be no pain.

"Danielle," I whispered her name. It was such a beautiful name. One of those names I could hear hundreds of times and never get tired of hearing it. If I was ever able to have kids, Danielle was on the list of names, whether it was a girl or a boy, Danielle would suffice.

Lindsey looked at me curiously. She didn't understand the tone in my voice. It didn't sound the same when I said Danielle's name. It wasn't the same tone I used to say Sam or Emily. It was other and Lindsey didn't like that.

I cleared my throat, Danielle and I snapped out of it and I continued, "Danielle and her boyfriend...?"

Danielle nodded and didn't seem at all happy to do so.

"Boyfriend Aaron. Danielle and I have been best friends since before you were born."

"Interesting," Lindsey mumbled, "Hi! Lindsey; Leah's roommate—"

"Girlfriend." I corrected.

"Oh, right, girlfriend." Lindsey bit her lip and made a face that showed she didn't want to talk for the rest of the night in fear of saying another stupidity.

"Evening, Leah, I haven't seen you in such a long time." Aaron said. He hadn't changed at all since the last time I saw him. He still had the cropped black hair and dark green eyes that looked amazing with his copper skin. Any straight girl would be lucky to have a guy like him. He wasn't only good looking, he was a good guy.

"Aaron, hi, I know, I'm sorry." I smiled, "Kim; Jared's girlfriend, Rachael; Jacob's sister and Paul's girlfriend." Paul and Jared snickered uncontrollably. Rachael face palmed and elbowed Paul.

"Please," Rachael begged and he nodded biting on his bottom lip.

Rachael, Jacob's older sister, looked allot like her brother. Their hair both had the same thickness and the silk curtain feel to it. The resemblance between her and Jacob was off a bit because her face was round instead of rectangle, her lips weren't nearly as full as Jacob's but in a strange way, we could tell that she was related to Jacob.

Rachael smiled at us both and she turned back to Paul who was still shaking with laughter.

I continued, not showing the annoyance in my voice. Nobody used to care about anything that happened to me and now that I was gay everyone wanted to see it for themselves. I didn't even really know Kim that well.

"Hi, hello," Lindsey said.

"Quil, Embry, and that's everyone." I said in a rush wanting the awkward introductions to end. I knew Lindsey would remember the names; it was this creepy gift she had, "Okay, so let's order or what?"

"Good, I'm starving, haven't eaten since lunch." Lindsey said picking up the menu in front of her and scanning it. She placed it on the table, still open and removed her jacket and hung it on the back of her chair.

"Your dress is really nice," Emily commented.

"Thank you." Lindsey smiled and went back to looking at her menu, "Hun, do you know what's good here?" She asked me.

"Uh...the cheese ravioli I guess. That's what I'll be having." I answered.

"Awesome, me too then." She chirped.

"Aw, isn't that cute," Paul grinned. "Ordering the same food."

I looked up from Lindsey and noticed that everyone was staring at us. They were looking at us, waiting for Lindsey and me to say something. This evening was just supposed to be a meeting and now, Lindsey and I were the guests of honour.

Lindsey's heart precipitated but she ignored her nerves and smiled, "Hi, Jacob, and everyone else, so...what happened? I heard it was only going to be five and now..."

"Sorry, about that," My mother apologized, "The boys haven't seen Leah in such a long time, and they heard she'd...found someone, it was kind of a big deal."

"Translation: they heard I was gay and wanted to stare at us." I rephrased.

"Leah!" My mother warned.

"Come on, mom! You know it's true."

"Leah, that's rude." She said strictly.

I scoffed, "Oh, I'm rude." I mumbled, looking down at the table.

"Leah," Lindsey warned in a whisper.

I looked up into her eyes and she was pleading. My frustration evaporated and I nodded feeling exactly like the other idiots at the table. I needed my imprint to settle me down so I would behave and act polite.

We all ordered our food and handed the menus to the waitress. It wasn't as hard to be around Danielle as I thought it would be. I didn't stare at her because I was busy staring at Lindsey who was trying to keep up a conversation with as much people as possible. Every time I would glance in Danielle's direction, I found her looking at me already.

She just pasted a fake smile on her face and pretended to listen to Lindsey's stories. People laughed, not because I was lesbian but because Lindsey said things and made jokes that made them burst into laughter.

"So, you guys are getting married?" Lindsey directed her question to Sam and Emily. Lindsey didn't stare at Emily's scar and I didn't worry that she would. She most likely wasn't looking into her eyes. She was probably just staring at her nose and looked around while she listened to people talk. When our food came, Lindsey's attempts to not make eye contact were visibly less evident. She just looked down at her food and nodded while she listened.

"Yes, we will be," Emily answered and looked up at Sam lovingly.

Lindsey didn't know that Sam was my ex and I hoped that nobody here thought it would be necessary to point it out. It didn't make much of a difference; not only was I no longer in love with Sam, I wasn't even attracted to men at all. It was hard to believe that I used to be attracted to that.

"That's so romantic," Lindsey said dreamily, "You guys are so cute together, I have a feeling you'll be together for a long time."

"We have that feeling too," Sam agreed, "You're invited to the wedding, Leah's the maid of honour." Sam smiled at me and my responding smile was a few seconds late. I'd almost forgotten about that.

"Oh! Leah never told me..." Lindsey let herself trail off and looked at me.

"Slipped my mind, I guess..." I shrugged.

"Yeah, speaking of weddings," Paul said, "Are you two going to run away to California to get married?" he grinned, "It's legal there, right?" he asked Rachael whose face was frozen in shock at his rude question. She held her salad to her mouth with her jaw hanging open.

Lindsey and I both laughed. Marriage was the last thing on our minds; we hadn't even been dating for a month yet. We didn't want or need to get married to be happy. The idea of me getting married was almost hilarious.

"Yeah, right," I laughed. Lindsey was still snickering beside me, "Oh, hey Lindz, let's run away and get married."

"Oh, let's do that!" Lindz chirped playfully.

"Yeah, we're moving to sunny L.A so we can get married." I rolled my eyes.

"Who needs L.A? It's legal in some parts of Canada!"

"Which one of us would wear the dress?" I joked.

"Both of us! I'll wear the bigger dress!" Lindsey sounded a little sincere and I stopped there. I was joking, was she not able to see that?

"Wait?" Jared interrupted, "Are you serious? Because you seem like your joking but she. doesn't seem to get that." he pointed at us as he thought out loud.

Lindsey and I stared at each other for several seconds, both our expressions equally puzzled. I could see that this wasn't a conversation we should have in front of all these witnesses. Lindsey obviously felt the same way and we were both unsure to elaborate.

"They've only been dating a few weeks." Danielle came to our rescue, "I'm sure they haven't thought about that stuff. Aaron and I have been dating for years and we're not even close to marriage."

"Yeah," Lindsey agreed, "It's really complicated. I mean, being gay and getting married isn't going to be easy since it's not legal in a lot of states. Like what you said Paul."

"Exactly," I corresponded, "It's so complicated and marriage is just a piece of paper. We don't really want to go through all the trouble just so that we can be legally bounded."

"But we haven't thought about it." Lindsey added.

"Don't you need a legally binding piece of paper to adopt though?" Kim asked cocking her head to the side.

My head whipped in her direction and I glared at her for replacing one touchy subject with another. Kids. Ew. I knew for a fact that Lindsey didn't want kids and I had accepted a long time ago to let go of that dream.

"Ew," I said at the same time Lindsey said, "Well..."

We looked at each other again then turned to the rest of the group.

"Again," I started, "Adoption's a complicated procedure that can take years and thousands of dollars."

"But...there's that in-vitro stuff." Seth said, "That doesn't take as long."

"Money, Seth." I said through clenched teeth, "Something we don't have right now."

"We're not saying now." My mother interrupted and this was just getting worse, "You two have a bright future ahead of you. Maybe 7 or ten years from now..."

"It's not something we've thought about." I said getting angrier and more frustrated.

"But I'm sure we'll consider it 10 years from now." Lindsey said.

"Might being the key word." I clarified.

"Yeah," Lindsey nodded, "In vitro is definitely plan B. Adoption plan A. There are so many children in the world who need good parents."

"And I'm sure they'll find em'." I looked at Lindsey confused. What was she saying? She wasn't making sense and I was getting confused. I couldn't tell whether she was just trying to make the audience happy with her responses or if she was being serious. Either way, she was scaring the crap out of me. I was always afraid of babies and hearing my girlfriend talking about having one was making me skittish.

"Yeah," she nodded and smiled at me. "I would love having a little African baby."

"Oh, cute," Emily crooned.

"Excuse me, for a minute." Danielle left the table. I hadn't noticed just how beautiful she was tonight. She looked amazing walking away in that tight black dress. Her thick black hair swayed from side to side in her mid back.

"But we don't really want kids." I said not really focused. I pulled my eyes away from where Danielle was to see Lindsey's jaw hanging open. Before I could take back what I said it was already out and everyone at the table heard.

"Um, I'm going to wash my hands," Lindsey excused herself and skipped a little faster in her heels so she could catch up with Danielle. I was too stressed to worry about the fact that my first-girl-kiss would be in a small washroom alone with my present girlfriend.

It was quiet for a few seconds then Jacob spoke.

"She's nice, I like her." He nodded.

"Yeah," Quil agreed, "She's very funny and, well, good for you."

"She's hot too." Aaron said since he was the only one whose girlfriend wasn't there at the time. He said what the other guys didn't say because they didn't notice or didn't care, "You really hit the jackpot. If I weren't with Danielle I'd be really pissed that such a bombshell switched teams."

I frowned.

"No, Leah, it's a compliment. It's just a waste is all." He explained when he saw my expression.

"A waste?" I repeated.

"Oh, dear sweet God," Someone muttered.

"Leah," Seth rested his hand on my arm, "He thinks your girlfriend is pretty, don't get offended."

I pursed my lips and clenched my fist so I would settle down. It was hard to not get offended when I was the talk of the town.

"You guys really have to talk." Emily said to me, "You two clearly aren't on the same page with a lot of things."

I sighed. "I'm just now realising that."

**Chapter 19.**

Lindsey came back and sat down next to me. She placed her napkin on her lap like a perfect lady and drank from her glass of water. She didn't glance in my direction and she continued picking at her ravioli.

Danielle came back at the same time as Lindsey and she smiled at me and nodded in approval.

I looked at Danielle pleadingly, hoping she could explain whether Lindsey was mad at me or not. I understood that what I said was...incorrect but Lindsey couldn't be mad at me because I didn't want kids. Lindsey was way to understanding to be mad at me because of that. I looked at Danielle then glanced at Lindsey with questioning eyes.

Danielle's smooth face scrunched into a grimace and she nodded. Lindsey was mad. Just my luck.

Conversations were going on around the table that didn't necessarily involve Lindsey and I. I guessed they had gotten used to me being gay. I was normal again. Just Leah.

Lindsey turned her back to me to insert herself into Embry, Quil and Jacob's conversation. She laughed at a joke Embry made but I didn't hear what it was. I was too aghast by the fact she was mad at me. I hadn't even done anything. Kids were gross and disgusting; I couldn't imagine getting one of those things willingly. If Lindsey wanted kids she could've just said so, if she wanted kids I wouldn't deprive her of that.

I tried to slip my hand into hers from under the table but she put her hands on the table so that I wouldn't try again. I felt pain before the anger set in. I didn't do anything wrong. Why was she acting like this? I didn't need or deserve to be treated this way. I had drunken a lot of liquids so I figured it was time to excuse myself.

"Excuse me for a minute," I got up.

"Jeez you girls have week bladders," Seth commented.

I was already on edge and Seth's comment pushed me too far. I punched with too much force in his shoulder and he groaned rubbing his arm.

"Ugh! Go to hell Leah." He said massaging his arm.

"I'm already there." I said and started walking away till a cool hand wrapped around my wrist. The touch was one that made my entire body melt even though I was supposedly mad at the person as well.

"Leah, are you okay?" Lindsey worried.

I looked into her eyes, "I'm fine," I yanked away but not hard. Lindsey refused to let me go. She didn't buy it.

"I'll come with you." She said and started picking up her purse full of make-up.

"No, Lindsey, I'm okay."

"You just punched you brother, you're not okay." She started getting up and I held her down by her shoulders, "I'm fine." I assured her.

Lindsey looked at me with hurt confusion. I could tell that she regretted hurting me. It pained her to see I was pissed and by the way things looked, I was pissed at her.

I sighed and completely forgot that we were at a dinner party with about fifteen witnesses and an ex or two. Lindsey was hurt and I just wanted to show her that I was definitely not mad at her. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers. Lindsey forgot about the others too because she didn't hesitate to kiss me back. Her heart fluttered and I broke our kiss to smile at her, "Not mad."

Lindsey was a little flustered and nodded turning back to the table and the others.

I didn't pause to watch them gawk at her.

Lindsey giggled and continued eating her food.

"Well, I saw what I came here for," Paul uttered to someone else.

"I think it's sweet." Rachael said.

"Is it wrong that I think it's really hot?" Embry whispered.

"No shame bro." Quil said and I heard a high five being exchanged.

Usually I would've been pissed but Lindsey kiss always brought me to new heights, I couldn't even remember why I was angry in the first place. My trip to the bathroom was only three minutes long then I was back next to Lindsey and holding her hand like I wanted to from the very beginning.

The night went great! Everyone loved Lindsey like I thought and Lindsey's nerves settled down when she realised that too.

Lindsey gave everyone a hug and kiss when the night was over and we walked to my car hand in hand. Seth asked to ride with us but I said no, I had to talk to Lindsey. Alone.

I opened Lindsey's door for her and Lindsey turned to look at me before stepping into the car. Her smile was soft and absolutely gorgeous, "I had so much fun." She pulled at my chest and crushed my lips with hers. I was a little surprised which caused my heart to pound even harder in my chest. The urgency in Lindsey's kiss made my head spin and I cupped her face keeping her prisonner.

Lindsey giggled and pushed against my chest, "That being said," She said breathlessly, "We have to talk."

My head hadn't stopped spinning, "Yeah," I breathed, "Could you drive—I feel a little lightheaded."

"Sure," she kissed my lips, took my car keys and walked around to the driver's side.

I plopped into the passenger seat and took deep breaths. That kiss was just so intense; I couldn't believe she just kissed me like that at a public place. The part of me that was gasping for air was excited that she was so comfortable. We would be visiting this place more often.

"Where are we going?" Lindsey asked.

"Just follow my mom's car." I pointed at the blue car in front of us.

She nodded, "Let's talk Lee."

"Yeah," My breathing had just gotten back to its normal pace, "Why were you mad?"

"Why was I mad? Why were you mad?" she retorted.

"I asked first."

She rolled her eyes, "You were all like We don't want kids" she imitated me poorly, making her voice deeper as if I were a man.

I frowned, "I don't sound like that," I said offended.

Lindsey ignored me, "I don't know if I want kids but I don't like you telling people that we don't want kids." She continued as she drove, "I'm going to be honest with you and say that I want to be with you. I don't think I'll ever want someone else so I'm comfortable telling you that I didn't like it when you dismissed kids from our future. It pissed me off because you said it as if it were done—end of discussion—I didn't appreciate it."

Listening to everything Lindsey had said, I couldn't fight the smile on my face. My heart fluttered when she said it and I thought I might start crying of happiness. I was having so many mixed feeling and the positive ones overthrew negative one. I laughed.

"God, Leah! I hate when you do that! Don't laugh, I'm serious." She shouted.

"No, Lindsey, you said you only wanted me. I'm just so happy to hear you say that." I explained.

"When are you going to get it through your head that I love you more than life itself?" She asked not hiding her annoyance. "I'm the one who should be worried." She mumbled.

"Wait what?" I looked at her curiously, completely puzzled by her attitude.

She smiled at me, "That Danielle is beautiful, isn't she?"

"Oh, Danielle, sure...I guess." I hesitated. My heart faltered. I recalled Lindsey and Danielle being in the washroom at the same time. I cursed my sensitivity for making me not care what they would be talking about. I took a deep breath and braised myself for whatever Lindsey had heard from her. If she came close to any kind of truth, I would tell her everything. I didn't want anything between me and Lindsey, I hated lying to her—even the idea of doing so.

"She's in love with you." Lindsey said in a conversational tone. She didn't look away from the road when she said it but the fact didn't seem to bother her. She said it the same way she would have said "I'm hungry".

Her calmness didn't soothe me at all. I doubted Lindsey was actually calm right now. She had to be lying, something she was too good at when she wasn't having a panic attack.

"I can tell." Lindsey continued, "The way she looks at you...it's kind of sweet. I mean, she wants you to be happy and it hurts her to see you with me, but she endures it. For you."

Lindsey didn't see my confused expression. I was taken aback when she called Danielle's feelings for me sweet. They were far from sweet. They were heartbreaking. She loved someone who could never love her back. I thought Lindsey would be pissed off at Danielle but her face showed no signs of distaste. No sign of anything really—she was just following the car in front of us.

"That kind of shows that she's a better person than me, doesn't it?" She paused, giving me time to respond. I was too shocked to make an air bubble come up my throat and form an actual sentence. She went on, "I could never be so selfless. I would never have let you slip...well, not now anyways, not after having you. Before, I wouldn't have done much but now that we're semi-out; you're mine." There was a lot of possessiveness in her statement but I didn't let it bother me. It was accurate—I was hers. She sighed, "I do feel bad for her though, she's worse than me—you know with Max?—she really is a lesbian and, well, being with a man—any man—is going to harder for her than it was for me."

The questions in my head kept piling up till I could finally make myself ask one. It didn't take long for me to want to talk to Lindsey about these things. I wanted us to be on the same page about every, and this was a pretty important page. I wanted to ask about Danielle. Where had Lindsey gotten all this information? But one thing she said really stuck out and I couldn't keep that one for later. It was a loan question so I decided to just throw it out there.

"What do you mean harder for her?" I asked. My mouth felt dry and I tried moistening it for a long conversation.

"Oh! Are they already having sex? My bad. In that case, she's probably disgusted with it and—"

"No, Lindz, I mean you said it would be harder for her than it was for you? What do you mean?" I already knew what she meant but I wanted to be sure before saying it out loud. The last thing I wanted to do was insult Lindsey even though I was 80 percent sure I was right. I didn't know what her conformation would do to me, a part of me hoped I was wrong but I didn't know why.

"I don't know...I mean, when I was with..." she glanced at me seeming nervous. I knew she would say Max. Remind me of the hundreds of time she'd had sex with Max. Hearing her speak of it always made my stomach turn even though she was never descriptive. "When I was with...Ruffus—"

"Ruffus!?!" my voice went up several octaves with shock. The huge bouncer from the club instantly flashed through my mind. His bulging muscles, his cocky grin, dimpled chin and chizzled jaw. He was a huge guy! He could've crushed her.

Lindsey giggled, "Yeah," she seemed proud till she looked at my horrified and shocked face. Her grin turned sheepish, "It was a long time ago—at least a year ago."

"Ruffus? The bouncer? Channing Tatum guy?" The idea of Lindsey being with Ruffus made no sense. Lindsey was barely legal and Ruffus was well passed his mid-twenties. He seemed like a decent guy, it didn't seem like his type of thing.

"He does look like Channing Tatum!"

I couldn't move my face, it didn't move and Lindsey stopped grinning.

"Like I was saying; I was attracted to Ruffus—physically I mean. I wanted to have sex with him. Not only to piss off Max but because I wanted strong arms like his too—" She cut herself short when my expression turned into one of disgust, "Anyways, once upon a time, I was attracted to men, it's weird. I mean, now what? Am I just not attracted to guys anymore? Do I only like woman? I mean, Danielle's hot but I hadn't really noticed. Like, I don't care." She waited for me to give her a huge answer that would solve all her problems but I was as confused as her in that category. I couldn't help her. "It's like I've gone blind."

She was basically referring to our imprint. I wanted to tell her that it was our imprint doing this to her but she'd think I was joking and be mad at me.

"I don't know Lindz, when I was with Sam..." I waited for her to cut me off but she didn't. She just nodded waiting, "I guess I was attracted to him—very much so—but now, I'm not, and to be honest; I don't see anyone but you."

"That's sweet. I'm sorry about Sam; you'll have to tell me about that."

"I know,"

"I think I want kids, Lee. I don't know...I just, think I want one." She said hesitantly.

I answered her honestly, it was the best answer I could give her, "I want anything that make you happy. If it's a booger or two"—I sighed—"then I guess we'll be great parent."

"And marriage?"

"If we need legally binding papers..." I shrugged.

"Sunny L.A?" she grinned.

"One step at a time," I grimaced. I wasn't crazy for the scorching heat, she knew that. She just wanted to see how far I'd go for her. She had no idea how far I would really go. "I thought you said something about it being legal in Canada."

"Eskimos." She giggled.

"That's racist." I said, "Is that a pass at me being native?" I pretended to be offended. Lindsey was the least racist person I knew.

She laughed harder.

"You're racist." I rolled my eyes, laughing. Had we just been close to an argument a few minutes ago? I didn't notice the difference in the atmosphere.

**Chapter 20.**

"...So out of nowhere, he broke up with me." I was telling Lindsey about my gruesome love story. The ending of life as I knew it and the beginning of a bitter life that had now been replaced with sunshine and happiness because of Lindsey. It didn't pain me to tell the story. It was like I was talking about someone else's life. It sounded so awful, so heart breaking but I felt whole. It was hard to believe all of it happened to me. "He wanted Emily, he loved her instead of me."

"Oh my God, that sounds awful." Lindsey's shoulders slouched. She was so into happy endings and what-not. My predetermined end didn't help her take it in; Lindsey was still disappointed of the outcome. We sat crossed legged on my twin sized bed facing each other and talking about the serious stuff. They might not have been pleasant but we had to talk about them. My mom had set a sleeping bag next to my bed for me to sleep on since the guest got the bed. Lindz and I had to stifle our laughter when she suggested it. "That's such a jerkish thing to do! I can't believe he did that! And Emily—" she was outraged about the story and was about to rant about it. It hadn't occurred to her that if I hadn't been brutally heartbroken I wouldn't have been in any rush to leave La Push and Lindsey I never would have met.

"Lindsey, it's okay, that was a long time ago," I assured her, "I'm over it." I took her hand, "Way over it." I smiled at her.

"But you guys were in love—real love—how could he do that?" She was confused. She thought that Emily and Sam were such a cute couple but hearing the way they found each other twisted up the whole idea she'd set up for them.

"They're love is strong Lindz, like ours—exactly like ours."

"Impossible," she shook her head, "It's not possible for someone to feel this way."

I opened my mouth to tell that it happened more than she thought. That imprints were something that I'd seen happen several time and would probably see many more in this life time but I thought better of it, the last thing I wanted to have was the me and all my friends are werewolves conversation.

We were quiet for a while. It was kind of an awkward silence and neither of us knew how to break it.

"I'm sleepy," Lindsey finally said and lay down on bed. She pushed me so that my butt would get out of her face and I got off the bed. She hugged the pillow and snuggled under the comforter. She closed her eyes and physically looked like she was sleeping, but then she mumbled, "So you're sleeping on the floor or with me?"

"Where do you want me to sleep?" I asked her turning off the dim light from the lamp and crawling into my bed with her.

She sighed happily, "Perfect," She turned her back to me and I wrapped my arms around her waist and melded her body to mine, breathing in her delicious sent and letting out a sigh of my own.

The next morning was something I found myself looking forward to it. Now that the audience was completely gone, mom and Seth could see Lindsey for what she really was. What woke me up was the sensation of the room to stretch and my empty arms. I didn't like waking up without Lindsey in my arms but the jolly humming I heard in the other room was proof that she wasn't too far away.

Letting out a big yawn, I rolled out of bed rubbing my eyes and headed for the bathroom.

"Morning, Sleepyhead." Lindsey chimed. I looked down the step to see Lindsey fully dressed in jeans and a red shirt, in the kitchen making breakfast. She thought that the way to get to someone's heart was through their stomachs, more specifically sweets and pastries. I could smell the banana muffins baking in the oven and I fought not to roll our eyes. With Lindsey as a mother, our kids were going to be fat as hell.

I was almost surprised by how much I loved this woman. Maybe it was because it was the morning and I wasn't fully up yet but my love for Lindsey was stronger than any emotion I was feeling at that moment.

"I'm making your favourite." Lindsey's smile lit up the room. She looked startlingly beautiful this morning, it almost made my body hurt, "Apple cinnamon pancakes."

"Alongside with banana muffins and..." I sniffed the air, "Eggs and hash browns? Thanks Martha Stewart."

Lindsey giggled and continued mixing her homemade pancakes.

I decided to take a quick shower while Lindsey got started on breakfast. Once I was done bathing, I through on some clothes and tied my short hair in a pony tail but letting my bangs fall in my face. I jogged down the stairs to the kitchen and grabbed the skillet from Lindsey, putting the pancake that she was making on the platter.

She bumped my hip then went looking for oven mitts.

I was surprised to see my mother at the dining table reading the paper and Seth watching Lindsey cook from across the counter. Observing her like she was some kind of lab rat. I was getting annoyed with his fascination with our homosexuality. I knew more than anyone else that Lindsey was, well, hot. I guess I wasn't in the position to judge people who gawked at her, I stared at Lindsey from the first time I saw her. But still, a little respect.

Right before I made the decision to snap Seth out of it, I heard his stomach growl and I understood that he wasn't observing Lindsey but her cooking. The food she was making looked delicious and I almost could see Seth's mouth watering.

Lindsey put the oven mitts on the counter and poured two glasses of orange juice. She handed one to me and the other to Seth. "Here kid, you need your vitamins. You're a growing boy." She grinned. "You don't have to stand there watching me, dude, I'll write down the recipe or something, don't worry."

Seth smiled at Lindsey and I could see in his eyes that he truly did like and accept my girlfriend. "Thanks Lindz, I really should learn to cook.

My mom scoffed but didn't look up from her paper when she said, "Morning Leah," she took a sip from her coffee and kept reading whatever interesting article had her attention.

"Sue, do you want more coffee, because I can—" Lindsey started to offer but my mother cut her off.

"Lindz, you're a guest here, you're lucky I'm even making you pour you own glass of water. I should be cooking." I felt my heart squeeze as everyone used an abbreviation to Lindsey's name. I was pretty sure that people didn't use nicknames on people they didn't adore. I felt so blissfully and utterly complete knowing that they all loved her so much—beginning to love her anyways.

Lindsey didn't stop grinning, "Yeah, but how would that benefit me? I have to make you love me, don't I?" Lindsey pulled the muffin out of the oven with her mitts on, of course, and showed them to my mother, "Does that say favourite step-daughter? I think it does." Lindsey heart faltered when she referred to herself as the step-daughter. She was too comfortable and saying things she would or would not regret.

My mother laughed and set down her paper, "Leah, you mustn't let this one go." She warned playfully.

Lindsey put down the tray of muffins and wrapped her arms around my waist. She looked up at me while she spoke to my mother, "Oh, Sue, I have nowhere else to go. Not without this one." Her eyes shone with the same love and adoration I felt radiating from my own body. She loved me too, that was clear. Did she love me as much as I loved her? Probably not. That wasn't possible, but she thought she did and that was sweet of her.

Her smile was radiant and her lips called to me. I couldn't ignore them for very long. I knew that Seth and my mom weren't used to this. In a small town like ours, it wasn't everyday that you saw two people of the same gender kiss. It wasn't even something that was shown on the TV so often. I kept myself under control and gave Lindsey a small, discrete peck on the lips. It lasted a second longer then I'd expected because Lindsey kissed me back but if they'd been watching, they shouldn't have been disturbed by the display.

"Okay, uh, hash browns!" Lindsey unwrapped herself from me and open the oven to take out the potato hash browns that looked delicious, rectangular and golden.

I helped serve breakfast with Lindsey and we all sat at our small dining table. No awkward silences opened up the meal. The first lines were moans of delight when Lindsey breakfast hit their tongues.

"Lindsey, you are a gift from God." Seth said, chowing down his third pancake. "Please, come over more often."

Lindsey laughed and ate her food like a perfect lady, "I was planning dinner too. I was thinking lasagne or, I don't know, fried rice."

"Do what your heart tells you." Seth said with his mouth full of food.

My mother didn't even frown at him like she would have under normal circumstances. She was so concentrated on eating Lindsey's food without looking like the hog she gave birth to.

Lindsey giggled, "I'll keep that in mind," she nodded.

I was so happy. It was almost overwhelming. Seth and Lindsey spoke as if they were really brother and sister—like she was part of our family. My heart squeezed. I wished my dad was here, just so that he could see Lindsey and see how happy she made me. When my father died, I wasn't a happy person. The way my father saw me was depressed over a dramatic break up. I would have done anything for Lindsey to meet my father—to see how amazing he was—he would be proud of me if he saw my new life, I knew that deep down.

"So where do you work?" My mother asked, "You and Leah both took part time jobs, right?"

Lindsey's chewing faltered for a second then she continued as if her question hadn't shaken her, "I, uh, work at a restaurant. Hooters actually." Lindsey said nonchalantly and looked at me to see if I was upset; which I wasn't. That was the truth, Lindsey was a waitress at Hooters. She made more money than I did so who cares. I was also pretty sure my mother didn't know what Hooters was.

Seth, on the other hand, nearly choked on his food and began to cough. He drank from his glass of orange juice and tried to settle down. "Huh," was all he said before snickering.

"Yeah and I study psychology at school; the human nature and the human mind. It's all very fascinating." She went on as though Seth's exclamation hadn't bothered her in the least.

"Psychology that's interesting!" my mom encouraged her to go on.

In my bedroom, I heard my cell phone ring. With a sigh, I excused myself from breakfast and went up to my room. I was mostly listening to what was going on downstairs so I didn't look at who was calling.

"Leah! It's me, it's Danielle!" she rushed, "I'm losing it! I—Please just come, I know Lindsey is over but I did something really stupid. I shouldn't have, but I did."

I was frozen with shock at Danielle's voice. I hadn't expected her phone call, let alone her phone call begging me to help her. "What did you do?"

"I...I had sex."

I froze and a part of my heart just sunk into my stomach. I was more disgusted and worried than anything else. I wasn't jealous, that I was sure of, just scared. Was I supposed to go to her? I had my own life and it was finally turning out the way I wanted it to.

But Danielle was my friend, so with a sigh I asked, "Where are you?"


	4. Chapter 20 to 29

**Chapter 21**

I went down the stairs to my laughing family. I chewed on my lip contemplating how to put this. I couldn't help feeling at tad bad, but if I listened carefully, I could hear Danielle crying two houses away. Did they really expect me to ignore that? I couldn't. If it was some random kid crying then I could easily ignore it. But I couldn't ignore Danielle. If she ever heard me crying, she would have come running.

Lindsey noticed my contemplating expression and her shoulders slouched, "What?" she grumbled.

"I...kind of have to head out for a second." I said in a rush.

Lindsey sighed in frustration.

"I'll just be a minute."

"What's wrong? Why do you have to go?" Lindsey questioned, seeming annoyed. She wasn't helping me to not feel crappy.

"It's Danielle."

"Are you—" She raised her voice in disbelief. She looked like she was about to get up but she quickly calmed herself down and took soothing breaths.

Next to her, Seth was shaking his head. It was a discrete movement, clearly meant for just me to see. If the situation wasn't borderline catastrophic, it would've been funny. Seth actually had more experience than me in something. He'd had a decent amount of girlfriends in the past couple of years. As for me, well, Lindz was my first girlfriend. Seth was trying to help me out; telling me to shut up and sit the hell down or Lindsey would gut me like a fish. But Danielle was crying.

"Lindsey, please don't be mad." I begged.

"I'm not mad." Lindsey continued eating her food. She glared at her plate violently stabbing her food before jamming it into her mouth. She reached over to my plate and took my pancake, "It'll taste like crap once it gets cold."

I opened my mouth to say something but snapped it shut. I knew that Lindsey was right to be just a little mad. I had invited her to meet my family. Now I was abandoning her for my more or less ex-girlfriend (kind of). I would've been much angrier in her place. So I decided to let her cool off and be thankful she wasn't fuming. I didn't take a jacket; I wasn't going to be outside for long. When I opened the door, I felt someone tap my shoulder.

Lindsey seemed even more annoyed from this close proximity, "Don't take forever!" she hissed in a low whisper, "And seriously, just...remember I'm here okay. Don't forget that I'm yours." Looking deep into Lindsey's eyes, I could see the vulnerability in them. Like any woman would be, she was nervous of me being with Danielle—a perfect specimen—instead of with her.

I lifted he chin, bringing her lips to mine. She kissed me back meekly, clearly not over her panic attack.

"Lindz, Danielle's my friend and she's hurt. She needs me."

"Yeah, I know, that wasn't what I wanted to hear though." She bit her lip and headed back to the dining room. "Anyone want seconds of something?"

I sighed and kicked on some shoes, then I ran through the sloppy rain to Danielle's house. Her parent's car wasn't in the driveway so I let myself in.

Her cries had gotten quieter, as if she was under control. I walked up the three steps in front of the door and turned into her room. She sat on her bed, holding a pink cushion to her chest and squeezing it tight. She looked up at me and her eyes red, her cheeks and nose were pink, white streaks of dried up tears stained her face. Danielle looked so ashamed of herself, it nearly sickened me.

I made my feet move me forward so I could sit next to her. I wanted to comfort her but she looked so pained that placing a hand on her seemed like it would cause her even more pain. I took a deep breath, and hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder. I half expected her to flinch or wince, but her expression didn't change.

"Danielle, what happened?" I asked her softly.

Her face went blank first, as if she was that psychic bloodsucker and was having a vision of some sort. She then shuttered frantically before heaving onto herself and reaching for her trash bin that to vomit violently into it.

I grimaced and shied away for her. I had just eaten and I wasn't sure if my stomach could handle the scent. Smelling it was inevitable—stupid super senses—all I could do was hope I wouldn't barf as well.

"It was so disgusting." She said, taking her face out of the trash, "It was really just awful. Letting Aaron do that to me," she trembled, "I'll never be able to look at myself in the mirror again."

She stared straight ahead. She really did look disgusted with herself. She cringed in her own skin as if she wished she could peel it off and burn it. I was having trouble understanding what she was referring to.

"Danielle, are you talking about the sex you had?" I asked unsure. She couldn't have been talking about that. I mean, I was one hundred percent lesbian and in love with my girlfriend but Aaron wasn't a bad looking guy. He was actually attractive to most women if not all. I recalled what Lindsey had said, something about it being much harder for Danielle than it was for her. Was this what she meant? Had she really seen this coming?

"Well there was a penis, and a vagina, but I could hardly call it...sex."

"Oh, God, Danielle! What did he do to you?" I grab her shoulders and forced her to look at me. This wasn't normal. Her thoughts and feelings about the sex she'd just had—the virginity she'd just lost—

I had completely forgotten that she was a virgin! That made everything more important—more urgent. Even the sensitivity and the flood of emotions that came after a girl's virginity was lost weren't this extensive. This just wasn't right unless it was more or less aggressive or even forced. I couldn't think straight. I shook Danielle slightly, "Danielle, what happened?" I demanded, not liking my own assumptions.

"I can't believe I still remember," She mumbled, "I had a lot to drink afterwards but once I sobered up and got over the hangover, it all came crashing down." She finally looked at me, "I'm breaking up with him. There's nothing else for me to do. If I stay with him, he'll find out..."

"Maybe that's best Danielle, maybe it's time to stop lying."

"No, it's him the problem, not me...right?" She asked hopefully.

My eyes narrowed a bit. She couldn't have been asking me this. There was nothing I wanted more than to make her feel better but she wasn't being fair. I couldn't tell her it was Aaron the problem. He wasn't necessarily the problem. There wasn't really a problem in the first place.

She misread my hesitation, "You're right. Aaron's hot. But I can't see it. He's gross-ish. I should be attracted to him. What's wrong with me?!" She plopped back onto her bad.

"Nothing's wrong with you. You're just not into—"

"I'm such a freak!" she shrieked into the cushion she had pressed against her face.

Her words hit me hard, nearly giving me a whiplash. Freak? That was far from what she was. Far from what I was. This was hard enough—accepting myself and my homosexuality—without her negative attitude and shame towards the subject. I took it more personally than she intended me too. What did she expect? She thought she could call me, Lindsey, Leslie and the whole gay society freaks? We were a strong people and it was people like her—the ashamed closeted homosexuals—the gay gay-bashers—that held us back. We weren't freaks. We were a strong and proud people.

I got up. I couldn't begin to describe how insulted I was, "Freak? Thanks Danielle."

Danielle grabbed my wrist and I jerked it away violently. She stared at me in shock, "Leah, that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean? Please, I'm dying to know."

She was a little baffled and looked down. She seemed speechless. That was enough for me.

"Goodbye Danielle." I left her bedroom and was about to descend the stairs when she called me and, again, grabbed my wrist. It was easy for me to jerk away from her. I didn't love her like I loved Lindsey. That became clear to me at that moment.

"What the hell, Leah!" She yelled, "What do you want me to say?! That I'm proud? That I'm happy this happened to me? Because I'm not."

"Don't you get it." I turned around, "This didn't happen to you. You're not a victim. You were born this way."

"It sure doesn't feel like it." She said, "I never ever looked at a girl before. Until you came back screaming you gayness in everybody's face. You lit up my freaking light bulb!"

"So this is my fault?!" I shouted, absolutely appalled. She was acting ridiculous. I felt the heat rising inside of me but I didn't have to concentrate very hard to not phase.

"Yes! It is! You did this to me and then you left to be with her!" she jerked her finger in the direction my house was in, "If I were with you, I'd be great, but I'm not with you. I'm alone! That's not where it ends, that's not where you stop ruining my life!"

That was a slap in the face. I winced.

"You come here! With her! And I'm thinkingHey, maybe she's going to suck. I mean, I knew she'd be pretty, but I was hopping she'd be a b**ch or something. But no she's nice and gorgeous and smart and funny. Basically Miss Perfect. And the way you look at her...kill me dead already. I just wanted to get back at you." she started to become more sober—agony replacing her fury, "I wanted you to feel a fraction of what I was feeling...but I ended up losing." He shoulders slumped and tears began running down her face.

I didn't make any movements towards her. I couldn't remember the last time we fought like this. It was probably when I had just phased and had to stay away from her. She hadn't appreciated the silent treatment. I remembered how close I was to phasing that day. How close I was to hurting her and possibly scarring her, like Emily.

"And I'm so frustrated." She went on, "I wish I could make this whole thing disappear. I wish I could love someone other than you. I wish everything could be...good—not great, just good. I wish I could find a guy that I could find just a little cute and not throw up and get drunk every time he touches me. Is that too much to ask?" She hadn't meant for me to answer her question but I did anyways.

"No, it probably isn't but life isn't like that. Life isn't the Wizard of Oz. You can't just wish for something that you had all along." I made are-quotes at the all along part, "This dream you have—the all of a sudden I'm straight dream—is stupid. You have to stop treating this like it's a curse. You know Lindsey? It's hard on her too. Her parents are major douche-bags but you know what, she deals with it. She came here and she met everyone and dealt with it. It's hard for her too, but she's not like this." I looked at her up and down, feeling disgusted as well. I turned my back on her and opened the door.

"She's not alone." She whispered.

"You wouldn't be alone either."

"You could never be there for me like you are for her." Danielle grumbled.

"I'd do everything I can. Clearly, that's not good enough for Princess Danielle." I slammed the door behind me and found myself fighting back tears. I didn't like that I was crying for her. I hoped Lindsey would notice that I was crying. The rain should cover that perfectly. I dragged my feet all the way to my house and opened the door looking at the floor.

Lindsey was sitting on the sofa watching TV. She glanced in my direction and I guess my face wasn't as composed as I wanted it to be because Lindsey got to her feet immediately and ran to me.

"Leah! Are you okay?" She grabbed my face and turned it from side to side to observe me. She expected to find a bruise of some sort. She didn't sigh in relief when she found nothing; she just forced me to look at her.

I knew that my mom and Seth were watching from behind Lindsey but I only saw her.

"Baby, please tell me." She begged.

Her words made me start crying, "I never want to see her again." I sobbed.

Lindsey gasped and wrapped her arms around my waist and hushed me, "Shhh...it's okay, you don't have to do anything you don't want to." She soothed, "You never have to see her again." She promised and part of me hoped that she could really promise that.

**Chapter 22.**

"Please come back with Leah next time." My mother begged Lindsey after hugging her tightly.

Lindsey hugged Seth as well, "You'll see me again, I promise."

It was extremely heart warming to see Seth's reluctance to let Lindsey and I drive away back to our home in Seattle.

"That was so much fun." Lindsey said as I pulled out of the driveway, "I'm really glad I came."

"Yeah," I agreed with her, glad she was taking my mind off Danielle. She made me so angry! I didn't understand why she had to act like she was the only person who had ever gone through something like this. I went through it and millions of other people around the world had gone through it. Why did she always put herself on this pedestal? Her problems were more important than everyone else's. I was so angry that I couldn't help dragging it out. All the other nice and selfless things Danielle had done for me in my life were all just a blur. Now she was just a drama queen. "Meeting the parents can be fun." I added and hoped Lindsey caught the direction I was going in.

Her sighed showed that she did, "Leah...I know you're upset about what happened with Danielle but that's not going to change what I feel with my parents."

"I understand where you coming from but at the same time, 3 months from now, your parents don't know about me, how is that supposed to make me feel?"

Lindsey chewed her lips, "I guess I understand...I mean you do exist..." Lindsey's face was thoughtful and I didn't think to bother her. I tried not to let my mind drift off back to Danielle but it was hard if I wasn't looking directly at Lindsey. I decided to listen to Lindsey's steady heartbeat and the smell of her that surrounded me.

"Okay, how about this?" Lindsey started, "We go over to my parent's house Saturday after work."

"Oh, Lindsey that sounds great!" I was already excited that Lindsey was accepting me into her family but my excitement came to an abrupt halt when I saw Lindsey sheepish expression, "But...?"

"But let's not tell them just yet." She said in a rush.

"Lindz..." I groaned.

"Then after, when I decide to tell them I'm gay I'll be like 'Remember that nice girl Leah? She's my girlfriend!'"

"Will that make a difference?" I asked, my voice hopeful. That made sense. If by some miracle her parents liked me, they would be less angry that I was the girl who would be sticking around.

"No. It won't," Lindsey admitted, "But we could try!" She chirped.

"God! You're parents suck!" I said and before I could feel bad or take it back Lindsey giggled.

"My dad isn't that bad, he's just whipped. He should've stayed with Brenda, never should have gotten with my mother."

I had forgotten that Lindsey's mother was her father's second wife. His first wife was Brenda. Lindsey said that she wished Brenda was her mother instead of Debby. She never understood why her dad would have left Brenda for her mother. It was probably to make his own parents proud by dating a black woman. She'd never heard something so stupid.

"How are your parents going to react when we tell them?"

"There's no we in this, Leah. I don't want you there when it happens."

"Lindsey, don't be ridiculous—"

"It'll be hard enough without my mom yelling at you and blaming fou for all this, which is exactly what she'll say. Disgusting b**ch." She muttered the last part under her breath.

I glanced at Lindsey and caught sight of her wiping a tear off her cheek, "What did she do to you?"

Lindsey sniffled and laughed weakly, "Nothing I could summarise in an hour and a half so let's just..." She shook her head, "I won't tell her till it's the right time; like Christmas, New Years or, I don't know, her birthday." She tried to joke.

That was the saddest thing I had ever heard. It was also confusing. Lindsey didn't care what her mother thought of her but deep down she wanted to be accepted by her, at the same time, she knew that her being gay would upset her mother and wanted to tell her at the moment where it would ruin her entire day. She wanted to spite her mother so much that she was willing to go out of her way to do it. I was so disturbed that I laughed a few breaths too late.

Lindsey's phone rang and she answered it on its second ring. She seemed excited to speak to the caller, "Hi, James! Oh my God, I was just thinking of you."

Her brother laughed, "Yeah, I feel like we haven't spoken in a really long time. I miss my little sister."

"Ran out of people to annoy?"

"Actually, no. I've just been having these...feelings in my stomach that something was wrong so I dropped by your place and no one was home than Debby called and wanted to go shopping so I didn't call till now."

"Debby never brings me shopping." She murmured to herself in realisation. She took a deep and continued, "Don't be silly James, I'm fine. I was at Leah's family's house since Friday."

"Oh, so everything's fine with you?" He checked in protectively.

"Yeah, James really, I'll be home on Saturday and we'll eat together. I'm bringing Leah." She announced and I felt a weight being removed off my shoulders. She'd announced it which meant she couldn't weasel out, hopefully.

"I have a date on Saturday. Can't you come Friday?" he complained.

"I'm pulling out my braids after work. Can't you cancel?"

"No, it's with Linda." He said the name as if her identity made a difference.

She gasped, "The loose one with the big boobs?" Lindsey guessed.

"Exactly and it's date number three, if you know what I mean."

She laughed, "Okay, be late, I won't hold it against yah."

He laughed as well, "Thanks, Lindz, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, James,"

"Ever think of moving back in? I'm sure Deb won't mind giving up her gym—"

"Deb doesn't have to give up anything." She spat, her mood making a complete one-eighty. That seemed to be a horrible cliché. Your kid moves out for college and you turn his or her room into a personal gym. That seemed a little harsh. "Love you James, but I can't live with that woman anymore."

James sighed, "She's not that bad," he defended.

"You think that because you the favourite." She rebutted.

"I'm can't be the favourite, I'm not even her biological son."

"I think that's why she loves you more." She grumbled.

"I disagree,"

"Nobody cares James."

"Lindsey, Deb loves you and I'm sure she misses you too, even though she hasn't said it in words."

"That's comforting," she said sarcastically, "Did you call to defend her James? Because I wasn't mad at her till you reminded me how much she sucks."

"You're always mad at her," he mumbled, "Oh, she just came in, do you want to talk to her?"

"Is she standing right in front of you?"

"No,"

'Then bye, James, love you. See you Saturday." She hung up the phone and sighed. She played with her phone in her hands than clutch it to her chest, "She turned my room into a personal gym." She said each word slowly, "I hate her so much." Lindsey almost looked like she was going to cry and I watched her cautiously. She just took several deep breaths and she was herself again. "So, uh, do we have carrots at home? I'll make a carrot cake. It's Debby's favourite and, um, yeah."

Lindsey looked down at her lap and she looked so young. She was already young—19 wasn't necessarily a grownup—but as she ran her finger through her hair and fought back her tears, she looked like a little girl and it broke my heart. She didn't have to admit to wanting her mother's approval for me to know that she wanted it. Her I-don't-care attitude was all an act to protect herself from getting hurt. I almost wanted her to lie to everyone. If her family finding out about me was going to jeopardize her acceptance then I didn't want it but what life could we live if she didn't tell them? Lindsey was the one who wanted to get married and have kids. Did she want it all to be a secret life? That didn't sound as alluring.

"Lindsey," I said.

"Mm-hm?" she said not looking up.

"You're not alone in this. I'll be there for you every step of the way." I offered her my hand and she took it instantly, twining her fingers with mine.

"I can't wait to get home so I can make love to you." She whispered.

My heart stuttered and I felt my face heat up, "O-okay." I uttered, my throat had swollen shut completely and I prayed there wouldn't be too much traffic.

**Chapter 23.**

Friday, the day before we were supposed to go eat over Lindsey's parent's house, Lindsey told me not to pick her up from work. She had an appointment at the hair stylist to "remove her braids" whatever that meant. So instead of driving to Hooters, I just went home and caught up on some studying.

The week had been a bit stressful. I was trying to cut Danielle out of my life completely which was hard since she kept calling. I'd been dodging her phone calls for the past week. I didn't like Danielle anymore. I didn't want to have her be a part of my life. She was too much drama for me to handle. I had my own problems.

I was sitting on the sofa with my nose stuck in a big book when I heard Lindsey's familiar footsteps approaching the door. I got up and opened it for her. She had set several bags on the ground and started searching for her keys. She looked up at me and smiled breathtakingly.

I gasped at her new hair. Lindsey's hair was black and very shinny. Her hair was shorter without the extensions, just reaching her shoulder, but it was very full and she looked even more gorgeous if that was even possible. The new bang the hung from her forehead made her look like a runway model.

"Wow, Lindz, your hair!" I reached to touch it but then thought better of it. I didn't want to mess it up so soon.

Lindsey smiled and looked like she was going to blush, "Yeah, thanks." She giggled and turned around to pick up the several plastic bags by her side.

I frowned and helped her by taking them all from her. If she wanted to go grocery shopping she could've called. It must have sucked to lug around all those bags while riding in a public bus.

Lindsey and I had leftovers for dinner and we studied in silence for the rest of the night. We were both obsessed with having perfect grades. We were pretty much a tie in who was more motivated. I registered for this scholarship and wanted to prove myself worthy of it. I was pretty old for just starting in college. As for Lindsey, it wasn't common for cheerleaders to get scholarships in anyone's book. Football players, start athletes, but not cheerleaders. She ceased to amaze me.

The next day I went to my classes and work after school, driving Lindsey to Hooters before heading off to GAP. I got to work earlier than I expected so decided to buy some jeans for me and Lindz since I got an employee discount and all. I figured I'd wear them at Lindsey's parent's house tonight. I wasn't nervous yet though I was sure I would be later. Lindsey's parents seemed so complicated and hard to please. I mean if their scholarship daughter was the least favourite then these people must have had pretty high standards.

I was kind of nervous about the lying part though. We weren't going to be upfront about what we were to each other and that seemed wrong to me. I felt as though it would cause less confrontation if we just went out and tell them I was more than just a roommate. But Lindsey wanted us to take it slow with them.

Lindsey told me to get dressed before picking her up from work. Apparently her parent's house was near there which was one of the reasons she took the job. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to dress. I didn't like wearing dresses unless it was really necessary. I thought I'd just be myself as corny as it sounded. If Lindsey's parents were going to hate me I wanted them to hate the real me. I was used to that.

I threw on my new jeans from GAP and I white shirt that marked me as feminine. I thought this outfit was me. I drove to Hooters to pick up Lindsey.

She was already fully dressed to go out. Her outfit made me feel underdressed. She wore a navy blue dress, leggings and, of course, heals—that couldn't be good for her ankles. Her lips shone with lip gloss and she wore silver and blue eye shadow, making her look absolutely amazing. I felt insignificant next to her.

"Oh, crap! That's what you're wearing?" Lindsey said.

My shoulders slumped when she confirm my worries, "Should I change?" I asked reluctantly. I didn't understand how some girls could change their outfits five times a day. Two was more than enough for me and I really didn't feel like fishing for a third outfit for the day.

"No, no, it's fine," she sighed, "You could wear a garbage bag if you want, my mom'll like you more than she likes me." She grumbled under her breath and her head snapped up when she realized she said it out loud, "You're always pretty, Leah." She said to me.

I looked at her worriedly, "Lindsey...I'm sure that's not true," I said taking her hand.

"Oh, Leah, don't worry about me. It's my family, I'm not nervous at all!" She lied. It was obvious that she was a tad nervous. I didn't understand why though. We weren't telling them anything. It wouldn't be any different from when she brought some of her high school friend's home to study and they stumbled upon her parents. As far as her parents were concerned, I was just a friend. That bothered me a little but I had to give Lindsey credit for what she did do. We hadn't been to the bar in a few weeks but Leslie knew that we were together, Lindsey's friends at school sort of knew—they had to assume something was up—Lindsey was trying her best. I couldn't help but compare her to Danielle who was probably looking for another boyfriend so nobody would suspect her deep, dark, shameful secret. I used to feel bad for Danielle but now her actions irritated me.

"Okay..." I said and started the car and drove onto the highway, "How was your day?" I asked trying to distract Lindsey. It probably would've added to her stress if she sweated off her make-up.

"It's was good...I told the girls at work today."

I instantly knew what she was talking about and I felt so proud of her at that moment, "Lindsey! That's great! I'm really happy for you. How did they react?" I didn't hide my excitement for her to go on. Since she hadn't announced it more glumly, I figured it went pretty well.

"They were surprised but other than that; they didn't care." She giggled, "Elli said she already knew."

I laughed, "Really?" That sounded unlikely. This Elli must have been really observant if she knew Lindsey was gay before Lindsey knew it herself.

"No, Elli's a smartass." She giggled hard, like a little girl. I wasn't sure what was so funny but Lindsey laughed until her eyes were tearing and she was gasping for air. I perhaps should have worried if she was having an anxiety attack but she seemed so happy and bubbly that I didn't even ask her if she was okay. I couldn't help laughing at her. It wasn't a mocking laughter, she was just so cute and her laugh made me feel good.

Her laughter didn't come to a halt when I stopped at the cute brick house that was sandwiched between two other, identical houses. I had only been here once before but I remember the address still.

Lindsey stepped out onto the sidewalk and waited for me to follow her. She wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tight, "It doesn't matter what happens in there, okay?" she assured and kissed me, "Oops, I forgot the cake!" she went back to my car and brought a plastic bag to the green front door. She had a key in her hand and unlocked the door. "Hello!" Lindsey called and I walked into the house behind her.

The place hadn't changed at all in the last several months. The walls were still painted the same dark red, the painting of the woman and her child still hung over a small decorative table. Of course the stairs hadn't moved from the front of the house.

I had an extreme case of déjà-vu when Lindsey's brother strode down the stairs. Unlike the last, he was fully clothed with a light blue button down shirt. Good looks ran in Lindsey's family because James was a very handsome man, closer to my age than Lindsey was. He jumped down the last three steps and pulled his little sister into an uncomfortable looking bear hug. Her face was perfectly situated under his armpit. Whether he did it on purpose or not, it was kind of funny.

Lindsey's arms flailed behind her brother as if she was suffocating. She shoved hard against his chest and he let her go.

"Ew, thanks for the armpit." Lindsey wiped her nose in disgust, "AXE, much." She commented and I smiled at how at ease she was around her brother. He did smell like AXE though. It wasn't bad, of course I preferred softer scents—women perfume. "Yo, I thought you had a date with Linda." She the name with a lot of suggestiveness in it and waggled her eyebrows.

James grinned, "I did. Ever heard of a quickie?"

Lindsey burst into laughter and shoved her brother's shoulder causing him to stumble a bit and laugh as well, "Dude! You're freaking awesome!"

Watching Lindsey with her brother was very entertaining. She never acted like this with me. When she was with her brother, she actually looked like a...a lesbian. I snickered to myself.

They both looked at me as though they'd forgotten I was here. Neither of them seemed embarrassed of their inappropriate display to have in front of a guest. They both had the same level of delight on their faces when they remembered my existence.

"James, you remember Leah." Lindsey gestured to me, slowly transitioning back to her lady-like self.

"Of course," James and I shook hands, "Good evening, Leah," James' smile was warm and welcoming. I returned it as well as I could.

"Hi James."

"You bastard!" Lindsey shouted, "You didn't even notice my new hair." Lindsey played with her hair flirtatiously causing James to roll his eye.

"I did notice; I didn't care." James replied.

Lindsey frowned and punched him hard in the shoulder.

"Lindsey, that's not at all lady like." A woman's voice noted. The voice was soft and sounded so classy, like the voice a queen or a president's wife might have. That's how I recognized the voice, the fact that it sounded a little better than everyone else.

We all turned simultaneously to the right face the opening to what I presumed was the dining room. The woman that stood there was beautiful for her age which was obviously in her fifties—she looked much younger than that. Her thick black hair was huge around her small round head. It appeared to have a silky texture, softer than Lindsey's. The woman didn't have wrinkles though she looked like she should have. She was obviously one of those people that used Botox. It didn't look bad though, she wasn't one of those people that used too much Botox and looked like they couldn't frown to save their life. Looking at her, she seemed like a nice woman. I, personally, couldn't hate her by only looking at her because she looked so much like Lindsey. Her eyes were just as dark as Lindsey's.

She wore a blood red dress that matched her blood red lips. She had on a pearl necklace and earring. Her smile was welcoming but not nearly as warm as her step son's smile was, "Lindsey, don't you say hi to your own mother."

**Chapter 24.**

Lindsey's lips twitched hesitantly before stretching into a huge grin, "Hey mom!" she walked over to her and stopped a yard away, taking both her hands in hers.

Lindsey's mom smiled and looked at her daughter. From where I stood, they looked like a perfectly normal mother and daughter. I thought it was weird that they hadn't hugged but who was I to judge their relationship. It was hard to believe that Lindsey loathed the woman she was smiling at. Lindsey's mother's smile wasn't as loving as I thought it would be since it had been weeks since she'd seen her daughter but it wasn't a sneer like Lindsey often described it.

"Mom, I want you to meet my roommate." Lindsey dropped her mother's hands and skipped over to me to take mine. She smiled reassuringly at me and I followed her to her mother, "Mother, this is Leah Clearwater."

I tried to make myself smile but my heart was pounding on the inside of my chest. Looking at this woman and the perfection she knew she was, I was positive that she was going to hate me.

"Hi Misses Craig," I smiled and kept my hands at my sides. She hadn't even hugged Lindsey so I assumed she wasn't one for physical affection. I wasn't going to complain about that. I didn't love hugging strangers either.

"Leah Clearwater." She repeated my name. I couldn't describe her tone but I guess I could say it was condescending. "I've heard absolutely nothing about you."

"That's funny because I've heard so much about you." I replied. I hadn't meant for that to slip and I bit my tongue instantly. I saw a twitch in Lindsey's mother's eyebrows but her face kept completely composed. Her poker face was better than Lindsey's; it was easy to see where she'd gotten the talent.

"Well, I guess that kills one half of our discussions."

Lindsey laughed at her mother's unfunny joke, "Okay, well, Lee, come meet daddy." She grabbed my wrist and pulled me past her mother. We entered a dining room, the walls were red here too and the ceiling was high. In the center on the ceiling was a big, expensive looking chandelier made out of crystals. The rainbow coloured shimmer made me squint my eyes. In the center of the dining room—just below the chandelier—was the large, oval dining table. The dark wood went beautifully with the red wall.

We kept walking straight ahead into the kitchen that was, shockingly, white. The island in the middle of the room was a cream colour. The delicious scent of well baked chicken filled the air in this room. I smelt the brochettes with various meats—chicken, steak, pork, shrimp—all mixed with grilled vegetables.

"Daddy!" Lindsey cried and let go of my hand.

The man that had his back turned to us spun away from the dishes he was doing and his face lit up when he saw Lindsey who ran to him and threw her arms around his waist. Lindsey's dad smiled but hesitated to hug her back with his wet, soapy hand.

"Linny, baby, I've missed you so much." The grin on his face was huge and Lindsey let him go. He turned around to pick up a towel and wiped his hands. His accent was unlike anything I'd ever heard before. It sounded a bit French, then I remembered that her father was the Haitian one, that explained his accent.

Lindsey waited impatiently for his attention to get back to her.

He said something enthusiastically in a language I didn't recognize. I was surprised when Lindsey replied in the same language, one I had no idea even existed.

"English in the house please," Lindsey's mother interrupted, entering the kitchen, "Especially when we have guests. It's rude."

Lindsey bit her lip and gave her dad a sad look before shaking her head clear, "Daddy, you haven't met Leah," she took her father's hand and pulled him towards me. She seemed more excited to introduce me to him than she was to her mother. It was visually obvious. "Daddy, Leah—Leah, daddy. I mean John."

I looked at Lindsey questioningly. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to call him John or Mister Craig. Lindsey's mother hadn't objected to me calling her Misses Craig...

Lindsey nodded eagerly and I smiled, bringing my eyes back to her father. "It's a pleasure to meet you John,"

"Leah, it is nice to meet you. James told me you were pretty but I am still surprised." He took my hand and lightly kissed it. It was a polite gesture and I couldn't help smiling at this nice man.

"I heard you were a pleasure to be around. You don't disappoint."

He laughed and squeezed my hand before releasing it, "Please, sit down, I'll serve you. Sit." He ordered.

"Oh, daddy," Lindsey rolled her eyes and pulled me towards the dining room. She passed her mother, ignoring her presence. "God, she sucks," she muttered and pulled out a chair for me.

I sat on the red cushioned chair—it was so comfortable.

Lindsey sat at my right and held my hand under the table, "Isn't daddy the greatest?" she said.

"Your father's really nice."

"And my mom is horrid." She mumbled.

"She doesn't seem so bad..."

Lindsey scoffed quietly, "The night is young." She promised.

James sat next to Lindsey, "Please be nice," he begged, "Debs hasn't even said anything mean yet." He defended.

"She told me and daddy to stop speaking Creole. She's just jealous."

"Well, yeah, she and dad have been married for 20 years and she still can't speak his mother tongue."

"That's no excuse."

"Lindsey, be nice," James and I both sighed at the same time.

Lindsey pouted causing James to laugh at her. I wanted kiss the wrinkle between her eyebrows so she'd relax her face and honour the whole room with her smile again but I knew that friends didn't do that to each other and to everyone here; Lindsey and I were friends. It kind of felt like I was taking a step back. I constantly had to remind myself that this was us moving forward. I was meeting her parents.

Lindsey's mom, Debby, took a seat at the head of the table while John came in with several plates in his hands. He held two in his hands and two were balancing on his forearms. He reminded me of a waiter at a restaurant. I wondered why Lindsey's mother was just watching him lugging all those plates and several saucers were on the counter destined to be brought onto the table.

I was about to offer my help when Lindsey got up and took two plates from him. She placed them in front of me and her brother. On the plate was the brochettes, chopped potatoes, baked chicken...my mouth watered.

"Lindsey, you're sort of a guest here. You shouldn't be helping with the serving." He mother protested but didn't get up to help.

"Somebody has to help," Lindz muttered under her breath.

"Pardon?"

"I'm a waitress, mother. I don't mind."

"Oh, yeah, you work at that restaurant Hookers." Her mother recalled.

My jaw dropped.

"Hooters, mom," Lindsey corrected.

"Same thing."

I glared at Debby and understood that she most definitely wasn't nice. I clenched my hands into fist to stop them from quivering. The beast in me was building up. It was hard to stop being a werewolf. It felt against my nature to stay in human form for so long. Phasing would have been a relief. Not at that moment, but any moment. I wanted to find a forest where I could strip down and let the heat fill me then explode into the monster I once hated.

"Debs, no..." James whispered to her alone.

I looked at Lindsey who was frozen in shock for a nanosecond before blinking hard and picking up the saucer with the chicken. She sat between James and I, taking her napkin and spreading it on her lap. The sadness was evident to me in her face and I wanted so badly to take her hand again but James was watching her hands as well.

Lindsey's mom started eating her boneless chicken with a knife and fork. Again, I saw where Lindsey had learnt her proper etiquette from.

John took his seat at the other head of the table, closest to James, "Leah, eat, don't be shy. Eat like a pig if you must." He pushed.

Lindsey laughed, "Daddy, she hasn't even looked at her plate yet." She giggled.

I smiled, happy that Lindsey's dad picked her up before I had to, and ate my chicken breast. My eyes widened in surprise. It was clear where Lindsey learned her cooking from because it was definitely not from her mother. From where I was standing, Lindsey's mom was lazy. "John, this is really good." I worshipped.

John beamed and ate.

Dinner at Lindsey's house was nothing like a meal at mine, or even at our home. It was very quiet. No one spoke a word. The only sound was the utensils scratching against the plates. The silence wasn't the kind of silence that I'd had at my house—the food being so delicious that no one spoke in fear of losing the food—it was just a boring silence. Not awkward, just boring.

"Why did you cut your hair?" Lindsey's mom asked several minutes into the meal.

"I didn't really cut it, mother. Those were extensions before." Lindsey replied after swallowing.

"Huh. You shouldn't wear a href=.com/cgi/set?id=13414001that dress/a anymore, it makes you look pregnant."

"It's a style mom and I disagree with the pregnant thing."

Her mother huffed. This woman had a serious problem. Was she not loved enough as a child because she was being a royal b**ch.

"So, Leah," Lindsey's dad's thick accent caught my attention, making me pull my glare away from her mother, "What do you study at the university?" he seemed genuinely curious and it would've felt wrong to disrespect this man so I answered.

"I study biology and animal science."

"Leah's going to be a big animal doctor. Like doctor Dolittle." She chirped.

"That's hardly a profession." Her mother muttered.

"It is too!" Lindsey almost yelled.

James and I both stared at Lindsey in surprise. I'd only seen the couple of rude things her mother Lindsey but James had seen them for years. He seemed as surprised as I was to see Lindsey raise her voice to Debby. I guessed it was rarer than I thought. We found Lindsey's burning point. Debby could be nasty to Lindsey all she wanted but, for her own safety, she should stay the hell away from me.

In my chest, my heart squeezed.

**Chapter 25.**

That night ended better than I thought it would. Lindsey didn't kill any one, that was great. I didn't explode into a giant wolf and kill someone, that was always the cherry on top of a Friday night. Lindsey's mom had even given me a hug, which surprised me. She hadn't given Lindsey a hug, which really surprised me.

Lindsey squeezed both the men and refused to let them go till her mother said it was inappropriate.

We walked to our car and I felt huge accomplishment. Now I was a family friend and in a week or two—a month max—I'd be Lindsey's girlfriend and hated by all! It didn't sound bad at all. As long as they knew, I didn't care if they liked me or not. I doubted Lindsey's dad was capable of hatred and James seemed like more of a guy that would applaud a lesbian couple instead of shun them. Lindsey's mom on the other hand...she'd be harder to get to.

I opened Lindsey's door for her and she stepped in. I walked to the driver's side and started the car.

Lindsey pulled her hair over her shoulder, covering most of her face. I looked at her in confusion. She stared straight ahead, chewing a piece of gum she'd gotten from her brother. She chewed with her mouth snapping open, which was out of character for her; she never chewed with her mouth open. It was then that I noticed that she wasn't talking to me. Purposely.

I was shocked at first. I tried to think back at something I might have said or done to offend her but came up blank. So I tried thinking of things I hadn't said or done and came up blank. I sighed internally. This was definitely the down side of dating woman. They were so complicated. One second they were happy, the next second they were pissed. I knew that once I asked Lindsey what was bothering her she'd say Nothing/i . I asked her anyways.

"Lindsey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she answered. That was close enough.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"You should start driving or they're going to think something's wrongs."

I sighed and started to the car. My mind drifted to other things—normal things. Exams were coming up, and then it would be the holydays. Were we spending Christmas with my family or with hers? We would probably spend Christmas separately. I remembered that Lindsey might be the outcast of her family by then if she told them when she was supposed to. Just like that, I went from normal thoughts, to confusing, frustrating, lesbian life thoughts. I hoped that one day, I wouldn't have to worry about who did and didn't know, that I could just go through the day without fearing to embarrass someone. I sighed again.

"She's up to something Lee." Lindsey said once I was on the highway. "She can see that we're close and she just...She can't handle it." Her hand balled into fist at her side.

"What are you talking about?"

"She hugged you. She's trying to make me jealous."

I looked at her from the corner of my eye and she wore a hard mask. Her expression was almost angry.

"It's not going to work though." I said, "She can't tear us apart...Right?" I added when Lindsey didn't say anything.

"Yeah," Lindsey nodded and wiped a tear from her cheek, "I so don't care what she thinks." She flipped her hair and pulled down the mirror to fix her hair.

We were quiet for a while. We were both kind of tired. It was late and tomorrow we had work and studying to do. Sometimes I wished I could quit my job. I really hated working. Sometimes I just wanted to sit home.

"What do you want for Jesus' birthday?" Lindsey asked in hopes to lightening my mood.

"You first," I grinned. I didn't know what I wanted; maybe if I heard her idea I'd know what I wanted.

"Um...a guinea pig!" she said after a short hesitation.

A gust of laughter bursted through my lungs. She couldn't have been serious, "Pet's aren't even aloud in the building."

"It feels good to be bad." She giggled.

"No pets—ugh—especially not rodents."

"What do you want for Christmas?" she prodded.

I thought hard. What was the one thing I wanted most in this world? I had already gotten Lindsey, I couldn't imagine anything better. I didn't have to dig deep to find what I wanted, "We'd be together for around three months by then. I want them to know."

Lindsey heart stuttered uneasily and her voice was shaky when she finally spoke, "Anything."

"Really?" I said surprised. I was prepared for an argument that I was going to lose no matter how much I complained.

"Yeah, I promise that by Christmas...they'll know." She swallowed hard before finishing her sentence.

"Woh! Don't make promises you can't keep Lindz." I laughed and Lindsey took my hand, her face was serious.

"Leah, I promise." She said fiercely. "As long as I have you, I can make it through anything."

My heart squeezed at what she said even though I knew Lindsey too much to know that wasn't exactly true. Lindsey was so young and she couldn't honestly see our world that way. I didn't want her to know the doubt I felt for her last statement so I concentrated on not crashing the car.

Lindsey was dead tired when we got home. She rushed through getting herself clean and plopped onto her own bed. I couldn't help feeling a tiny sting from that. She usually slept with me in my bed. Debby was getting to her. That wasn't even fair! I didn't even like the hug! Women were impossible sometimes.

I just sat on the sofa and turned on the TV. I surfed through the channels five times before giving up and deciding there was nothing good on.

It was then that my phone vibrated in my pocket. I answered right away, not liking the tickling sensation it gave me in my hands, "Hey Seth,"

"Hey Leah..."

I frowned. Of course he couldn't just be calling to ask me how my day was. He had something urgent to tell me. Well, that was so nice of him. "What now?" I thought there might be some wolf duty that would have to be done. It couldn't have been that though. There were so many wolves in La Push these days.

Seth laughed nervously, "Hey, Leah, have you spoken to Danielle lately?"

"Ugh! God no. Finally, she stopped calling."

"Leah, things are getting really bad with her. Now she's—"

"Seth, I don't care. I'm done with her. She's not my problem anymore."

"But Leah, she's...she's an alcoholic now."

"Well—" I froze. I didn't want to let it bother me. I wanted to be rid of Danielle. But hearing that she was an alcoholic hit me hard and for a second I couldn't speak. "What am I supposed to do?" I asked harshly, fighting back tears. I hated that I still worried for her.

"I—I don't know...I just thought you should—" Seth stuttered nervously.

"This is just Danielle being her mellow dramatic self, Seth. Don't pay her any mind."

"It's kind of hard when she—"

"I don't care anymore, Seth! If it has anything to do with her; I don't care." I hissed and hung up the phone. Why couldn't Danielle just be a normal person and let everything go? She knew that she was doing this to me every time I heard of her but she kept doing all these things. She was so selfish! Why couldn't she just leave me alone?!

I couldn't breathe. My hands trembled and I tried to stifle my sobs with my shaking hands. I felt my heat rising to the point of discomfort. I tried to remember the last time I was this emotional. I couldn't stay human. I wasn't strong enough to do it.

I hadn't phased in months and it was hard to stay this way—to stay human. Harder than I'd thought it would be. It was so uncomfortable and painful. There was no way to describe this level of discomfort. It was like...not coughing when you desperately needed to because you'd just...chocked on hot sauce. That was a terrible analogy and my mind babble didn't help me regain control, it just made me more frustrated.

I curled up into a small ball and couldn't stop my body's quivering. The heat built up inside of me and I could almost feel myself giving in. Why was I putting myself through this? So what if I phased? I could just step outside and rip through my clothing. It would feel so good!

I knew that once I'd phase, I'd run home, to La Push. I would nurse Danielle back to health. Whatever was wrong with her, I'd fix it.

It angered me that that was the first place I'd go. Another shutter rippled through me.

"Leah!" Lindsey cried.

I hadn't noticed how hysterical my sobbing had gotten. Lindsey must have called me five times. I hadn't heard her because I was worrying about Danielle. She was complicating my life!

Another shutter.

"Leah!" Lindsey screamed and she dropped to her knees next to the sofa. I had my back turned towards her. That was probably best. She shouldn't see the agony that was etched onto my face. Both the physical and the emotional—they piled on top of each other.

"Leah! Oh God, Leah!" Lindsey sobbed and tried to straighten me out of my ball.

She was so close to me. I couldn't risk hurting her. The shaking stopped instantly, as if I'd hadn't been shaking in the first place.

I gasped through the pain and sat up. My face felt so hot, I was sure I was pink now.

Lindsey forced my chin up and held my face securely between her hands, examining me through the tears in her beautiful eyes. "Leah, are you well?" her voice cracked with worry.

She was so beautiful it took me a second to find coherent words, "I'm fine."

"What was that?" She asked horrified.

"It was—" I cut myself short. I didn't know how to respond. She wouldn't believe the wolf thing and I didn't want to talk about Danielle. I wanted to forget about her. "I'm fine...just come here please." I patted the sofa. My throat tightened and Lindsey saw that I was on the verge of crying.

Her expression was shocked when she obeyed and sat next to me.

I rested my head on her lap and began to sob. Lindsey patted my head without saying a word. I sobbed in my imprints lap for a long time. It made me feel horrible. I was crying about another woman and Lindsey's patients and understanding made me notice even more that I didn't deserve her.

"Leah?" Lindsey whispered when my hiccups stopped.

I cleared my throat, "Yeah,"

"If I ask you a question...will you be completely honest with me?" She asked unsure, "It's kind of stupid...but I have to ask."

I sat up to look at her. Her face was sad, "Of course," I answered automatically. I ignored the pounding in my chest and gave her my undivided attention. I was already trying to think of ways to pay her back. Maybe a brown guinea pig...

"You've said it a million times...but I always think you're joking..." she took both my hands, "Leah...Are you a werewolf? Wait!" she rushed when I opened my mouth, "Whatever you say, I'll believe you, so no jokes...Are you?" She squeezed her eyes shut as if she was a waiting for me to slap her.

I didn't answer right away. I couldn't believe that she was actually going to believeme if I confirmed it. Oddly, the possibility of lying crossed my mind. What if Lindsey didn't know? Our life would stay the same. The perfection wouldn't alter. Why would I want her to know that I was a monster?

I sighed, I had to tell her. I made the decision quicker than I wanted to because Lindsey wasn't breathing. "Yeah, I'm a werewolf."

Lindsey exhaled and nodded quickly, "Okay...I believe you." She looked at me and smiled sheepishly.

"You believe me?" I asked incredulously. I'd told her dozens of times that I was a wolf and now, all of a sudden, I say four words and she believed me? That didn't seem correct.

"Yeah," she nodded, "I should've believed you from the beginning. I'm sorry."

"Why? Why now?"

She laughed nervously, "Well, you were shaking like crazy, that's not exactly normal..." she trailed off and her smile faded at my curious glare, "I—I saw something...a long time ago." She swallowed hard, "I guess that was when I knew the world wasn't the way we thought it was." She whispered.

"W-what do you mean?"

She swallowed hard, "Vampires." She uttered.

**Chapter 26.**

I was speechless for several seconds. Had she just said vampires? That couldn't have been right. I refused to believe what she was telling me. I didn't know the rest of her story but my thoughts ran wild. Did she know vampires? Had she met vampires? There were so many options it made my head spin but the most important was that she knew vampires existed. At least she thought she did.

"Vampires?" I repeated.

Lindsey giggled and looked down as if she was blushing, "I know, it's silly. Forget I said anything."

"No!" I objected, panicked she wouldn't go on. I was too worried to be left in the dark—too curious not to know.

Lindsey chewed on her lip, "Did you read in the paper a few years ago; there was this gang that was going on this awful killing spree in Seattle? My friend actually lost her parents because of it..."

My heart stuttered at the memory. I remembered that. Death toll on the rise, police fear gang activity was printed in big bold letters followed by the story of the killings and a list of dead civilians. There was no specific age group that was being murdered, just random people in Seattle. I couldn't help realizing that Lindsey lived in Seattle and that she could've been killed as well because I knew very much that it wasn't no sticking Gang Activity that was causing all the hubbub.

"Yeah...I remember,"

"Well, Leah, I'm pretty sure that it wasn't a gang...I think it was vampires." She whispered.

"W-why would you think that?" I was feeling light headed, afraid to hear her story. I didn't want to know how close Lindsey had gotten to death. How close I had gotten to never meeting her. It made my chest hurt.

"I was walking down...I can't remember the street, sorry, I try to block it out as much as I can."

I nodded so she'd know it was fine and go on.

"I was alone; getting back home from cheerleading practice. It was fall time so it was already dark at the early time that it was. There was a man walking in front of me—yards away but I could see him—then out of nowhere someone—no, something fell from the sky. I froze where I was—I'd just seen someone fall from the sky, I was surprised. Anyways, the girl stopped right in front of the man so he stopped. Like I told you, it was dark but I was still able to see them—"

"See what?" I cut her off, unintentionally. I was sitting at the edge of my seat and she was killing me with her slow talking.

Her eyes were full of terror, "Her eyes." She said, "They were...glowing. They weren't bright but I could still see them. That caused me to take a step back. It all happened so fast. She was tiny—like a kid—pounds lighter than the guy but she pounced on him...and he screamed. Her teeth were sparkling white. I heard her hiss before she..." Lindsey swallowed hard, "Bit him."

"Oh my God."

"I ran away. I was too naive and young to try to save him. I thought I was dead, that she'd try to find me too. She didn't. I ran back to school and had someone pick me up."

"D-did you tell anyone?"

Lindsey didn't answer right away. Her expression was pained now, "I told my mother."

I grimaced, "That must have went well." I muttered.

"Yeah," Lindsey nodded and looked down. "I had to beg not to be sent to therapy, but I know what I saw." She said fiercely.

"I believe you!" I assured her, "Lindsey, I know you're telling the truth." I took her hand and kissed it.

Lindsey looked completely chocked. She blinked hard to clear her vision. She couldn't believe her ears. She'd perhaps never heard anyone tell her that. I couldn't imagine how she must have felt; telling everyone it was blood suckers killing the people instead of gang members.

"You..."

"I believe you." I repeated, "We took care of it. Me and my brothers, we fought the vampires, we killed them all. It was kind of fun, like a war with mythical creatures." I grinned back at the memory. All those blood thirsty vampires were taken by surprise by our bigger, better group. Thinking back at that scary but fun memory, I wondered why the hell I was giving up the wolf life.

"Are you f**king with me? That's not funny and so not true." Lindsey said.

"Lindsey, I'm not...f**king with you." I grimaced. I didn't like cursing in front of her. I felt like she deserved more respect than that, "All that really did happen. With me Lindz, you're safe from everything."

"You're really a werewolf aren't you? And you know about the vampires...you've met them." She summarized everything in a mutter. She swallowed hard before looking at me. She surprised me by jumping on me and kissing me urgently. She grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me closer. Both our hearts raced like we were running a marathon, "This is amazing. You're amazing!" she breathed against my lips.

I lay down and wrapped my arms around her. I'd forgotten everything we were talking about. I'd even forgotten we weren't on my bed. When I rolled over, we both fell right onto the floor.

"Ow!" Lindsey laughed and I rolled off of her laughing too, "Okay, it's late, we should go to sleep."

I gasped for air, "I'm not tired. If anything, I'm wide awake." I rolled over and grabbed her face, kissing her as passionately as I could while still breathless.

Lindsey giggled, "I really am tired. How about tomorrow?"

I groaned. I wanted her niw

"Sorry, I want to—I do!—I just can't." She apologized and got up. She offered me her hand.

"No, I'm good. I'm just...going to sulk for a bit."

Lindsey rolled her eyes and skipped to my room, I hadn't noticed how she looked in her tank and short shorts. I groaned again.

Lindsey popped her head out of my bedroom, "What was upsetting you before?" She asked curiously.

I sat up and sighed. I wasn't in the mood to lie to her, "My brother called; Danielle's an alcoholic now." I said in a bored voice, I didn't want Lindsey to hear how much the fact hurt me but I had a feeling she already knew.

"You don't want to talk about it?" She guessed.

"You read me like a book, baby."

Lindsey's smile was concerned and she went back into my room just to come back out five seconds later, "Seth's a werewolf, isn't he?" I just nodded, "And Jacob?"

"He's the alpha."

"Huh..." she nodded, "Rachael?"

"No."

She hesitated, "D-Danielle?" she stuttered.

"I'm the only girl."

Lindsey couldn't hide her relief from me, "That makes you the queen then."

I grinned, "I guess so."

"Goodnight babe, I love you."

"You're my reason to live Lindz."

"I'm your imprint." She recalled and went into my room, turning off the lights and crawling into my bed.

I couldn't possibly fight the smile that spread across my face. I was beyond happy. The whole Danielle thing was now the last thing on my mind because Lindsey knew. That felt so good. There were no secrets between Lindsey and I now and it felt nice. I wondered how much her knowing would change our lives.

The next morning, I watched Lindsey sleep. She was so peaceful and beautiful in every single way. I wasn't able to keep my hands to myself so I lightly brushed her cheek causing her eyes to flutter open.

She didn't say anything and she didn't have to. The love and adoration was clear in her eyes. I gazed into her dark brown eyes that always made my heart melt and thanked God that she was mine. Lindsey was the best thing that ever happened to me and I was so excited for us to start our life together. How would our life together begin though? I figured it would be after her parents knew. It seemed like every time we got one problem out of our way—Max—it would be replaced by another problem—Lindsey's folks.

"I have to pee." Lindsey grimaced, embarrassed to have ruined the moment.

I laughed. She was so cute. I couldn't ever be mad at her. I couldn't think of one thing she could do to make me angry. Lindsey was perfect.

Lindsey scampered to the bathroom and I started up on some breakfast. While the eggs fried in the pan, I started reading my bio text book. I held my book in one hand and scrambled the eggs with a spatula in my other hand.

"So a werewolf, huh?" Lindsey snuck up behind me and took my book out of my hands. "That's fascinating," She closed the book, "You can't just leave me in the dark with all this." She grinned.

"We'll talk about it over breakfast." I arranged kissing her soft lips and taking my book from her.

"The holidays are coming up." Lindsey said hopping onto the counter near the sink. "What are you going to do?"

"I haven't really thought of that yet. I thought we'd just, I don't know, spend it together..." I glanced at a tense looking Lindsey. She was chewing on her bottom lip and smiled sheepishly when she found me looking at her, "What are we doing for the holydays?" I asked. She'd clearly already made plans for the long break we'd be having.

"I want get a tree today—something small. We have a spear tree at my house; I forgot to pick it up. I was thinking we'd spend Christmas Eve together and then I'd spend Christmas morning with my family. You can go down to La Push for a few days. I'm going shopping on Boxing Day with Leslie, I'll ask daddy for shopping money."

I was kind of upset about the part that excluded us spending Christmas together, as a couple, but I didn't want to disagree with her. I put the eggs on a plate before they could burn.

"Oh, Lee, don't be like that." She begged, hopped off the counter and spun me around to kiss my pouting lip. "We'll have Christmas Eve, and it's just a few days..." Lindsey swallowed hard, "That's the imprint, isn't it? The fact that not seeing you for five days hurts so badly?"

"Five days?!" she caught me off guard with the length of her absence. Five days? There was no way I was going through with that. I doubted I was even able to go that long without seeing her. Five days. That was way too long.

Lindsey rubbed my cheek and hushed me soothingly, "It's okay, it's okay, and Christmas is far away. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." She kissed me again and I melted. She knew the exact things to say to me. It wasn't hard to remember that today was a happy day. We were getting a tree, Lindsey knew I was a wolf and Christmas was far away.

**Chapter 27**

I woke up with Lindsey parched on my chest. I was surprised to find her already awake and looking at me with a huge grin. A few seconds after looking at her face, I concluded that the smile was creepy.

"What?" I asked, feeling self-conscious.

Lindsey made a little squeaking sound, "It's Christmas!" She jumped over me and almost fell off that bed if I hadn't caught her. Her ankle was knotted up in the sheets. She giggled and slither out of bed.

She was only wearing an old t-shirt which she pulled over her head to reveal her perfect, naked body.

I sat up, liking the beginning of this Christmas Eve but instead of hopping back in bed, she picked up her real pyjamas from off the ground and put those on instead.

"Leah," she pouted when I didn't get up right away, "Presents." She whined like a baby.

I laughed. This was surprising. Last night Lindsey was a real woman and now she was a kid excited on Christmas—well, Christmas Eve—morning. "Okay, okay, presents." I picked up some sweatpants from off the floor. Lindsey ran out of the room and I got dress. Her gift from me was in my closet. I bought it last night, I thought the later I bought it the better.

I took the small, holed, cubical, brown box that had a handle and placed it into a bigger red box that already had a box on it. I tried not to move to suddenly or quickly with the box in my hands.

Lindsey was bouncing next to our decorated tree that was all red and gold. She had a rectangular wrapped gift in her hand and she plopped onto the floor with her legs crossed. She smiled sweetly. She was so gorgeous that it took every muscle in my body to not run to her. I walked slowly and sat on the ground next to her.

"Here." She offered me the golden wrapped gift.

"You first." I said offering my own present. I was getting anxious, I wanted her gift out of the box fast, "Be careful, it's fragile." I warned her.

"Okay..." Her smile grew even wider as she reached for the box in my hands. She set it on the ground between us and my heart stuttered at how roughly she'd put it there. It probably wasn't that hard but I still worried. She removed the lid and raised an eyebrow, "A box within a box? Seriously?"

I laughed.

She lifted the brown box out by the handle—her eyes narrowed at the several large hole at the side—and pushed down on it, it opened like a box of Munchkins at Dunkin Donuts. She gasped and her heart sped up, "A guinea pig!!" She squealed taking out the fairly large guinea pig and examining it with a smile, "Oh my God! Leah! I love it." She hugged me with the hand that wasn't holding the rodent to her chest, "I didn't think you'd actually buy one! I'm freaking surprised."

"I'm glad you like it. I was afraid you'd be a little mad."

"Oh! Gosh! Is it a boy or a girl?" She moved the black guinea pig with white spots around in search of some confirmation.

"Boy."

"Oh! Cute! What should we name him?"

"He's yours." I reminded her.

"No, he's ours. Like our little baby." She smiled warmly, "It'll be like practice. Names...Well he's black and white...we could name him Dalmatian or Oreo...I don't know, I suck at this..." she sighed.

"Okay, for now, we'll call him guinea pig."

"Hi, Guinea-Pig!" She hugged him to her chest before putting him in the large red box. She picked up my gift and pushed it towards me. She didn't seem as excited to give it to me anymore, "Compared to Guinea-Pig; this gift is crap." She pouted.

"I'm sure I'll love it." I assured her.

"There are two parts." She informed me, "You'll get the other half on New Year's." She winked.

I chuckled and started unwrapping my gift. To my surprise, it was a book. "Huh," I said before turning it over to see the cover. I felt my heart swell inside my chest because this gift was absolutely indescribable. Sure, I'd gotten cell phones and mp3 players, walkmans and gift cards on previous Christmas's but this was really the most thoughtful gift I'd ever gotten. It was titled First Timers edited by Rachel Kramer Basel. True Stories of Lesbian Awakenings was also printed on the hardcover book. I felt my throat tighten but swallowed the big lump in my throat. I'd cried enough for one month.

"I know," Lindsey sighed, "It's a cheesy gift. I was going to get you something cool like a Nintendo Wii or something but then, well, I saw this and...I thought we could read it together and...You don't like it."

"You're right Lindz, I don't like it."

Her face fell.

"This is the best gift I've ever gotten. I'm in love with this present and I love you for getting it for me."

"Really?" Lindsey beamed.

I grabbed her face and kissed her softly, "I am so serious. I love you, more than anything in this world."

"Leah." She breathed and leaned forward to kiss me. She tangled her fingers in my hair and climbed on me, "Oh, Leah," she pulled me into a deep and passionate embrace. My mind swirled and all I felt and saw was Lindsey and I. It was a beautiful image—one I could look at forever—I would look at it forever.

"I think I know what the second part is." I whispered, placing my hands at her hip and pulled her closer to me. She gasped at the speed my hands had gotten from her face to her sides. She still wasn't used to me having nothing to hide including my strength and speed.

She giggled, "Oh, you do?" she asked teasingly.

"Yes and I love it. Telling your parents Lindz, that would be the greatest second half to anything."

Her heart stuttered than returned to its fast beating pattern, "Oh, yeah, that too." She said. I felt a little bad for Lindsey. She would be the perfect liar—she hadn't froze or stuttered at all—if I didn't have the super hearing of a wolf and could hear every thrum of her beating heart that tended to stutter or quicken when she lied. She was so close.

"Lindz..."

"Nothing, Leah, jeez," she got up, "Don't you trust me? I'll tell them." She was annoyed and started picking up the wrapping paper. She was so distracted that she even picked up the box with Guinea-Pig as she headed for the garbage.

"Lindsey, Guinea-Pig." I reminded her.

"Oh," she gasped, "Sorry, baby, mommy almost forgot you." She threw the papers in the garbage and turned to face me, "Does he have a cage or does he sleep in the bed with us?" she teased.

"He has a cage." I got up and took Guinea-Pig from her. I grimaced, I wasn't crazy for the smell of any house pet. I cradled him in one arm and got my cage out of my closet. I'd already assembled the thing a week before buying the actual rodent. I brought it into Lindsey room and set it on her armoire. Over the chipped wood, I put Guinea-Pig in his cage and cracked a window open so he wouldn't stink up the place, "Have fun buddy." I mumbled before shutting the door close and finding Lindsey frozen in front of the garbage. Where I'd left her. "That was the second half, right? Coming out about us? Lindsey, it won't ruin the surprise, I'll be happy with it."

"No, Leah, it's not that. I just...forgot, is all. Then you reminded me and I remembered."

"You...forgot." I repeat the fact. I wanted this day to be perfect but my shoulders slumped anyways. "How could you forget?"

Her laugh was dry and humourless. It wasn't as hard as a scoff but it was close to that, "Haven't you noticed, I tend to block out scary and traumatic things."

"So your parents knowing about us is scary andtraumatic." I said.

Lindsey finally looked up from the trash bin with a surprised expression. Shock by how sensitive I was getting. I wasn't sensitive, that was just a touchy subject for me. I knew that Lindsey loved me—I wasn't blind or stupid—but how was I supposed to know whether she was ashamed of me or not? I wasn't nearly as sweet, amazing and perfect as she was.

"Leah," she sighed, "That's not what I mean...you just have to understand how hard this is on me." She came towards me and for a quick second, she reminded me of Danielle.

"I've been through it too." I repeated the same thing I had said to Danielle—Queen of the Drama Queens.

"Well, Leah, unlike you; I don't have an amazing mother and a loving little brother—a family who will love me no matter what. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it was easier on you?"

"Easier?" I said incredulously, "It was not easier on me. I was just as scared and confused as you are, maybe more so. It's hard on everyone Lindz and unlike you, I was alone."

Lindsey sighed, "Are we fighting?"

"Yes, Lindsey, this is more or less of a argument."

"Okay, then. You think I'm not telling my parents I'm gay. I am. Tomorrow morning while helping my mom with breakfast—she cook 3 times a year—I'm telling her, she'll be the hardest but I can take her. Once she's nice and pissed, I'll tell my loving"—she made air quotes—"brother and father who may or may not be on my side. If things don't work out—which I'm hoping it will—I have a few gay friends that have my back and can buy me alcohol."

"Which won't solve your problems." I said bitterly, not liking when Lindsey said things that I'd heard come out of Danielle's mouth. Her being a drunk really put a damper on enjoying a nice mojito.

"It's a joke, Leah." She skipped over to me, "Better than sex with Max." She giggled and tried to toughen me up with a shove to the shoulder.

I grimaced, not thinking the joke was funny in the least.

"Well, not better..." she pondered.

"Okay, enough." I stopped her and shuddered. I knew all too well that Max was good in bed. "I trust you Lindz. I trust you're going to do the right thing. You're a good person."

"I'll tell them. Now are we good?" She smiled up at me, so sweet that I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, we're good,"

"Don't be upset about anything, okay? I'm going to miss you so much. Five days." She shuddered.

"You won't have to miss me." I took her hands and pulled her closer to me, then entwined our fingers, "Don't send me away and I'll stay."

She seemed tempted but shook her head, "Leah, you should spend time with your family and I should spend time with mine. You'll come on New Year's Eve and we'll be together with my entire family." She promised.

I still didn't like it. It still felt too long. From tonight to the New Year's Eve party. That was way too long for my taste but I had to realise that this was clinginess. Even though I would feel like I was dying, I had to remember that it was all in my head.

"It's all in our heads." Lindsey said what I was thinking, "We're both smart and very sexy, we can do this." She hugged me, "I need you to believe that we can do this."

I kissed her hair.

She looked up at me and enveloped my lips with hers. All of my worries bursted into flames for the time being. I pushed the torturous thought of being away from Lindsey and concentrated on the now, the today, the fact that Lindsey was here, beautiful and mine.

**Chapter 28.**

**Lindsey's POV.**

I kept my million dollar smile on the whole drive from home to my parent's house. I didn't want to go; I didn't want to do this. I knew it was the right thing to do; to spend the holidays with my family. My brother missed me and dad was getting lonely. As much as I enjoyed thinking of nothing but myself, Leah and school, it was time that I faced the world, also known as my mother.

"You sure you don't mind keeping Guinea-Pig?" I asked Leah. She was bringing Guinea-Pig—my new baby boy—to her house for the next five days since I couldn't take him. My mom would flip over a couch, a table and a love seat if she knew I was keeping a rodent in the house.

"I don't mind at all. Seth's going to love him."

"Okay," I nodded. I stared at her profile as she drove on the highway. I wanted to drink in as much of her features as possible before we'd be separated. My stomach lurched. I felt a premonition of what was to come. Being away from Lee was going to be torture. I could only think of one thing more petrifying; tomorrow I was telling mother. My head made up all these crazy assumption that would happen when I told her. I wondered if she would cry from the shame...

I hated that all my ideas were negative. Why couldn't I be positive about this one thing? Maybe my mother would surprise me. Maybe she'd be mixing the dough to make the dumplings and I'd be helping her like we always did on Christmas. She might do something that would make me laugh—I tried to remember the last time mother had made me laugh—then the tension would dissolve like things always did with mothers and daughters. I might feel comfortable knowing that we were alone—that the boys were busy watching action movies on the flat screen. Then I'd just spit it out. "Mom?" my heart would be pounding in my chest but I'd keep thinking of Leah and how much I loved her.

She might even hear the strain in my voice. A good mother can hear when her child needs her, "Yes, Lindsey, what's wrong?" She could care. Actually want to know what was upsetting me. Her hand might stop pressing the flour and she'd look up at me. Concerned.

I would chew on my lip and stutter the word "well" half a dozen time but instead of snapping at me like she usually did and tell me to spit it out and that ladies know how to articulate she'd wait patiently, her face full of the understanding that I always saw in Leah's eyes. Then, when I'd finally just say it, "I'm a lesbian." Her eyes would widen at first and it would be quiet for a few countless seconds. I had just told her something unbelievable and shocking but in the end, I was her daughter and the fact that I was gay wouldn't change that.

"Oh, well, you know that doesn't change anything right? Pass the salt." She could smile warmly and change the subject in a nice way that wouldn't hurt my feelings. She might not care at all.

My throat tightened. I wished so hard—harder for that than I'd ever hoped and prayed and wished for anything—that that was possible.

"You okay Lindz?" Leah asked , seeming a little freaked out. She moved her head from side to side to see if I was staring at her.

I blinked quickly, "I'm fine, I just spaced out."

Leah laughed, "'Cause you were just staring at me blankly. Border line freaky, Lindz."

I laughed. I hoped it didn't sound as fake to her as it did to me.

Leah parked her car in front of my house. The porch light was on and so was the upstairs light. I didn't want to go. I tried to find comfort in five days not being really long. That was false though, five days was very long. When I was bored, time seemed to drag.

I turned to face Leah and smiled apologetically. I knew she didn't like being away from me—I didn't like it either—but at least she'd be with her awesome family. "Help me with my bags?" I asked. "I can use some of your strength."

Leah had a sad smile but agreed anyways. She helped me bring in the gifts I had bought for my family.

"I'm home!" I announced when I opened the door. I set my small suit case next to the front door and escorted Leah to the living room. Like most of the rooms in this house, the walls were red. I liked red too but mother over did it when she decorated this house. The tree was 7 feet tall and beautiful as usual. We never decorated our trees ourselves, we had it professionally done. As a child though, James and I would take turns putting the star at the top of the tree. Like every year, the green tree was uniformed in gold ornaments. I had to admit that it looked great with the living room.

My father and James were sitting on the white leather couch watching TV on the plasma screen. My dad got up when he saw us enter the room and helped us set the gifts under the tree. He'd even gotten Leah a gift. My dad was so sweet. My throat tightened but I didn't cry—I rarely did. My mom had taught me that crying wasn't lady like and one should only do that in private. I was studying psychology so I knew that was ridiculous but I was so used to holding back tears that I just couldn't do it in public. I couldn't even remember if Leah had seen me cry...

"Leah, let me show you my room." I grabbed her wrist and recuperated my suitcase for the door. I pulled her up the stairs and the first door in front of us was my childhood room. I opened the door and felt my heart drop into my stomach. I nearly collapsed and grabbed Leah's arm for support.

I had completely forgotten that mother had turned my room into a gym. My once violet coloured walls were now painted indigo. Indigo! Bright blue. She could have just left it violet! There wasn't much of a contrast in colour. She did this to spite me. All my furniture was gone. Now, there was a treadmill, a fitness ball, a plasma screen TV next to the door facing the treadmill...It was a gym!

I clenched my fist. There was a small twin sized bed in a new white bed frame. How thoughtful of her. The thought was sarcastic.

"Oh, now I remember." Leah mumbled.

We were both quiet. I felt so abandoned. Had anyone even fought to keep my room the way it was? I was sure that it was a hell of a happy day when I announced I was moving out. I was so angry, so betrayed and hurt. I bit my lip to keep from screaming.

"Lindz..." Leah started to apologize.

"I don't care," I flipped my hair as I stepped into the room and shut the door behind us, "I moved out. It's not my room anymore." I had to clear my throat, the lump in it was getting bigger and bigger.

"Lindsey, I'm so sorry."

I had my back turned to her. My hands on the door knob—staring at it. Something was off about this knob. Then I remembered that the door knob I had grown up with—a spherical gold coloured knob—was replaced by a diamond shaped, crystal knob. Was this even my room? It looked nothing like it.

Tear spilled from my eyes and I wiped them up before turning around with a reassuring smile, "Don't be Lee. I just forgot that my room had been...redecorated." That was an understatement, my room had been destroyed and rebuilt but I didn't want to worry Leah. "Just....come here." I asked and wrapped arms around her waist, hugging her. She was so warm. She was so comforting to me, I almost bursted into tears. I didn't want her to leave. I also didn't want Leah to be there when I came out. If I was sure what would happen, I would have her there, but I didn't know what was going to happen. What if mother erupted and blamed it all on me? Leah would be furious. What if she phased? Or worst, what if mother blamed this on Leah? If I hadn't met her, I'd still be having meaningless sex with Max. My mother would probably think that was better than having a dike as a daughter. It stung to think how many time Max had called me that.

It was probably hard for people to believe it, but Max was my friend at one point. I did regret hurting him. I regretted all the fights we got in and all the times I'd cheated on him. In my defence, he cheated first. I had used him more than he deserved though and he shouldn't have seen me with Leah. That must have been hard for him. I guess it's in moments like that when you learn who your real friends are.

Like Leslie, she was a real friend, and the girls at Hooters, they were real friends too. How could I forget Leah, she was the truest friend of them all. I looked up at her and stretched up to kiss her. When we kissed, I felt myself melt and meld into her body. I kept in mind that she'd be gone for five days. I brought one hand to the back of her neck and pulled her closer. I was going to miss her so much.

"I love you." I whispered against her lips.

"I don't want to leave." She didn't stop kissing me. It seemed like she had no intention to ever stop.

"I don't want you to leave either." I admitted, "I never want you to go."

"Let's not do this. Let's just stay together. I don't care where."

That sounded amazing. Not being apart, just being together, "Leah, I—" my sentence was cut off by my own gasp. I heard the front door open and Leah and I were both too shock to even move. Both our heads whipped in the direction of the door and I was having a wicked case of déjà-vu.

"Oh my God." Said James. His expression was one of utter shock. His hand was frozen on the new door knob.

I backed away from Leah and took a step towards the door, "James don't—"

"I—I'm sorry for, um," he just left the room.

I was frozen too. I couldn't move, or speak, or anything. I had to move, there wasn't time for me to stand here with my mouth hanging open like an idiot. "S**t!" I hissed, "Holly s**t!" I walked towards the door then away from it. What was I supposed to do? I started passing, "Leah, why didn't you say something?"

"What? I didn't hear him."

"What do you mean you didn't hear him? What happen to super hearing?"

"I get distracted when we're..."

"Distracted? We don't have time for this. You have to go. Now." We ran down the stairs and I watched Leah hurry toward the car, "Don't forget to turn the heat on! Guinea-Pig needs heat!" I blew her a kiss.

She waved goodbye and then she was gone.

I stood at the door and watched the snow coated road. Snowflakes had started falling from the sky and everything looked so beautiful. It really did look like we were Christmas Eve.

I closed the door and, with a sigh, went into the living room. James was sitting on the floor looking at the TV and my dad was still parched on the sofa. When James saw me, he looked like he was going to get up but then he just went back to the TV.

My heart was racing the whole time I walk to the sofa. I petted James' bald head before curling up on the sofa next to my father. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat. Daddy wrapped his arm around me and I closed my eyes and inhaled the smell of his cologne. It was funny how he had dozens of perfumes but to me it always smelled the same. He always smelled like daddy.

I wasn't sure if he was able to feel the rapidity of my heart but he rubbed my arm and started humming Silent Night. I had to fight back tears. Even though James wasn't talking to me right now, I was sort of happy. At that moment, I knew that daddy loved me. Yes, he was religious and traditional but he loved me. Since it was almost Christmas—it was only hours away—I relied on faith. I had faith in my father. Maybe his love was unconditional, maybe there was absolutely nothing that I could do for him to hate me.

I fell asleep on the couch.

The next morning, I was surprised to find that I was wrapped in covers on the sofa. My face felt filthy, I had fallen asleep with my make-up. I could hear that everyone else had already woken up. I wondered if Leah had woken up yet.

I sat up and took my iPhone out of my pocket. I wasn't surprised to see 3 missed calls from Leah. With a yawn, I got up and went up the stairs. I dialled Leah's number and put it on speaker phone. I closed the bathroom door behind me and washed my face.

"Oh, Lindz, there you are!"

"Merry Christmas, baby." I smiled. She sounded so happy to hear my voice. I wondered if it were possible for her to be happier than I was.

"Merry Christmas. Did you just wake up?"

"Yeah, I'm brushing my teeth." I said while putting tooth paste on my toothbrush and started scrubbing.

"Oh, then I guess I'll talk." She compromised, "Seth absolutely loves the guinea pig. He's been thinking of names since yesterday."

I spat into the sink, "Did he think of anything nice?" I asked, suddenly intrigued. I had forgotten about my little boy Guinea-Pig.

"Yeah, he thought of Pip Squeak, Spider Pig, Kimo, Midnight, Moon, Smokey..."

I laughed at some of the suggestions. Seth was so cute. I wished he was my little brother. I couldn't wait to see him again.

"...Spotty, Jojo, Gizmo, Remy, Shadow—"

I gasped, "I like that one."

"Shadow?" Leah guessed.

"No, Remy. Rem-ie. I like it. It's like a weird Hollywood name."

"Seth!" Leah called, "Lindsey likes the name Remy!"

"Awesome!" Seth crowed.

I smiled and jumped when someone knocked at the door.

"Sweet heart, don't you want to open you gifts?"

"Coming Daddy!" I called. "Lee, I have to go. But I love you and I miss you."

"I love you too. Oh! You didn't tell me about your brother..."

"You'll know soon enough. Bye." I hung up and sighed. I went into the gym a.k.a my old room and put on Leah's tank top and some jeans. I wore the shirt because it smelled like her. I jogged down the stairs and crossed paths with James. We both froze in the stair case.

"Merry Christmas." He nodded. I couldn't recognize if he looked angry or not.

"Merry Christmas." I duplicated his tone.

He headed upstairs and I continued my way down the stairs.

"You have to help Deb in the kitchen. You know it's tradition."

"Mm-hm." I mumbled. Not because I was sour, but because I couldn't speak past that stupid lump in my throat. It was time to tell my mom that I was into girls. I grimaced. I didn't want to tell her! Why couldn't she just guess? Did she not care about me so much that she couldn't even see how much I loved Leah? It wasn't normal how we looked at each other. Not for two friends anyways. We were so obviously in love. Why couldn't she see that?

The anger seemed to make me stronger. Her knowing would surely ruin her day. If there was one thing I wanted more than her accepting me was her day being completely ruined because of me.

I held my head up high as I stomped to the kitchen. Like in my little fantasy, flour was sprinkled all over the counter from her messy cooking. I mess I would have to clean up. When I thought back at my day dream with my mother being understanding and loving, I almost didn't want to ruin her day. She was so nice...

But that was your imagination, I reminded myself. I had to remember that she wasn't nice. Maybe she was, a long time ago, before I was born, but now she was a...a b**ch. It was hard for me to think it to myself but it was true. She was a b**ch. She turned my room into a gym! She painted my walls indigo! Oh, yeah, I wanted to ruin her day.

"Merry Christmas, mom!" I used my fakest, happiest tone possible. I learned that tone from my one and only mother.

I want to thank y'all for all the guinea pig names. My fave was Remy so that's the one I chose. I like the way it rings. So thanks Claire Mary Hausfeld :D

**Chapter 29.**

**Lindsey's POV**

"Yes, yes, Merry Christmas!" My mother replied sounding annoyed already, "Come here and help with the food. If a break a nail while turning this dough..." she started threaten.

I nodded obediently, my bravery flying out the window. I scampered to my mother and took the dough out of her hands. I began turning it and she left to wash her hands.

"This is a stupid tradition." She muttered, "I didn't go to University to cook meals..."

I rolled my eyes. She was in a bad mood. I couldn't stand being around her when she was like this. My mother automatically plunged into gossip; talking about her so-called friends, co-workers and other family member's personal life. She was such a hateful shrew. She laughed at unfortunate things that happened to her co-workers and claimed her life was doing much better. She bragged about how fit she was getting with her new gym.

"You can use it sometimes." She suggested, "You might be thin now but that won't last forever." She added then muttered something unintelligible.

We were almost finished breakfast and I couldn't believe how long I just stood there listening to her yammer. Lord knows I didn't want to tell my mother but I had made a promise to Leah. It was Christmas and my mother was going to know.

"Mom?" I said. I reminded myself to breathe. This was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do—harder than learning the jump-split in high school cheerleading.

"Yes?" she seemed annoyed that the conversation had now hovered away from her, "What is it?" She didn't seem the least bit interested. I looked at her and her expression was rushing me through this. My mouth felt dry and I looked away. It was her fault I had this stupid social phobia. She judged me, She thought nasty things when she looked at me. When I looked directly into her eyes I couldn't feel her burning me with her evil thoughts. She broke me.

"Mom...I'm sort of—no, I am a...a lesbian." I announced it! It was out! It was kind of a relief; having it out there. I was sure Leah was going to be so proud. I peaked up at my mother.

She was surprised, but that expression lasted half a second, then she was laughing. I felt my stomach clench. I couldn't understand why she was laughing. Nothing funny had happened. Maybe I had something on my face...

"Good one, Lindsey. Very funny." She laughed, shaking her head. She started putting our breakfasts on platters.

"What? No, mom, I'm serious. I'm not joking." I walked towards her.

She turned around to face me. Her face had gone completely serious. She placed both her hands on my shoulder. I had shied away but she got her grip on me. I tried to remember the last times she'd held me so firmly...

"_Yes, you are_." She said sternly. She articulated every word as if what she was saying was very important. My mother released me and turned back to the finished meal, "Breakfast!" she announced in a jolly voice, grabbing a tray of food and heading for the dining room.

I heard James crow in delight.

I stood frozen where I was. Had that really happened? I questioned if I had even said anything. Had I imagined the whole 'coming out' thing? No. I had said it. Out loud. Well, wasn't that just...Ugh! No words could describe my frustration. I wanted to scream and throw a tantrum like an angry toddler at a toy store. I wanted to break everything in site and throw myself off a bridge.

I had tried though. That had to count for something, right? I was going to tell her again tomorrow. Give her some time to take it in. I might tell her the 27th. I didn't want her ruining my black Friday. I wasn't procrastinating; I was just trying to make this easier on myself. Surely Leah would understand that much.

With a sigh, I picked up a platter full of scrambled eggs and helped my mother set the table. As we ate, my father was the only one really talking. He was so happy all the time he hardly noticed the glum mood everyone was in. I didn't want to mope but I felt so crummy. It wasn't because my mom had overruled my outing—a part of me was relieved about that—it was because my dad was out of a bubble. Daddy was the nicest guy in the world and he didn't deserve secrets being kept from him. James knew, mother knew, but Daddy was completely oblivious. I felt really bad about that.

James would glance at me every now and again but he didn't say what was on his mind. Usually I would've have called him out on it but I knew very well what he was looking at.

We put our plates in sink and we later all sat around the Christmas tree. It was time to open the gifts. I wasn't nearly as excited to open these gifts as I was to open Leah's gift and have her open mine.

I had gotten pretty awesome gifts though. Daddy got me new Louboutin shoes! That was freaking amazing! James got me all five Harajuku Lovers perfumes by Gwen Stefani since he knew how much I wanted them. I had momentarily forgotten that he saw me making out with Leah and gave him a huge hug. I was grateful for his gift.

Mom, dad and James all opened their gifts from me and all loved it.

We were practically finished opening all the gifts when I noticed my mother hadn't gotten me anything. I looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to give me a wrapped gift.

She rolled her eyes and reached behind her and handed me a white envelop. It was very thick. I ripped it open to find that the envelop was full of paper money—allot of money. I frowned and looked up at my mother.

"What's this?" I demanded.

"I didn't have time to go shopping so there's about 3000 dollars in there, maybe more, I lost count." She answered nonchalantly.

My heart racing in my chest from pure fury. Lies. She was telling me lies. She had time to buy James that art set, a real gift from a caring parent. She had time to buy dad that gold watch, a real gift from a caring wife. But she didn't have time to buy a real gift for me? Her daughter? I was so angry!

"You got to be kidding me." I muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"Mom, this is...what am I supposed to do with this?" I asked, trying to keep my hysterics under of control.

"Buy yourself something pretty." She rolled her eyes. To her, I was probably the dumbest person on earth.

"Then what? Then it's gone, and I have nothing."

"Your gift costs more than your father's gift and your brother's gift combined." She informed me smugly.

I glared at her. She was absolutely impeccable. I got up and stormed out of the room. I couldn't stand her!

"Where do you think you're going, young lady?" she followed behind me and it almost sounded like she was yelling. She never yelled though. Ladies didn't raise their voices in conflicts they just put their point across. She grabbed my wrist when I when up the first step of the stairs and yanked me down so I was looking at her. "You know what this is about? This is about you being an ungrateful brat ever since you got that scholarship!"

I clenched my fist my fist, "No, mother, this is about you being too lazy to do anything for me! You don't care about me! I don't want your money; I want you to care about the things that go on in my life!" I spat.

"I have taken care of you. I fed you and put a roof over your head!"

"Yeah, only because the law obliges you to."

"Not anymore, your 19, I'm still here aren't I? Doesn't that count for something?"

"Ugh!" I shrieked, "I'm out!" I ran up the stairs and grabbed my purse and jacket. I went down the stairs three steps at a time. I had to get out. I hated this place! Why I kept coming back was a mystery.

"Lindsey Clarisse Jean-Paul Craig, you are not walking out on Christmas day."

"I have to do something." I said. That wasn't a lie at all. I was supposed to go out in a few hours but I couldn't stick around now. Not after this.

"You know what Lindsey? Go. I don't even care."

"I'll be back for dinner!" I stepped out into the cold and slammed the door behind me. I walked on the snow coated streets in attempt to blow off steam. I couldn't think straight. I was so angry. She made me so angry! I refused to cry in this cold weather. I wasn't going to suffer because of my mother. I couldn't even think about how my dad and brother hadn't defended me. Every time I thought my dad was the most amazing man in the world he always reminded me that he was a coward.

I didn't call Leah even though I desperately wanted to. I was sure that she was having an amazing Christmas with all her friends and family. I didn't want her Christmas to be ruined like mine had been.

I had planned to go out today. My appointment wasn't for a few hours but I hoped that they would be open and hopefully have me. Time just flew by as I walk the 10 blocks to my destination.

I entered the building and I was surprised by how...clean this place was. I always imagined a tattoo artist's place to be all gross with a fat man with a tattoo of his mother on his shoulders. The walls were bright gold and a pretty blond was behind a counter.

I walked toward her and tried to suck up all my stress and anger. I didn't want to take it out on her, "Hi, um, I'm Lindsey Craig; I made an appointment to get a tattoo. My appointment isn't for another 3 hours but I was wondering if it were possible for me to see the artist right now..."

The woman smiled and nodded. She opened a folder and scanned through it. I pointed at my name that was below several empty spaces, "Well, looky here, I'm positive that Tessy can see you now. It is the holydays. We're all in a giving mood." The woman's smile was ridiculously wide and sparkly. It seemed out of place on this crappy day.

She got out her seat and led me to a blue room with something that looked like a dentist chair and hundreds of tiny pictures on the walls. It was surely designs for tattoos. There was a black haired woman with her backed turned to us. She was washing her hands or something. The blond woman gestured for me to take a seat in the room.

"Miss Craig is early for her appointment. Can you take care of her?" The blond woman asked.

"Mh hm." The dark haired woman nodded as she cleaned needles.

"Well, you have fun." The blond woman winked at me and left the room.

"Hello, I'm Tessy, I'll be tatting you up today." Tessy turned around and smiled at me. She was just as pretty and happy as the blond. She had black hair had a bright orange bang. It was kind of odd if you asked me. Her style reminded me of Leslie. She did have allot of tattoos on both her arms. "Did you have anything in specific planned for your tattoo?"

I nodded, "I want you to tattoo my girlfriends name on my waist."


	5. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30.**

**Lindsey's POV**

I was actually smiling when I left the tattoo artist. I had been in pain just minutes before and my waist still ached from the tattoo. I knew that if I looked at that side of my body it would be dark pink from all the needles and pain it endured but for the first time in a long time I made a decision all by myself and I felt no regrets about it.

I knew that tattoos were permanent; especially one of this size but it wasn't a stupid thing to do. I couldn't think of anything I was surer of than me and Leah's relationship. I belonged to her now. I knew that all along but this tattoo made it more…legit. I knew that Leah probably had fears of losing me; I would if I were her. I was never a stable person—I never stuck to one thing for too long. That was probably why mother thought I was being ridiculous; when I was five I said I wanted to be the next Jackie Chan. I quit martial arts after 2 months. This was real though and I wanted Leah to know that I was into this as much as she was. I belonged to her and there was nothing that could change that now.

The long of my waist tingled at my right side. Her name started right below my arm pit and went all the way down to my waist. In beautiful, intricate, cursive writing was her name: _Leah. _Of course there was other stuff around it like butterflies and vines and hearts but the main focus was Leah's name. Leah.

Butterflies started to flutter in my stomach and I giggled. I was so lucky to have found her. I picked up my phone and called her. I asked her about her Christmas and didn't give her time to ask me about mine. I just bombarded her with question just so I could hear her talk. I hadn't realised how my body yearned for her to be near. I wanted to see her face and feel her abnormally warm body. I just wanted a hug from her. I couldn't remember how many days had passed…one? Had it really only been one day?

I concentrated on Leah's voice. Doing so made me feel like I was floating back home. It was cold and dark outside but I still felt like I was in a winter wonderland.

I stepped into my house and kicked the snow off my boots. The house already smelt like Christmas dinner. I started taking off my jacket and putting it in the closet. I wasn't surprised to see extra winter jackets. I already knew that my grandparents were coming over. I actually, sort of enjoyed their company. My grandmother was just as pretentious as my mother was but she was actually nice to me so I liked her. Grandpa was exactly like daddy; jolly and spineless.

Like they say, girls tend to marry men that remind them of their own fathers. I was thoughtful for a minute, trying to think whether Leah reminded me of my dad in anyway. I couldn't say that she did. Leah had more balls than anyone I knew. Leah was nothing like my father.

Dinner was delicious and great! Not only because of the food—though it was delicious—I just loved my grandparents so much! It was awesome to see grandma roast mom about her laziness and criticizing every little thing she did. It wasn't hard for me to stay cool. On the inside I was laughing my butt off. It was good to see my mom have a taste of her own medicine.

I couldn't help psychoanalysing the situation. I saw the chain reaction that was going on here. Grandma judged and criticized my mom constantly and now she was doing the same to me. I understood that it was hard for her but I didn't feel bad for her. She wasn't a child, I was. She wasn't a victim anymore. She was forty-six for God Sake! She couldn't take her frustrations out on me. I was going to do the right thing and break this cycle. When Leah and I would have kids—because we would hopefully have kids—I'm going to treat him or her the way my mother should have treated me all along.

The next day was shopping with Leslie as planned. I had looked forward to black Friday shopping but the whole being away from Leah thing had drained me out more than I thought possible. There was so much stress going on with the Holidays; my brother still wasn't talking to me and my mother hadn't changed her attitude with Grandma's recent visit. I couldn't imagine adding to my stress by coming out. I'd be seeing Leah on New Year's so who cares if I waited a while to tell my folks.

The only thing that could cheer me up was hearing Leah's voice as I called her several times a day. The aching in my chest was becoming more and more unbearable and I was on the verge of telling Leah to come to me now. But that would mean my parents had to know now too. I hated how I got my father's cowardice.

**Leah's POV**

I lay down on the sofa in the living room flipping through the channels but not really looking for anything. I doubted Lindsey had her own TV show. I couldn't stand how much I missed her. I pressed cancel on the remote to see the date on the TV and was pissed to see that it was only the 27. Time wasn't on my side at all.

I could faintly hear Seth ,even though he was parched on the floor in front of the TV murmuring and playing with Remy. Seth loved that guinea pig. I should have bought him one too. Mom didn't seem to mind Remy's presence that much. She had gone to Charlie's to drop off some food.

I wasn't paying attention to anything in particular so I heard the approaching footsteps to our front door. I was feeling very lazy so I silently prayed that whoever it was either had a key to the house or turned around.

The person knocked at our front door.

I opened my mouth to tell Seth to get up and answer it but he beat me to it. "No." he said bluntly and didn't seem like he was budging from that statement. I wasn't in the mood to argue with him or anyone for that matter.

I opened the door and I was actually too surprised to gasp. Seeing the person actually annoyed me. I couldn't remember how long it had been since I'd seen Danielle but I could tell that she'd changed drastically.

She was wearing a big ugly winter jacket that she would usually never be caught dead in. Her jeans were always perfectly melded to her body but now, they were kind of loose. I guessed she was losing weight. She looked pale. Her skin didn't have the russet shine it always had. Under the hood, her hair looked messy and un-groomed. Her black hair covered most of her face and she didn't seem interested in brushing it out of her face.

Looking at her made me angry. Seeing the way she was making herself fall apart was pathetic. Would she really rather live like _this_ than admit she was lesbian? That was just insulting to my way of life. She was annoying me and she hadn't even opened her mouth yet.

I rolled my eyes and attempted to close the door but Danielle's foot got in the way. I looked down at her foot then at her face. Her expression was unreadable. There was nothing there. She didn't even look apologetic. Not that I wanted an apology from her. She didn't owe I _me _anything. It was what she owed herself.

"Happy Holidays." She mumbled looking at the floor and chewing on her lip.

"Is that all?" I asked, not hiding my annoyance. Had I even told her how much she irritated me? I couldn't recall telling her in words that she got on my nerves.

There was a hint of surprise when she looked up at me. I could barely see the shimmer in her dark brown eyes as she stared up at me. I barely saw _anything _when I looked at her. The Danielle I knew would never have left the house dressed like this. Obviously that Danielle was dead.

"I don't know." She hardly opened her mouth when she spoke which was another way to get on my nerves. "I heard you were in town…I didn't want to bother you on Christmas and Black Friday; I thought you'd go shopping…"

"That doesn't answer my question." I replied harshly.

Her dark eyes widened under the curtain of hair, "I…I guess I wanted to see how you were doing…" her skin had gotten so pale that I actually saw her cheeks get pink. I would've worried for her a few months ago, but now I knew that she did all this to herself. She was probably doing all sorts of drugs and drinking every night like some low class…

"You came. You saw. Now move your foot so I could close the door."

"Leah." She sighed, "I-I feel like you want me to apologize but…why?" She paused so I would answer her question but it was such a _stupid _question that I didn't want to answer it. Even if I weren't just angry at her having no intention to come out, I could've been mad about all the things she had said to me. Did she not _remember _blaming her homosexuality on me? "We used to be best friends." She whispered.

"Yeah and before that we weren't best friends," I reminded her harshly.

She nodded, "When you were going through that weird hormonal phase." Her voice was getting lower and lower. I didn't care that I was embarrassing her. She was wasting my time and ruining my holidays.

"Call it whatever you want to call it."

"Leah, I-I miss you sometimes—most of the times, I miss you."

My heart lurched in my chest and that made my face even harder. I didn't want to feel this and I didn't want to go through this again, "You know what Danielle, I missed you too but I have a new life and…I tried to help you with everything I could but that wasn't good enough for you and judging by how you are right now, it still isn't good enough." I was being harsh but the truth was harsh. I hoped that if I told everything—told her what I was truly feeling—she'd leave me alone forever. "Until you're brave enough to face your problems, I don't want to see you because I have problems and Lindsey has problems and neither of us needs _your _problems. You know what Lindz did on Christmas? She told her family about us. It was hard for her but she did it and you know what? She was kind of alone too. She _chose _to do that alone because…" My hands started to tremble and I knew that I'd spoken to her enough for today. "I'm done grieving over you. I refuse to cry for you again. Move your foot and leave me and my family alone."

Danielle finally got it because she moved her food and I slammed the door shut. The door quiverd in danger of shattering. Thankfully, it didn't break. I couldn't afford to fix the door.

I took deep breaths to stop my shaking and calm my nerves. In through my nose and out through my mouth. Yoga wasn't helping with my anger as much as I thought it would. It wasn't _useless _though. It helped a little and I was flexible now, so that was fun.

"Are you okay, Leah?" Seth placed his hand on my shoulder.

I jumped. I had forgotten he was in the room.

Concern was etched on his face. He was holding Remy against his chest with the hand that wasn't on my shoulder.

I couldn't answer him. Seeing Danielle always upset me and now my throat was swollen shut. I nodded and reached for Remy. Seth didn't protest to hand him to me. I stayed calm with him in my hands. I always kept in mind that he belonged to Lindsey and that caused me to be exceptionally careful with the little guy.

"I know it upsets you to see her." Seth said, "Danielle isn't the same anymore…She's changed in a bad way."

"Yeah," I nodded.

We were both quiet and that gave me a chance to think. If Lindsey being so far away wasn't bad enough, now Danielle was a wreck. Seeing her like that made my stomach twist and turn in disgust. As much as Danielle made me angry, she made me sadder. I didn't like seeing her like that. I wanted to see her happy or not see her at all. Why couldn't she get that?

Before, I could pretend that she was maybe happy or getting better. Now that I saw that she wasn't doing better at all and she wasn't happy, I knew. I didn't want to know. I was happy with the denial and I was even happier with the thought of never having to see her sad again. Lindsey being far away didn't help with any of this. She was so far…

Seth was deep in thought as he studied my features. He looked sad when he patted my arm, "Leah, you should just go. See Lindsey. It's what you want."

I looked up from the Remy's ink black face and back to my brother. I hadn't expected him to suggest that. He didn't give me the time to protest.

"I know that's where you want to be. I'm sure Lindsey wants you there too."

"Seth, this is supposed to be family time…" My arguing was half hearted. I was prepared to wait another two days to see Lindsey. The thought of seeing her in just a few hours made my heart flutter. Could she really be that close?

"We had our family. We can have it when you come back with Lindsey. You should go…after dinner, when mom comes back. It wouldn't be nice if she came back and you were gone."

I smiled, "Thanks Seth, you're the best."

He grinned.

I was going to ask my mother before I made any rash decisions. If she wanted me to stay then I was going to suck it up and stay. I couldn't help but be excited about the fifty-fifty chance of seeing Lindsey today! Tonight! Lindsey.

And almost instantly, with the help of a caring brother and the thought of my love girlfriend, I forgot about Danielle.


	6. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31.**

**Lindsey's POV**

I was in the dining room, looking out the window and watching the snow fall. I bit down hard on my bottom lip and fought back tears. The high of the tattoo had completely faded since yesterday. Now I was even more sensitive and irritable. Without Leah, I felt raw and naked. Every seemingly harmless blow from my mother felt like a cold breeze in an open wound.

I was being petty and mellow dramatic. We had been watching TV, all four of us. We were watching _The world's funniest commercials_ and a car commercial came on. It was a stupid commercial. Basically what happened was a man was supposed to meet his daughter's boyfriend for the first time. When the "boyfriend's" Honda car pulled up in front of their perfect, white picket fence house, the father got up and said "I like him." without even seeing the boy through the tinted windows. When the girl went in the car, there was a woman whom she kissed very passionately—too passionately for a commercial—and drove off.

My father had grimaced and I could've sworn I saw my mom smirk from the corner of my eye. If I didn't know better I would have said that my suffering caused my mother joy. I knew that my mom was evil but she wasn't_ heartless_. I refused to accept that much.

The snow was pretty. I wished there was a storm. It would have been prettier to look at than these tiny snowflakes falling one by one oh so delicately. I rested my chin in my hands and stood there like a bored little kid waiting for something exciting to happen; like Santa showing up on his sleigh with Rudolph and the others.

I sighed.

My head came up when I saw a beige car park outside of my house. My heart was already thudding inside my chest. I thought I was going crazy. People's wishes didn't just happen like that.

I hoped out of the window frame and ran towards the front door. My heart was beating so fast I could feel myself on the verge of sweating. I kicked on some boots and didn't even think about getting a jacket. I stepped out into the cold night and everything was clearer. I hadn't hallucinated the car. It was really here. Leah. She was really here.

I was so excited to see her that I walked down two of the steps and jumped the rest of the way. The ground was slippery underneath the thick coat of soft snow. I slipped and fell on my butt. I didn't care that my hands were freezing from my attempt to break my fall.

Leah ran out of her car to help me up. She took both my hands and pulled me up. Her hands heated mine the second there was contact. I was surprised to see her like this. For some reason, I thought she'd look different. But she looked the same; she was still beautiful, her hair was still short and shinny, her face still made my entire body feel a few degrees warmer.

She was here!

She helped me onto my feet. "Oh my God, Lindsey, are you okay?" she worried.

Hearing her voice for real and not through the phone was amazing. It sent shivers down my spine—or maybe that was the cold. I laughed at myself. I couldn't believe how ridiculous ad in love I had become.

I grabbed Leah's face and kissed her. I needed this more than anything else in this world. My lips burned and the rest of my body was still warm despite the arctic weather. My heart hammered in my chest and I welcomed that feeling. It felt like an eternity since my heart had beat. I was able to feel my heart in my chest and I felt my soul sore with Leah this close.

I let my hands run down her shoulders and arms so I could twine my fingers with hers. We pulled away to look at each other again. Neither of us had to speak. All was said. _I love you. I missed you. I can't live without you. _There was nothing else left to say. I could've stood there forever, staring into Leah's eyes, there was nowhere else I would rather be. I forgot about the hell I had been in the last three days, I forgot all the crude comments my mother had made towards me, I forgot everything that wasn't Leah.

"Miss me?" she grinned and kissed my lips again. I knew she had this sick pleasure of listening to my heart jump out of my chest. She pulled away and my lips followed her as she straightened up. I couldn't tell if I hated or loved those painfully short kisses.

"Does it show?"

She chuckled, "Kind of." This moment was too perfect to last forever, "We should go in." Leah suggested.

I pouted, that was the last place I wanted to go.

"Lindsey, you're shaking and your arms are full of goose bumps." She said with more concern and let her hands run up and down my arms to heat me up. I hadn't noticed how cold I was till I felt her scorching heat on my arm. I trembled violently before sneezing. My teeth started to chatter and I frowned.

"Don't be like that." She grinned, "We can go in there and you could _officially _present me as you girlfriend." Her grin widened and my heart thudded for two very different reasons. The first was how beautiful she was. I'd never seen her so excited before and it caught me by surprise. The second reason my heart nearly stopped was because I was in deep shit. I was planning on telling them tomorrow instead. I kept stalling because I thought I had time. But my time was up, Leah was here and excited to meet my parents who supposedly knew we're an item.

I chewed on my lip. It was a nervous habit, something I did when I was preparing to say something that would upset someone. Leah knew that and I remembered a few seconds to late. I bit down on my lip before releasing it but Leah had already seen. She didn't frown like I had expected, she just looked weary.

"Lindz…"

"They don't know." I whispered so low in hopes that she wouldn't hear me. I always forgot the small details like the fact she was a werewolf. I looked down at me feet and ignored the pain the cold was causing me.

Leah didn't say anything for countless seconds. They seemed to stretch an eternity. Out of curiosity, I peeked up through my eye lashes. Her expression was still frozen in shock. I waited for her to do or say something, but she didn't.

"Leah?"

She looked down at me with a blank expression on her face. My heart that was soaring just seconds ago sunk into my stomach. "Lindsey, how—you promised." She looked so heartbroken that I felt my own heart shatter.

"I told her, I swear."

"You told your mother…yet she doesn't know?" she questioned, not really buying my story.

"Yes! No. Ugh. She didn't believe me." I explained.

"She didn't _believe _you?" she repeated incredulously.

I nodded.

"When was this?"

"Christmas."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to worry about me…"

She sighed, "It's my job to worry about you." She mumbled to herself than frowned, "Christmas? Why didn't you tell her again? _Tell _her about us."

"I—I got nervous."

She frowned even deeper and looked away from her. The fog that produced when she breathed made her look even fiercer—even angrier. It was like a punch in the stomach to think that Leah was angry at me.

"Leah, please don't be mad." I pleaded.

"I'm not mad I'm—" she cut herself off and looked back at her car that was still running. My stomach twisted and heaved at the suspense. I hated not knowing these kinds of things. I _had_ to know whether she was angry at me. I doubted that her being angry with me would be worse than the torture of not knowing.

"You're what?" I pressed, "Please tell me what you're thinking."

"You don't want to know what I'm thinking." She warned.

"Please." I begged.

She sighed and turned back to look at me, "I'm not mad at you Lindz—I could never be mad at you. I'm just…very _disappointed _in you."

I winced.

"I really thought you were going to do this, I was really excited and you let me—" she cut her self off when she noticed my pained expression. My right side was still sore from the tattoo and her words were slicing at it even worse.

"I let you down." I finished her sentence. That was all I was doing these days. I let my mother down from the day I learned how to talk, I let my brother down and by not letting my father down, I was letting Leah down. I wanted to scream. Leah just didn't understand. She thought she did but she couldn't possibly understand how hard this could be for kids like me—for kids like Danielle and I.

The only reason I didn't force Leah to call Danielle and just forgive her was because of my jealousy towards the beautiful woman. Leah didn't understand how it felt not have parents that loved you unconditionally. Not everyone had parents who loved them more than they loved themselves….

Leah never stopped and thought how _hard_ this was for Danielle and how truly alone she really was. Danielle didn't have loving siblings—a younger generation that could possibly understand—she was all alone in this. Poor thing.

Of course I could never tell Leah that. She'd think I was taking Danielle's side. Using her as an excuse for my cowardice.

"No. I didn't mean that." Leah rested her hands on my shoulder and her skin burn my in painful ways. I was getting really cold. "You should really go inside." She repeated.

I didn't look up at her. "Are you coming in too?"

"No. I don't want to be a part of a lie. When you're ready to tell them, I'll be there. I'll wait for you forever Lindz, I just hope you know how it makes me feel." She kissed my forehead and turned around towards her car.

"What about New Years?" I recalled.

She was angry when she replied, "If they don't know by New Years—" she cut herself off again and her voice was softer when she answered, "Lying to your mom is one thing and lying to your dad in the same…but lying to _everyone? _Your _entire _family? I don't want to be a part of a domino effect lie." she looked at me before going in her car. She tried to smile but she just looked sad.

I fought back the tears that endangered to overcome me and went back to my house. I sneezed at least twenty times once the heat hit me. I ran to the kitchen to blow my nose with some tissue.

"You went out like that?" James came in the kitchen with wide eyes, "Are you crazy? You can get really sick!"

I didn't pay attention to my brother's bitching. I tried to concentrate on the uncomfortable sensation of my body's thawing. It hurt but I preferred that from the aching in my heart from disappointing Leah. I was going to tell my parents…once my heart didn't hurt as much.


	7. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32.**

**Lindsey's POV**

I stood at the door of this familiar building. This was where we kept every New Year's Party. This building had been a part of my life for years. This was where my parent's rehearsal wedding was kept and ever since then, we came here as much as we could.

It was cold and it was snowing tonight. I was wearing a grey pea coat over my red holiday dress but only because my mother said people would think I was suicidal if I stood in the cold with an apathetic expression on my face and no winter jacket. I wasn't suicidal, I was just very sad.

Leah was still disappointed though she still called often. I had spoken to her just a few hours ago and she didn't say anything about coming tonight. I told her where the dinner was being kept but I doubted she was coming. She was mad…

I sighed.

"Lindsey! Oh my goodness! You've grown up!" Somebody's cheering snapped me out of my self-pity. I looked up from the snowy grown to see my aunt Elorah with a nice man at her side.

"Aunt Elorah!" I pretended to be excited. I stopped leaning on the wall and walked towards her to give her a huge hug. I hadn't seen her in months. My mother's sister was an amazing woman. I welcomed her and her friend and they entered the building. It was great to know my value to this family. I was the greeter. Last time I check this was the cousin's job. I was the daughter of the host; therefore very important. I was above this job…at least I should've been.

I stood outside of the building greeting my parent's friends as much as my own old friends and friends of the family for what seemed like an eternity. I was told not to come in until someone came out and told me it was okay. They didn't want any good friends to come without being greeted by me. I was furious but nodded obediently and did what I was told with a smile on my face whenever someone approached me.

I constantly disappointed myself. I knew that I didn't deserve this. I knew I had flaws but I still thought I was an okay person. I didn't deserve to be treated this way. Why I always agreed to do these things was beyond me. It was probably because I didn't want my mom to hate me more than she already did. I didn't like psychoanalysing myself. It was a scary place.

Acting excited was pretty easy until the inevitable happened. _All _friends of the family were invited. Especially the wealthy ones.

Maxwell stepped out of a very expensive Mercedes with his rich parents by his side. They were both good looking old people. His mother's hair was still the golden blond colour I remembered from my childhood. His father on the other hand was aging with grace. His hair was getting gray but he still looked, well, hot. He reminded me of Doctor Mark Sloan on Grey's Anatomy, also known as McSteamy. I had a huge crush on him when I was younger. He was a doctor, I thought that was hot. I still did.

"Caroline! Michael! You came!" I gave the man and woman a hug. I paused momentarily to look at Maxwell. He was more than just my ex, he was an old friend gone bad. I did regret us not being friends anymore.

Before, he was just my fuck friend. I didn't have a problem with that. I didn't want a relationship and Max was "in love" with me. He was a puppet to me. I had used him. He wasn't a great person but I couldn't help but blame myself for the jerk he'd become. When it was just me and him—no Leah—life was easy. We were at each other's disposal. Ever since he found out about me and Leah, we never spoke. At first he would glare at me in the halls but as time progressed, I guess he just stopped caring.

He didn't glare at me but he also didn't have that cocky grin that used to piss Leah off. He was apathetic, kind of angry. I'd seen that face once before, when his great grandfather died. I thought he wouldn't care if his _great-_grandfather died because not much people had a strong relationship with that generation in their family. Maxwell had sucked up all his pain to show that he didn't care at all about his great-grandfather, making him look almost angry.

"Hi Maxwell," I said a little more glumly and looking at the floor like a shy pre-schooler. I hesitated to give him a hug. I guessed he hadn't told his parents about our current situation and he obviously didn't want them to know since he came.

Our hug was really awkward and I was glad when it was over. I smiled at them and told them to go inside.

Just a few seconds after I told Maxwell and his family to head inside, Max came out, "Your dad said all the guests arrived and that you should come in now."

He had startled me, I hadn't expected his voice to come from so close behind me. I hiccupped a little gasp before turning to head inside.

He held the door open for me and I looked over my shoulder, waiting for another guest. I knew Leah wasn't going to come but I couldn't help but hope. Leah was the most important person in my life now, it didn't seem right to have New Year's without her.

My throat constricted and I sighed. She wasn't coming. I wondered if she was going to spend Ney Years alone or had she driven back to La Push without telling me. It saddened me to think that Leah was alone in our small apartment eating take-out in front of our plasma screen TV watching New Years at Time Square.

"Lindsey, I—" Maxwell started.

"Lindz!" A voice called.

My heart raced in my chest at the sound of that voice. I immediately ran out of the building to find Leah. The fact I was wearing heals didn't complicate the situation at all. There wasn't anything I couldn't do with heals. I bet I could climb a mountain in Louboutins.

Leah was running too, from down the street. Her car was parked so far away. When we caught up with each other we didn't kiss or hug or anything. Part of it was because Max was right there, the other part was because we didn't have to.

"You came." I said, "I thought you were pissed and—"

"I never said I was pissed."

"I thought you didn't want to be part of my lies."

She grinned, "Well, I guess I have to get used to the fact that you're a compulsive liar because I'm sticking around."

Her grin lightened the blow but I still winced on the inside. _Compulsive liar? _Did she really think that? Ow.

I smiled and hooked my arm in hers. We walked towards the building together and the look on Maxwell's face was definitely a glare. He was scowled at Leah causing me to frown.

Leah's returning glare made him clench his fist and walk inside, letting the door swing close.

I sighed.

We entered the room and I wasn't surprised to see it astoundingly beautiful. Mother never had the place decorated the same way twice. This year the entire room was a virgin white. A white carpet covered the entire floor, the very large, main table, big enough to hold about 50, had a pure white table cloth, white chairs, white cloth hung from the ceiling making the entire room look like a piece of heaven. No one ever wanted to miss out on mother's parties. That was why there wasn't an empty seat in the room.

I clenched my fists, hating how I worshipped my mother's decorating skills. I hated that she was good at this.

No specific place was given. We sat wherever we pleased. Everyone here knew each other, with the exception of Leah. I was so drained from the last five days I just plopped in a chair next to my cousin Shantelle without saying hi to anyone else. Shantelle was a few months younger then I was, she was aunt Benicia's—my mother's younger sister's—daughter. Sitting next to her was my cousin Justin and uncle Bernie.

It was great to have the entire family here. We were a big family. My mother only had two sisters and only one of them had children but my father had eight brothers and two sisters, all of them had at _least _two children. That made up a big family. Us Jean-Paul's were a close family. The Craig half only stuck around because my dad insisted on it. I was glad he did. It was fun always having someone to call and always having a baby in the family. We only got together like this on New Year's; we were big on new beginnings.

That was what Aunt Clarice—whom I was named after and the oldest of my father's siblings—was talking about near midnight. She spoke of love and loss, our family and the blessings we had for having each other because friends come and go but family lasted forever. There was nothing that we could do that would make Shantelle any less my cousin or Kingsley and less Barbara's brother. We could hate each other but we would always be a part of each other. Because that's how god wanted it to be. Friends were important though, she liked to believe that friends were the family god forgot to give us and a true friend would be as close as a brother or a sister, even a cousin.

Aunt Clarice's speech brought tears to many people's eyes.

She ended her speech with new beginnings. Sometime we would do wrong to the people who loved us the most and sometimes it was okay. We were all human and aloud to make mistakes but an apology didn't fix anything, only _fixing _it could fix it.

I hadn't planned on doing anything drastic but tonight was as good as a night as ever. I had done the person I loved the most wrong. I could apologize and think of excuses to pardon my wrong doings but that didn't fix anything, it only made_ me _feel better. I was being selfish and for the New Year I wanted to change that. Along with good grades and making healthier decision, I wanted to be a better, honest person.

Aunt Clarice was getting help to come off her chair and sit when I stood up and patted my dress to clean it off from lint and junk. I rested my hand on Leah's shoulder so I could have balance to stand on my chair.

"Lindsey, what are doing?" Leah hissed in a low whisper.

"It's okay," I nodded and cleared my throat to catch people's attention. I didn't have to; everyone was already looking at me with happy confused expressions. Except for Leah and my mother who both looked weary. My mother's weary gaze had a hint of a sneer though. My throat closed up at the sight of her so I looked away to Jenna. She was one of the few white people attending this dinner. She was young and beautiful, dating one of my cousins.

I cleared my throat again to get rid of the lump in my throat, "Um, hi," I waved a little shyly. I had to remind myself that this was my family and I had nothing to be scared of but my heart still thrummed unevenly in my chest and my hands started to tremble. I clamped them together and concentrated on making my voice come out even, "This is the New Year, so, I just wanted to say something. Firstly, Aunt Clarice your speech was beautiful."

Aunt Clarice smiled and nodded, "Thank you, child," she murmured.

"And secondly," I went on, "I want new beginnings. I know that I'm not perfect, I know I've made mistakes but I still hope that you guys are proud of me."

A roar of approval rose and I blushed. I was happy to know that I did that much right. Most of my family was proud.

"Something that I don't think I've done enough is being honest. I can't make up for the things I did in high school—I know," I looked at my parents when I said that. Then I glanced at Maxwell who seemed to know exactly what I was referring to. He hadn't actually said no to having sex in my parent's bed. The poor guy was blushing. He was seated next to my brother who sent him a torturous glare. Next to James was his mother Brenda. She smiled when she caught me looking at her and waved excitedly. God, I loved that woman.

"But I can make up for the things I do now…As you know I was accepted into the University of Washington." There was applause of course, "And that's where I met…Leah," I said looking down at her.

Leah looked up at me in shock, "Lindsey, what are you doing?" she whispered, I didn't recognize her expression as horrified. I was glad that I'd gotten this far without fainting.

"I'm making things right, baby," I whispered then turned back to my audience, "Leah's my roommate. Thanks to her, I don't have to take the bus for an hour to get to school every morning. In the last couple of months, Leah has been an amazing friend to me—I can't even begin to tell you. Leah has done nothing but good to me and that's why I'm standing on this white chair with my dirty shoes—sorry mom."

Laughter.

"So, basically what I'm saying here is that…" I hesitated to do math in my head, not because I was nervous. All my nerves had evaporated. I could've sung naked in front of them and not feel a little embarrassed.

"Lindsey," Leah hissed in a whisper, "What are you _doing?_"

"From the first day I met Leah, I knew she was something special. Within a week, I knew that she was going to be in my life forever, two weeks I realised that I was kind of changing—a strange revelation, I guess. But we were about a month in when I realised that I was gay."

Everyone gasped but I was too sky high to hear or even care.

"Yes, I am." I said proudly, "I, Lindsey Clarice Jean-Paul Craig, am a lesbian. But not only that, I'm in love, with Leah Clearwater." I looked down at Leah who was gapping at me, "The things that go on in college, right?" I laughed, "But seriously, Leah and I are going to be together forever, we're going to maybe get married someday and—" I was abruptly cut off by the painful sensation of my arm nearly being yanked out of my shoulder socket. "Ow." I complained. I was yanked again and jumped of the chair, "What?" I hissed.

My mother was glaring at me with big angry eyes. I didn't know her face could get so red or her eyes could get so beady, but they did.

I was frozen in shock. Mother had never shown this much emotion before. She'd never been so mad before. Her hand was gripping at my wrist so hard it caused me allot of pain. I was too scared to protest when she shamefully pulled me out of the room like a misbehaving teenager. I nearly stumbled as I followed behind her, bent over so she wouldn't pull my arm off completely.

Once out of the room, she threw me aside and I almost went flying. I lost balance for a few seconds and regained it quickly. Balance was something I was great at—high school cheerleading did that.

I looked up at my mother in utter shock. I couldn't believe she'd harassed me like that. Haitians were one of the many races that believed in physical discipline but it was never allowed in my house. My mother was against it and I was daddy's little girl so he never raised a hand to me. Even Brenda believed in that form of discipline so James was raised the good old fashion Haitian way. I was kind of an outcast in that way.

Mother's glare could have burned a hole through the wall.

"Mom—"

"Don't!" She screamed , "_Do not." _She lowered her voice.

Leah came in from the door behind my mother, shock pasted on her face. She walked around my mother like she carried the plague—afraid to touch her—and came to my side, "What the hell, Lindz?" she whispered.

"No!" my mother shouted, "No one is talking." She was glaring at Leah then she went back to me, "Why? Why do you _insist _on making my life a living hell? Why do you _always_ have to shame me like that?—like _this?" _She demanded.

"Mom, I tried to tell you but you didn't listen. You never listen." I was calmer than she was. I wasn't angry yet. Right now, I just wanted to reason with her. I didn't want this day to end badly. I didn't think back to how the family was taking it. Knowing them, they were probably already gossiping and chatting about how Lindsey turned gay.

"You are an embarrassment. I tried to help you and you spat in my face. _You _make these terrible things happen to you."

"Help me? How is me telling people that I'm a lesbian—"

"That is _disgusting!_" she hissed, "It is wrong what you are doing. And _you,_" she turned to scold Leah, pointing at her with her claws, "This is _your _fault. You—"

My nightmare was happening. This was why I didn't want Leah for this. I knew that I couldn't handle mother blaming this on Leah. Once I got mad, it was almost all I saw.

I grabbed my mother wrist to stop her from pointing at Leah, "Don't even blame this on her. You _know _it's not her fault."

"So it's mine? I didn't raise this. I didn't raise you like this."

"You didn't raise me at all!" I yelled.

My mother's hands at her sides clenched into fist, "You will _not _speak to me like that, you ungrateful little brat."

My jaw dropped. That was completely false. The only reason I stuck around was _because _I was grateful for everything she had done for me. Thanks to her, I didn't have to work full time at Hooters to keep food on the table, thanks to her I could get good grades, work _and _enjoy college parties. I was so grateful.

"You don't talk to me like that you, you,"

My mother reached back and I knew what that hand was going to do. I knew I wouldn't have time to dodge it, which was why it caught me by surprise when Leah caught her hand when it was inches from my face.

"I will break this hand." Leah snarled.

My mom stared at Leah in surprise. She'd never attempted to hit me before but was sure she didn't expect to be interrupted by my girlfriend when she did. By the looks of Leah's knuckles, I figured her grip was really tight. I also noticed the slight tremor in her arm.

"Leah," I murmured, "Don't." I rested my hand on her shoulder.

Leah didn't stop glowering at my mother when her breathing deepened and she released her arm with a sigh.

"Disgusting." My mother muttered, "Why do you insist on bringing trash home?" My mother continued arguing with me. That's what she did, she prayed on the weak. She noticed Leah wasn't as helpless as I was.

"Leah isn't trash, mom."

"Why should I believe a word you say? You're stupid and young and make all these mistakes!"

"Because you're my mother! You're supposed to stick around for the good times and the bad." I was getting emotional and my voice started to strain, "All my life I've tried to make you proud. But I was never good enough but you know what? I'll never stop trying. I should stop—you don't treat me right—but I _can't _stop because I love you mom."

"No." she turned her face away and I felt tears build up in my eyes.

"Yes, mom," I grabbed her shoulders in a non-aggressive way. I just wanted her to look at me. She had to know I was telling the truth. I couldn't remember the last time I'd ever told my mother I loved her. I would have guessed never. "Mom, I love you. That's why I'm still here."

She shrugged aggressively and my hands fell off her, "Don't touch me." She seemed back to her old self, "Both of you leave. Lindsey, you're no longer my daughter. Don't call, don't visit, you're a disappointment." She turned her heals and went back into the room. She didn't slam the door shut. She was just going to go back in and host the party like nothing happened. She didn't look twice when she abandoned me here.

I didn't notice I was sobbing till Leah pulled me into a hug, "I'll murder her. That's _my _New Years revelation."

I sobbed into her chest. "No," I groaned, "This…can't…be…happening." I said between gasps. I knew this was only the beginning of everything falling apart. First I would lose my mother, my father would follow her lead and that would be the end of my big family. Without parents, the money would run out and I'd have to work full time, maybe even have to get a better job that I didn't like but paid more. With more work, that would give me less time to study which would mean slipping grades…

It was all going to fall apart.

Leah squeezed me tighter and my body relaxed just a smidge. Everything was going to fall apart, yes, but with Leah by my side. Things could get that bad.


	8. Chapter 33

**Okay, there's gonna be a flash back. It's my first for She Wolf so tell me what you think. :D**

**Chapter 33.**

Lindsey sobbed softly, gripping at the fabric on my chest.

"Shh, there, there, everything's okay," I murmured and rubbed her back. I wanted to go back into that room and grab Lindsey's mom and force her to listen and take Lindsey back. Lindsey couldn't be losing everything because of me. I wasn't going to let that happen.

My chest ached at the sound of her crying. It was an unfamiliar sound. I couldn't remember if I'd ever heard it before…the last time I'd heard felt like an eternity. Our lives were so different from how it was before. Lindsey and I were both technically "straight". I had came out a few minutes after I'd heard crying…or was it a few minutes before?

Lindsey started to sniffle and gently pushed me away. She wiped her eyes carefully, "Did I smudge?" she asked. Did she actually care about her appearance? This was most likely an act on her behalf.

"Not at all." I replied.

She nodded,"Let's go." Lindsey said and recuperated her jacket from the hangers. Her expression was emotionless, so much so it worried me. My biggest fear was that she'd have a nerves break down one day.

"Lindz, are you okay?" I asked after taking my own jacket and helping Lindsey into hers.

She shrugged me off so she could do it herself.

I didn't freeze at her remoteness towards me. She'd been through a lot. This had gone much worse than I thought possible. I thought Lindsey was being over dramatic when she claimed her parents would disown her if she came out. That was the type of stuff you saw on TV. It wasn't supposed to happen to us. We were supposed to have it easy. Hadn't we passed enough obstacles?

"I don't care." Lindsey muttered as we walked to the door. I figured she was talking to herself so I didn't bother her, "Screw them. I don't need them. They can all go to hell. All of them." Her voice cracked.

"Lindsey," we were outside and I reached to hug Lindsey.

She turned around, the same apathetic mask on her face, "I don't care, Leah, we're better off." She flipped her hair and continued towards my car.

I stopped and looked back at the building. This wasn't right. It was my fault Lindsey had lost everything. Her mom thought that and I was sure Lindsey thought it too even though she'd never voice it aloud. I should fix this. I should go back in there and explain that…that it was all a joke. That Lindsey was straight and dating Max. So what if I was Lindsey's little secret? Her parents were old, they were going to die in a few years. Or at least wait till we were done with school. I could wait that long. For Lindsey I could…

"Leah?" Lindsey was yard away. There was concern mixed with her confusion. "Are you coming?"

I nodded and started toward her and my car. My phone rang pocket. Part of me was glad for the distraction and I picked up the phone to my brother, Seth. "Happy New Year." I didn't sound very excited but it was the thought that counted.

He hesitated, "Maybe I should call back tomorrow." He pondered and little shyly.

"What's wrong?" I sighed. I wanted to hear his stupid teenage dilemma so I can solve his meaningless problems and get back to my own life.

"No, it's alright, I'll tell you later."

"Seth…" I grew suspicious. His unease wasn't normal. Maybe this wasn't just a petty problem.

"It's about Danielle—"

I sighed, "You know what Seth? You're right, I _don't _want to hear about this today." I cut him off. I was angry that he would call me on freaking _New Years _to talk about that waste of space.

"Wait, Leah!" he said a little fiercely. He had used a dominative tone. He was lucky he wasn't near me or I would have slapped him upside the head. Had he lost his mind? Telling me what to do like he was older? Just because it was a new year it didn't mean it was time to go around disrespecting your elders.

"What Seth?"

Lindsey had approached me. Curiosity etched on her face, "What did he say?" she asked.

"Look," Seth started, "I was going to call you days ago but I knew you wouldn't want to hear about it. Danielle went missing a while ago and…they, um, Sam found her…" He couldn't make himself finish his sentence. It sounding like he was going to cry, but I pushed that thought away. Why would Seth be crying over Danielle. "She's dead, Leah. They think it's suicide. I'm so sorry."

Seth kept talking but I couldn't hear any of it. I couldn't hear anything. This news had hit me hard. It wasn't like running into a brick wall and falling flat on my face. I was like having ten gallons of painfully, ice cold water poured on you unexpectedly then having the bucket tossed at you afterwards. First came the shock and then the pain was agonizing. It hurt. A lot.

"No," I breathed. Remembering Danielle's face the last time I saw her. Her face was blanched from all its vibrant colour. She had dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. She'd lost so much weight and I saw she was in trouble. Yet I did nothing. That was a cry for help. I should have been there for her.

My body started to tremble.

"Leah, what's wrong?" Lindsey asked and picked up my phone off the snowy side walk. I must have dropped it. "Seth, what's—" she gasped when Seth filled her in on the decomposing of my life. "Leah, I'm so sorry. Leah, calm down."

But I couldn't calm down. I was barely able to hear Lindsey's soothing words. My body didn't cease to shudder, which became more of a vibration. I couldn't fight it. I had been holding back too long.

"Lindsey, go home." I said through clenched teeth. I tried to hold back the tremors while Lindsey was so close but the heat kept rising. I clenched my hands into fist at my side. I tried to remember how _not _to phase, but I couldn't think of it.

"What? No! I'm not leaving you here!" She objected taking a step closer to me.

I had to calm down, Lindsey was standing so close. I didn't want to risk hurting her. In normal circumstances I probably could have fought it, but I hadn't phased in _6 months, _maybe more.

I squeezed eyes shut. The heat kept rising, "Lindsey, _back off. _Now!" I shouted. I didn't mean to sound so harsh but she had to move away.

The fierceness in my voice worked though. Lindsey gasped and jumped away from me. She had fallen back into the snow.

The second I focused on Lindsey being okay instead of not phasing, I phased. The heat filled my body completely. My body quivered more violently and I exploaded. I heard my clothes rip. My two front paws landed inches away from Lindsey's feet.

She backed away in a panic but didn't get off the ground. Her breathing came in short gasps as she looked at me, a giant, grey monster. Her mouth was wide open—her expression was one of horror—her bottom lip trembled as if she was about to scream.

I couldn't look at her anymore. I couldn't bare the terror in her face as she stared at me. I looked away in shame. I had let myself down by losing control. I jumped over a truck and started running through the streets. My feet made low _thud _sounds when they hit the snowy pavement.

I whimpered. Danielle was dead? There had to be some kind of mistake. I knew it was possible. I knew that it was entirely my fault. I could have saved her. I should have seen this coming. I wanted her out of my life forever, that was true, but I didn't want her to _die. _Not because of me. There was so much I could have done. If I had listened to everything she had to tell me. If I had answered her phone calls. If I had told her that I missed her too, that I thought about her too sometimes and it hurt that she wasn't around and that I couldn't—or rather _didn't—_call her. And now she was dead, because of me.

_That's not true,_ said Seth, interrupting my sulking. _This isn't your fault Leah. Danielle was messed up, we all knew that._

_Because of me, Seth, she was messed up because of me! _I barked. Tears started rolling down my muzzle.

I didn't pay attention to the few humans on the streets. This would surely make the new. _Giant bear rampages the streets of Seattle. _I could already see the headlines.

Was I ever going to get over this? It was bad enough that I lost my best friend but to know it was entirely, 100 percent, my fault, I couldn't imagine anything worse. Losing dad was so painful, I thought it couldn't get worse than that, but it could have. What if it were me that had caused my dad's heart attack, that would have been horrible. Or worse, what if I could've saved him when he was having his heart attack, called 9-11 or maybe even stop it from happening in the first place but did nothing, that would have been unbearable.

I felt Seth cower at the memory of our father's death.

_Sorry, _I muttered. I didn't want to think about that as much as he did. I concentrated on Danielle's death, I deserved to suffer her death. It was my fault. Danielle had even said it herself. It was my fault she was gay. If I hadn't come back throwing around the fact I was gay in everyone's faces, Danielle would still be here. She would still have a boyfriend and a life and she wouldn't have felt obligated to end it.

I should have agreed with her. It _was _my fault she was gay. Who else's fault was it? Being gay wasn't even that great. Why did I force her to be true to herself? A lot of people lied to themselves. There were countless amounts of gays around the world that got married to the opposite sex so they could have the life they imagined as a child. Was that so bad? Pretending to be something you weren't so you could have what a more innocent version of yourself wanted?

_It's not right, _interrupted Jacob, _You were trying to be a good friend. With anyone else…it would have worked._

_I should have known it wouldn't work with her. I'm her best friend…at least, I was supposed to be…_

_You tried._

_No, I didn't, _I reminded him. _When her problems got to out of control, I got annoyed and left._

_Everybody makes mistakes._

I didn't reply to that. This wasn't some stupid rerun of Hannah Montana…I watched the show once. I didn't enjoy it, though. I was just watching it with Claire. She liked that show, I didn't. The only reason I was being this defensive was because the guys were listening to my thoughts.

_I don't like Hannah Montana! _I yelled.

_Okay, okay, _Jacob said, turning his head away from my thoughts.

_Yeah, Leah, whatever, Miley Cyrus is hot. _Seth shrugged mentally.

I grimaced.

_Ew, Seth, she's, like, 5 years old, _Jacob shouted in disgust.

_No, she isn't, she's 16, almost 17. Shut up! _Seth defended himself.

_No! Both of you shut up! Don't you guys see that part of me is dying? _I whimpered. I hadn't noticed I had found my way into the woods. The trees blurred past me without me really caring. I eventually stopped, I had nowhere to go. _What happened? _I finally asked after lying on the ground. _What did she…do?_

_Leah, you don't want to—, _Jacob started to protest.

_I want to know. _I said fiercely.

Seth and Jacob contemplated silently with each other. They decided that it would be best if Seth told me. He was the first Sam had told and he knew Danielle more than Jacob did.

_These are just theories, _Seth started, he was weary. _It's kind of obvious though…she didn't do anything drastic really. She stole some sleeping pills and headed off into the woods. I think she did that because she didn't want her mother or father to find her dead in their bathroom. She didn't come home for a few nights so we all worried. Most of the town thought she'd just ran away. Of course the pack was on it and I went out looking for her too. I wanted to call you but you said to never call you about Danielle so…_

I gritted my teeth against the pain. I knew this was my fault but hearing it from someone else's mouth was painful.

Seth hesitated at my wincing, then went back to telling the story. _She hadn't been home for 2 days when Sam found her. She was miles away from La Push. She really tried to get as far away as possible. She might've hitch hiked too, she wasn't that far from the high way. Sam was the one who found her. She had her back against a tree. She almost looked like she was sleeping…if she weren't bluish and…and so pale…There was a storm so it was a bit cold…for us. It was freezing for her. Who knows what killed her? It could've been the pills; it could have been the cold. She didn't suffer though!_ He added when I coughed out a sob.

I was crying now. She was gone. How could she do this?

_She didn't even leave a note. _Jacob added, _which I find weird. Don't most suicide victims leave notes?_

My weeping came to an abrupt halt. He'd brought something to light that I had completely forgotten. The conversation was so long ago, the moment I remembered I go up and started running the other direction.

****

It was a long time ago, years ago. So long ago it was like a different lifetime. Which it was. It was a simpler time. I was a human, dad was alive, it was so long ago that I was still dating Sam. Since I was a human, Danielle and I were real best friends; we hung out every day, we'd go to each other's house without doing anything in particular.

We were sitting in my basement when the telephone rang. I gave Danielle a look, signalling that I wasn't in the mood for picking up the phone.

"I don't even live here." She had protested. She looked so young. Her face was softer, less defined, but she was still beautiful. Her hair was short back then, it reached her shoulders. She preferred it that way. She would always tease me about my long hair and ask when I was planning on cutting it and donating it to cancer patients.

I groaned and kicked her.

"Okay, okay, I'll get it. Jeez!" She rolled her eyes and crawled over me to get the phone, "Hello?" there was a pause, "Oh, hi, Rachael,"

It was Rachael Black. Jacob's sister.

"Oh, my God, really?...Shut up….No, that's terrible."

"What happened?" I whispered in curiosity. Danielle was cradling my hips. We we're 15, so neither of us really cared about how intimate the position was. Neither of us looked at each other that way. We were sisters, practically.

"Hush!" she hissed, and went back to listening.

"Danielle," I complained and pushed her off me.

She flew off me and landed on her back on the floor. "Ow,"

"Oh, my god are you okay?" I apologized, looking down at her.

She was still nodding and listening to Rachael on the phone, "Oh, yeah, totally, I'll past it on. Bye." She crawled to the phone and hung up. Danielle stood up then glared at me. "Ugh!" she exclaimed before throwing herself at me.

She pounced at me like a wildcat. The impact threw us both on the floor. We rolled on the floor for several minutes, wrestling to the point of exhaustion. I finally pinned her down, holding her face down to the carpet. I pulled her left foot over my right shoulder and she groaned.

"Ah, you bitch." She muttered.

"You can do that again and again but you'll never pin me down." I pushed her face into the carpet when she tried to struggle, "I have practice with Seth."

"Let me go." She struggled again.

"What did Rachael say?"

"I'll tell you when you release me."

I pulled on her left leg, sending a burst of pain and stretching through it.

"Okay! I'll tell you." She sighed, "Remember Bobby Nolan?"

"Uh-huh," I recalled the weird kid with the acne and the untidy, greasy hair. He was weird and no one talked to him. Rumours went out about him though; I heard his parents got divorced so he started cutting himself. He was such a weirdo.

"Well, Jenna told Veronica who told Rebecca who told _Rachael._"

"Get to it, slave." I pulled at her leg.

She groaned, "Fuck me. He killed himself."

"What?!" I let her go and rolled off her.

"Ah, you bitch," she punched me in the arm, "Yeah, he, like, hung himself in his closet or something. Ugh, what a way to go." She grimaced.

"Oh, no, Bobby killed himself."

"Yeah…he didn't even have friends. Like, nobody cares. It's kind of sad." We were both quiet. Neither of us cared for Bobby, nobody did, that made his death harder. _Everybody _felt bad because no one was sad that he was gone. No one had missed him at all. I had heard that no one went to the funeral…but that was just a rumour.

"I would never kill myself. Too much people care about me." I said.

"Me neither, or I'd at least leave a note."

"I don't know…It's a little invasive." I didn't like the idea of having my parents digging in my stuff to find a letter. What if I wrote something that I'd regret later? That would be embarrassing.

"Not if it's only you. I'd never kill myself, but if I did, I'd write a note just for you and put it in a secret spot."

"Me too. You and Sam are the only people I wouldn't be embarrassed in front of. You're my best friend."

"Love you to Leah." She smiled sweetly, then pounced on me in a lame attempt to pin me down again.

*****

Thinking back at the good old days brought more tears to my eyes. Danielle was so happy and vibrant back then. She was the funnest girl I knew. She was kind of a girlly girl but she was good at sports and watched wrestling. She was my kind of girl.

_I'm going to miss her. _Seth sighed.

Maybe it was my sadness that made me reckless, but I found myself in Danielle's backyard.The lights were still on. It was late. Way past midnight. Maybe it was 2 in the morning. Was it 3? The point was I had a message to receive. How weird was it that I had a message from a dead friend to receive?

**A/N: Danielle is based on my sister Danielle (you might even notice that in my other story **_**Crush**_**: **_**Non**__**imprinted**__**love**_**, Amber has a similar personality to Danielle because she too is based on my sis Danielle) and she was supper pissed when I decided to kill her off. She's still mad and refuses to talk about it xD **


	9. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34.**

I looked at Danielle's house from her backyard. I had jumped a countless amount of fences to get here. The blinds to her slide door were closed. I figured breaking in wouldn't be a great idea. I would have to knock at the front door and face Danielle's parents. Would they blame me on Danielle's death like I blamed myself? There was just one way to find out.

_You do realize you're naked, right? _Seth reminded me.

I frowned to myself. That was definitely a speed bump. _I'll, um—_

_Leah, they just got the news a few hours ago…they're not doing so good. _Jacob informed me, grief in his voice as well. He was sad that they hadn't found her sooner. They could have found her if they took the situation more seriously. Everybody thought Danielle had gone mad.

I growled. So this was his fault too. I was upset, making irrational decisions. I started sniffing the air to find Jacob and sink my teeth into him, and then he could tell me who had gone mad.

_Leah, _Seth was trying to sooth me as well. He was very upset about Danielle's death. Danielle and I would babysit Seth all the time when we were younger. Seth had even had somewhat of a crush on Danielle until recently. As he got older, they would harmlessly flirt. He was going to miss the way they would fool around. _Jake is right, her parents aren't doing very well. Give them time. Come home, wash off and you'll get the note tomorrow morning._

Seth's words calmed me down. He was as upset as I was. He too blamed himself for Danielle's death. If he had forced the guys to search harder, if he had listened to the little voice in the back of his head that was telling him something wasn't right, if he'd obligated me to come here and make up with her; everything could have ended differently.

His regrets made me feel a tad better. His guilt was almost as deep as mine. I didn't want him to be hurting though. I didn't want him to be hurting more than what was necessary.

_Seth, don't feel bad…_ I begged. I didn't want to feel his pain on top of my own.

_I'm sorry, _He was already crying, _Please, come home._

I sighed. It was his tears that weakened me. I couldn't stand to feel him this sad.

I jumped the fences into my own back yard. I phased back and waited for someone to let me in through the back door.

Seth opened the door for me with a robe in his hand.

I slid into it and stepped into the house with my eyes on the floor. Now that I was human again, it seemed to hurt more. My stomach twisted and heaved and my chest ached with an emotional pain that would take forever to get over. How long would it take for me to get over this?

After a nights rest, I woke up in my bed at home. I was a little disoriented, not sure how I'd gotten there. After half a second, I remembered why I was here and my chest started aching again. I curled into a ball and sobbed again for a few minutes.

I finally pulled myself together and got dressed. I didn't let my mind drift away from my main goal. I had to go to Danielle's house. I wasn't sure what time it was. It could have been late since I had sleep way past the A.M last night, but at the same time, I only had nightmares, which could have caused me to wake up earlier. I didn't really care.

My mom was downstairs making breakfast. She was trying to cheer me up. When she saw me come down the stairs, she stopped what she was doing to comfort me with a hug. I returned the gesture politely.

"Are you hungry?" My mother asked, worry pasted on her face.

I tried not to be annoyed. Why was she worried about me? It was my fault Danielle was dead and _I _was alive. "No, mom, I'm not hungry." I said after a short hesitation. My stomach felt hollow but the thought of filling it with food made my empty stomach heave.

My mom looked even more worried but nodded, "I don't understand how this could happen." She was fighting back her own tears, "She was a good girl…I don't understand how this could happen."

I grimaced at my mother's cluelessness of the situation. "Mom, I should really go comfort—"

"Ooh! You're right." She cut me off and released me, "Wait here, I made then a casserole."

I rolled my eyes. A casserole wasn't going to make anyone feel better; a casserole wouldn't bring Danielle back. Our problems were a little more complicated than macaroni tossed in a freaking pot or whatever casserole was made of.

I brought the casserole to Danielle's folks. I knocked at…Wanda and Kevin's house. It was weird to call it something other than _Danielle's House. _My throat tightened.

Wanda opened the door. She was an exact replica of Danielle except a foot shorter and twice her age. They looked so much alike that my heart squeezed a bit. Looking at her just reminded me of all I lost. I wondered how Danielle's dad was taking it, he had to look at Wanda everyday now. Of course, most couples ended up having a divorce after the death of a child. Danielle was their only kid, I couldn't imagine how hard it was for them.

Wanda's cheek were stained a dark pink. She was much as pale as Danielle was when she was sick, except her mother was naturally pale. Her eyes were pink too, due to weeping over the death of her daughter.

"Leah," she croaked, "I didn't expect you to come…" Out of nowhere, she started to cry again.

"I…I didn't mean to bother you…I just had to…my mom made casserole." I stuttered.

Wanda wiped her eyes and her husband showed up behind her. He was a big man, strong, muscular, big hands. They reached for the casserole, "Thank you Leah." His voice was hoarse as well. He wrapped his arm around him wife, "Please, come in."

We sat in their living room for a few seconds before I cleared my throat, "I…I'm _so _sorry about Danielle…I never knew something like this could happen." I wasn't embarrassed to let tears fall in front of these nice people. I really wanted them to know that, despite my absence, I really did care for Danielle.

"We…I don't even…" Kevin spluttered. He fought back tears, he didn't want them to shed in front of me.

"I, um, I actually came here to find something in Danielle's room…Is that alright?"

Kevin just nodded. He didn't look at me, as if it was my presents that was bringing these new tears to his eyes.

"Go ahead, Leah." Wanda permitted and started comforting her husband.

I didn't listen to the things she murmured to him.

I went down stairs to Danielle's room. The yellow room was so familiar to me. More tears filled my eyes with the thought of Danielle never coming back in her room again. All the sleep-over parties, the card games, jumping on the bed until Danielle fell, so many good memories. I was so afraid of losing all these memories.

I inhaled deeply and got the small bench from under her bed. I didn't want to cry some more. I hated what I was becoming. These days, I was so weak and sensitive; frankly, it was getting on my nerves. It was as if before I would phase when I was upset, it was my body's way to let out my frustration but now that I was trying to quit, it was like my emotions had to come out…the normal way. I shuddered. Were all humans this emotional? How much times had I cried today? How much time had a cried in the last couple of months? Too much was the answer.

I brought the tiny pink stool to Danielle's closet, which I opened. I knew exactly where I was looking. I stood on the stool and started feeling the top shelf in her closet. I tried to ignore her scent in the closet; I ignored how my throat tightened.

I found the big the cardboard box I had been looking for and pulled it down. I put it on the bed and lifted the lid. My heart had taken a faster pace now. What if there was nothing here...

I was looking for nothing. What I was looking for wasn't in this box. I wasn't going to be shattered if nothing was in here because I was looking just to be safe. With low expectations I could never be disappointed, therefore, never hurt.

So I told myself that the note book I was looking for was long gone. I wasn't surprised when I found it though. I pulled out the Transformers note book I got Danielle when we were 7. When all the other girls were playing Sailor Moon and PowerPuff Girls, Danielle and I were playing Transformers with our awesome figurines and we'd pretend to be Megatrons…

"Nothing, nothing," I murmured to myself as I scanned the pages. This used to be Danielle's diary when she was seven, nothing personal was written in it. There was some drawing and a few small texts in untidy writing.

_Today, mommy brought Leah and me to the beach. It wasn't raining but the sand was still wet. Leah and I made a sand castle. Leah was mad that her little brother came. He is a baby. He is very cute but I did not like when he kicked over me and Leah's sand castle. I want Seth to grow up, 3 year olds are no fun…_

The contents of a seven years old's diary. She didn't talk about her problems, she didn't have any back then, she just wrote about her day. It was quite cute. She mentioned me in most of the pages.

_Dear Diary,_

_I went to school today. I was happy because Leah and I finally got our seats together. Sadly, it didn't last long, we talked too much so the teacher made us change places. Now I sit next to Trevor. I don't like him. He picks his nose and wipes it under the table. Boys are so gross. Tomorrow I am going to be super nice and ask to sit beside Leah again. I can't believe I hated her, now, she's my bestess friend._

I smiled. I didn't remember these days at all but I was planning on keeping this. I hoped that Danielle would want me to have it. I turned the book upside down and shook it out till a folded piece of paper fell out. My name was written on it.

"It's nothing, it's nothing." I croaked silently. I couldn't breathe. I tried to regain sanity and breathe. I put down the book and picked up the folded loose leaf. It was folded in four. My hands were steady as I unfolded it.

_If you're not Leah Clearwater, then I hope you're not reading this. I actually wouldn't be surprised if no one read this letter at all. Maybe that would be best if Leah didn't read this. I don't know what I'm hoping for. If you(which is hopefully Leah) are reading this then I'm sorry. If you're reading this, I guess you cared more than I thought…_

_Leah, if by some miracle you're reading this, I want you to know that I love you. Even now, I love you. I don't hold you responsible for any of the bad things that happened to me. If I know you as much as I think, you're probably blaming yourself for my death. It isn't your fault. It's my own. At first it was bad, with the whole gay thing, but that was just the beginning. I was so confused about everything. I was angry for no reason and slept with Aaron. He's a good guy and I was wrong to use him like that._

_When you left for good, that's when I started spiralling downwards. It's not your fault, I would have left too. I was disgusted with myself for letting you down like that. The drinking was stupid but it made me forget. Sometimes I'd be so drunk that I'd forget all the crap. Aaron didn't understand what I was becoming and I refused to tell him. Of course he left too, I'm unstable._

_Do you see how I let all these things happen to me Leah? This isn't your fault, but mine, all mine. Everything got so bad that I didn't know how to fix it. And then I met a guy that had some great E._

The paper was crinkled with tears. The ones she cried while writing this and the ones I was shedding.

_Writing this is harder than I thought. I'm basically reminding myself why I hate me so much. I can't stand the person I've become. I hate her so much. She doesn't deserve to live. I'm doing everybody a favour. Leah, I hope you don't think less of me, I'm just so tired. I can't handle any of this anymore. I'm exhausted. That's why I'm ending it all. It hurts to wake up in the morning and disappoint everyone, including myself._

_I'm sorry I did you wrong. You deserved better. Be happy for the both of us. Marry Lindsey and have plenty of babies with me(adopt a few or have them injected in you or whatever, I wasn't really listening). She's a beautiful girl; she deserves you, not me and I like her. She spoke to me in the bathroom the other day and her face would just glow at the mentioning of your name. Do you have any idea how much she loves you? Obviously more than I do. You two are going to be the next Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi._

_I think I've said everything. Goodbye Leah, I love you. Forever._

_Love, Danielle Renée._

I couldn't hold back my sobs.


	10. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35.**

Jacob offered to drive me home and I gladly accepted. I was in no rush to get home, I wasn't in rush for anything, I wanted to take things slow. If anything happened to fast, I might get surprised and burst into tears again.

Jacob was the perfect person to drive me home. He didn't mind talking to me and he also didn't mind the silence. Seth wouldn't have been able to stay quiet for this long. He was also too sensitive. Jacob was the perfect person for me to be with at the moment.

Being stuck in a car with him for hours wasn't as annoying as I thought it would be. He let me think when I needed to.

It was very dark out when we finally got to the tall, apartment building. I could barely wait to see Lindsey. I hadn't spoken to her since New Year's night. I hoped she wasn't too hurt by my absence. I also hoped that, by some miracle, she had worked things out with her parents.

"Thanks," I said to Jacob when he parked at the curb.

The car was silent for a few seconds, then he spoke, "I'm really sorry, Leah. We could have stopped this. I could have saved her." He looked into my eyes. He was so sincere.

I smiled at him. It was nice to know he cared this much about my feelings and the things that made my world seem like it was ending, "Jake, we all could have saved her." I grimaced at that thought. There were so many different ways for this not to have happened.

I opened the car door and put a foot out into the snow. I realised how late it was. Jacob would be driving for hours. He'd been nothing but good to me lately so I reluctantly offered for him to stay the night with me in Lindz. I wasn't in the mood for company but I wanted to be polite.

Jacob heard and saw my reluctance, "No, I'm good." He nodded.

"Do you want a coffee or something? Lindsey probably cooked something nice." I pressed.

"No, Leah, I'm fine. You go back to Lindsey and get better." He smiled before driving off.

I started towards my apartment, eager to see Lindsey. I hadn't really thought of her that much. I couldn't get my mind wrapped around anything that wasn't Danielle. I was so heartbroken and stressed for the last 24 hours, I couldn't wait to be distracted by Lindsey. I wanted to think of something other than the funeral that would be in 2 days. I was surely going, whether I was bringing Lindz or not was the question. Would it be appropriate? Would Danielle have wanted her there? Danielle didn't hate her but still…

I entered the apartment. The tree wasn't up anymore. Lindsey had her back turned to me and humming in the kitchen. She was leaning on the stove and facing the fridge.

I hurried to her.

She gasped when she saw me. Her iPod was in her ears and Remy was in her hands. She yanked out one of her earphones and her expression changed to relief, "Hey," she was surprised, "I didn't expect you back for a few days. How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"I haven't seen you since…you phased—is that the word?"

"Yeah," I nodded a little embarrassed, "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Yeah, I shit myself."

I grimaced, "Really?" That sounded pretty realistic but really gross. I didn't want to know the honest answer if she had. Major turn off.

"No, I didn't. But I peed a little." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. She was still spooked.

I couldn't help laughing. It felt nice after the 24 hours of horror, sorrow, tears and heartbreak. It was a big contrast of feelings.

"I'm sorry about Danielle." She smiled sheepishly. A nervous habit of hers. Laughing under uncomfortable circumstances was also a bad habit of hers. If it were anyone else it would really anger me but with Lindsey, I thought it was kind of cute. I didn't like that I was making her nervous though.

"I'm fine," I lied and opened up my arms, "Could you just come here please." I had to fight back tears again. I couldn't really tell why. All these emotions were so…_emotional_. I hated being far from La Push and Danielle but, as usual, being with Lindsey just felt right.

"Oh! Uh," she looked down at Remy and around herself not sure what to do. She placed our guinea pig on the floor and gave me a hug. I squeezed her tight and kissed her hair. This was exactly what I needed. She made me feel warm and peaceful and happy.

We kissed, put Remy back in his cage and I took a hot shower. When I went in my room, Lindsey was already in a holed T-shirt as a pyjama. I threw on a similar get up and jumped in my bed and crossed my legs.

Lindsey crawled behind me and started rubbing my shoulder, adding pressure to all my tightest spots."Do you want a massage?" she offered and quickly added, "I know you're tired, we don't have to do anything else."

I was shocked by what she was saying. Did she really think that there was something in this world that could make me not want to make love to her? That was ridiculous."What are you—"

"Shh…" She hushed, adding more pressure to my shoulders, "Don't worry, Lee. Take off your shirt and lie down on your stomach."

I did what I was told. I wasn't in the mood to argue. I never wanted to argue ever again.

Once Lindsey rubbed oil on my back, I felt myself melt into a puddle. I had been much tenser than I thought. I couldn't help moaning.

"That's right, baby. You just relax." Lindsey murmured. She was sitting on my butt to have access to my entire body. She took such good care of me. It wasn't hard to think only of Lindsey. She was my forever.

"Did things work out with your family?" I asked drowsily. I had completely forgotten that Lindsey's life had crumbled just a few minutes before mine had on New Years.

"Um, no, not really. But my dad called."

"Oh, what did he say?" I didn't sound as intrigued as I really was. I really wanted to know how things were going but I was exhausted and Lindsey was putting me to sleep at the moment.

"I'm going to pick up my stuff tomorrow. He thinks it's best if we don't see each other anymore but that he'll call."

I was suddenly very alert. The only person I could feel bad for after all I'd been through was Lindsey. I always had room for compassion and sympathy for her. "Lindz, I—"

"Don't worry about me. Nobody died." She reminded me, "I'm a big girl. I don't need them."

I frowned, "Lindsey don't—"

"Ugh, now you're stressed again." She started rubbing my "tense" spot which was starting to be a load of bull.

I wasn't tense I was worried. I had the right to be worried! Not to mention, I hated when she cut me off like that. Couldn't she make me finish a sentence? I had been through a lot lately. I would much rather listen to her problems than wallow and think of my own. Why would she think I wanted to relax? Did she even know me?

"Leah…" Lindsey squeaked, "W-why are you shaking?"

"Huh? Oh," I hadn't realised how upset I was. I quickly calmed down and concentrated on Lindsey making circular motions between my shoulder blades. I fell asleep quickly.

The next morning I woke up in an empty bed. I frowned when I found Lindsey wrapped in a thick comforter on the floor sleeping as if this were normal. I shook her shoulder and she woke up right away.

"Yeah?" She looked wide awake, "Are you hungry? Is that it?"

"Why are you on the floor?"

She smiled, "You toss in your sleep when you're uneasy. You sort of kicked me off." She giggled and got up. She was in jeans and a T-shirt. I was confused. I couldn't understand why she was fully dressed. She noticed my confusion and sighed, "I hope you don't mind that I stole your car this morning to get my stuff by Debby and John's…well, I'm not going to call them mom and dad. They've made it pretty clear that they want nothing to do with me."

"Lindsey…" I started getting up so I could comfort her.

"I'm fine. How are you? When's the funeral? Are you going?"

My eyes widened at how eager she was to change the subject, "Uh, it's tomorrow and yeah, I'm going."

She nodded, "Um, do you want me to come?" she asked hesitantly and looked around, unable to keep eye contact at the moment.

I nodded with a grimace, "Mm-hm," I muttered. The last funeral I had gone to was my father. One of the worst days of my life. It was a terrible atmosphere. Everyone was so dark and crying over something I had been crying over for days. I couldn't even cry at his funeral. I was all cried out. When I watched them put him in the ground it was like they were burying a part of me. I hated how we gave out one flowers to everyone and dropped in his hole. I hated how I had to pick up a shovel and drop dirt in my father's grave, then watch all our friends and family take turns doing it, one by one. That was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. When I threw dirt in his grave, I was saying goodbye to him. Once he was down there, he was gone.

"Leah," Lindsey sighed and climbed into bed with me. She brushed my hair out of my face leaving the skin on my cheek tingling. "I'll come."

I took her hands and held it tight, "Thanks."

"Hey, no problem." She leaned forward to kiss my lips.

My heart fluttered. Kissing Lindsey was like my own personal escape. I held her face close to mine. My lips started to burn and my breathing accelerated.

"Woh, Lee, it's the morning." Lindsey giggled.

She was lying on top of me now. I hadn't notice that I'd pulled her so close to me. "I'm up for it." I tangled my fingers in her hair and pulled her closer. Her breathing became erratic as well.

She got under the cover and straddled me. She kissed my chin and my throat and back up to my ear, leaving a trail of goose bumps and tingly skin. My head started spinning. I couldn't breathe. I would never get used to being with Lindsey. I would never get tired of her.

She giggled and sat up. She pulled her shirt over her head, revealing her perfect body and her supple breast contained by her brown bra. There was something odd on her right side. Black curves and lines.

"Lindsey, what's this?" I let me finger trail down her side, tracing the black linings. I barely touched it, afraid it was some kind of infection.

Lindsey smiled, "I forgot to tell you." She got off of me so I could see her side more clearly.

I didn't even gasp when I saw my name cursively written on her waist. It was also surrounded with vines, flowers and butterflies but the main focus was my name. _Leah._

I let my fingers trace over my name. I blinked hard, thinking that I was hallucinating and it would vanish, but my name remained tattooed on Lindsey side. The contour of the letters and the decorations around it had slight blemishes of pink. "This must have hurt."

"It wasn't that bad."

"Does it hurt now?" I asked, not pressing to hard as I followed the lining. It was so beautifully done.

"Not that much. It used to sting but it's been over a week so…"

"Wow," I breathed. Lindsey would have this for the rest of her life. A tattoo this size could never be removed. Was she even aware of how permanent this was? Only Lindsey would do something this stupid. Tattooing a lovers name on your body is a _major_ no-no. I laughed softly though what I really wanted to do was cry, for so many reasons.

This was the most _stupid _and _irresponsible _thing I'd ever seen. How could someone not think of the outcome of something like this? What if we broke up? Lindsey would be stuck with my name tattooed on half her body. What would her next boyfriend think? That was why I was laughing. So stupid.

Then I realised how sure Lindsey was about us. She wouldn't have done this if she didn't think she'd be mine forever. She wanted me as much as I wanted her and this was her way of proving it. No matter what happened, we'd always be together because nobody else is going to want her with her ex's name written on her waist.

"Merry Christmas." Lindsey and cupped my face to kiss my lips, "I love you, Leah," she whispered, holding my face close to hers and pulled me on top of her, "I love you forever and always." She giggled.

"What?" I didn't get what was funny out of her touching statement. My insecurity rose but I pushed it away. She was laughing about something else surely.

"How gay did I just sound? Quote Taylor Swift, why don't I?"

"Shut up." I said before crushing her lips with mine and making love to her like it was our first time again.


	11. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36.**

**2 months later…**

Things were going great! Between me and Lindsey, anyway. We were happy with each other, school started and we were finally distracted from our family tragedies. Danielle's death still haunted me and I never really _stopped _missing her. I never would and I learned to accept that. Danielle's death might never stop hurting but I'd learn to live around the emptiness her death filled me with. If I ever felt overwhelmed, Lindsey was always there for me to talk to and I loved that I could rely on her like that.

Lindsey was better than I thought she'd be. She really meant it when she said she didn't need her parents. Apparently, a few months ago she decided to put some money away _just in case. _Financially, we were fine, we didn't have to hold back as much as we feared we'd have to since the money Lindsey's parents would send wasn't coming in. Lindsey could stick to the part time working until summer came then go back to saving. She didn't bother to ask her parents if she was still getting her trust fund money, she didn't bother talking to her parents at all and I was fine with that. They didn't deserve her. Her father was the only one who made an attempt to call either late at night or early in the morning when Lindsey's mom was sleeping.

Lindz dodged his calls.

What surprised us was how James called regularly—at least, as much as he used to before he caught us in a compromising position. He didn't bring up her being gay or even New Year's night, he would just bicker with her like nothing happened and that made Lindsey feel almost like things were back to normal. Her brother's phone calls would really make her day until her father ask for the phone.

After spring break, Lindsey was kind of bitter that we couldn't afford to go to Mexico, Florida or somewhere hot and sunny so she could show off her tattoo in a skimpy bikini. I couldn't help feeling a little bad, I couldn't provide for her that well. That only lasted a few days, she couldn't mope over being "poor" forever.

She was actually getting used to it once spring arrived. She stopped looking at expensive clothes in fancy boutiques and bought things she knew we could afford. She was actually being _really _responsible and started thinking that she might be able to save up for a car as well.

Lindsey and I were perched on the sofa, our noses deep into our studies with Oprah on mute when the door buzzed.

"Are you expecting someone?" Lindsey asked.

I shook my head, "Uh, no…"

"Hmm, weird." She got up and skipped to the intercom, "Hello?"

"Ah, Linny, you are home." sighed the responder. The thick accent was unmistakable.

I looked up at Lindsey who's heart was beating quicker and was frozen in front of the small intercom, her hand pressing the button as if she intended on responding.

"What do you want dad?" she asked sadly, looking at the floor in defeat.

"Lindsey, I—" he sighed and replied to her in Creole to which I spaced out.

I got up to stand next to Lindsey.

"Now you care dad? You can't just do that." Lindsey didn't pay attention to me. She just listened intently to the foreign language her father was speaking in. I could hear the apology in his tone alone, maybe even some regret but I didn't care. Lindsey and I were done with them. I was supposed to keep her strong and pissed off at her parents.

Lindsey sighed, "Okay," she buzzed him in.

"What are you doing?" I hissed in disbelief.

She shrugged, "I don't know…If I'm not going to see him…I might as well say it to his face…"

"That makes no sense."

"Leah…"

"Lindsey, you have to grow a back bone."

"I do have a back bone!"

"Just keep in mind that this guy is a jerk who abandoned you because he didn't like who you really are. Who you _still_ are. You're lesbian and he hates that."

"I know. I know, it's just—"

John knocked at our door and both our heads whipped towards the knob. I was ready to answer the door and tell him to get the hell out but Lindsey pushed my hand away so she could answer.

She cracked the door just enough so her so-called father couldn't see me on the other side. It wasn't because she was ashamed of me, she just didn't want me to intervene. She must have forgotten that I could easily pull the door open if I wanted to. "Hey, dad…" she greeted shyly.

"Lindsey, I am so sorry, you know I love you, it is just—"

"I know, dad. It's just that mom doesn't approve. She's your wife. She comes first. I get it."

"That…That may be true but Lindsey, I don't want to lose you. You are my daughter."

I hated that he was coming up with excuses. That was just bull shit after bull shit. I didn't give a damn that his wife was his wife and she came first. You don't abandon your daughter in her time of need like that. Lindsey looked up to her father for protection and guidance and did he ever give her any of those things. Not lately.

"Apparently I'm not Debby's daughter. Doesn't that bother you?" She was acting like she didn't care but I could hear the hope in her voice. The hope that it _wouldn't _matter at all. It saddened me that life wasn't that simple. Things usually always went her way and it killed me that she might not be getting that anymore.

"What your mother does not know cannot upset her."

Lindsey winced.

"Okay," I said, having heard enough. I pulled the door open and John seemed surprised to see that I was right here, listening in the whole time, "John, with all due respect, Lindsey really doesn't need this. If you're ashamed of her then, frankly, she doesn't need you. Nothing's wrong with Lindsey and when you can see that for yourself and stand up to your wife that's when you can visit. Thank you. Goodbye."

Lindsey's face was still turned away from us, she didn't object to anything.

John's eyes widened then he nodded. "Okay, goodbye then." He turned around and I watched as he started to leave, "But, darn it, what will I do with that BMW?" he sighed dramatically, speaking to himself.

Lindsey's head snapped up and she glared at her father's back in confusion.

"Debby is going to kill me when I come home with a _new_ _car_ that I do not need."

"I…" Lindsey croaked.

Her dad looked over his shoulder with a curious glance. "Yes, Linny?"

She cleared her throat, "You're bluffing."

I squinted, wondering what this old man was up to or if he had lost his mind. Who buys a car that they didn't need? That was a little stupid. It never crossed my mind that he was trying to buy Lindsey back. She would never fall for something like that. She was smarter than that.

"Am I now?" he didn't face us as he pulled out shinny, silver keys out of his pockets. "James already has a car and, well, I'm pretty sure my youngest daughter needs a car…"

"Nice try." I scoffed, "Lindsey isn't falling for—"

"Oh! Daddy!" Lindsey squealed shoving me aside and jumping on John to give him a huge hug.

John laughed and hugged her tight, spinning her around. I was impressed by his strength and a little baffled.

"What?" I said, "Lindsey, you can't just give in. That's what he wants!" I frowned at her as she bounced while her father placed the keys in her hands.

"Oh, Leah, he means well." She waved me away, "Where is it daddy?"

"Downstairs." His grin widened.

She shrieked, "Holly crap!" she ran in the house and kicked on some shoes and raced down the hall to go down the stairs.

I glared at John as walked on her trail.

I wanted to be happy for Lindsey—she was getting her father back, that was supposed to be good. But it _wasn't _good because he still didn't accept her. He wanted a relationship with her _until _his wife would find out and flip over a couch. And Debby _would _find out. You could only fool around behind somebody's back for a certain amount of time before getting caught.

What kind of future with Lindsey did he have in mind if he was never planning on telling his wife about their relationship? Eventually, Lindsey was going to find out that her father was ashamed of what she was and she'd be heartbroken. _Again_. He didn't have to put her through this.

I sighed and kicked on some shoes as well. I grumbled about how ridiculous this was the whole time I walked down the stairs.

Lindsey was squealing and jumping like a little girl around the shiny new BMW. _Her_ shiny new BMW. The one her father bought her instead of apologising for being a spineless, selfish and _terrible _dad.

"Leah! Look! Look! Look!" Lindsey's face was glowing with sheer excitement and happiness. My heart swelled at the sight of how devastatingly beautiful she was. She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the car. She shrieked, "Could you believe it!" She skipped around. "I am so loving my new _B-M_ double_ U_! Aah! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you Daddy!" She hugged her father again.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms and waiting for this to pass.

Lindsey jumped into her car and bounced on the leather seat and ran her finger over the leather steering weal before screaming again. She checked out the sound system and the rear-view mirror…

She asked me to come in but I shook my head. I wanted nothing to do with this. We were supposed to be living independent lives and she was ruining it. But it wasn't the car that was bothering me though, it was the fact that she accepted it. I couldn't really explain to myself _why_ I was mad but I was. I had that right.

"Test drive with me daddy?" She asked, her voice taking its daddy's-little-girl tone and her eyes sparkling with so much hope and excitement, she looked 10 years younger.

I pressed my lips together to keep myself for smiling at her. I wanted everyone her to know I was pissed. If I were a baby, I'd be throwing a tantrum. I looked at John who was standing next to me instead of sitting inside the car with Lindsey.

"Yes, please, Linny. You're mom will finish work soon and I don't want her suspecting anything."

Hurt flashed on Lindsey's face at his words and _this _was why I didn't approve him being here because of _that _expression. Lindsey didn't have to witness her dad's shame towards here, she was aware of that without him having to remind her by being here. Once I blinked, that face—the pained, heart shattering expression—was no longer there. I knew I saw it though, because I had seen it coming.

Lindsey smiled and nodded, her expression so thrilled I could hardly tell that she was suffering, "Sounds good! Hop in! You coming, Leah?"

I frowned and shook my head. She should let him walk! She could forgive him for what he didto her—for what he's _doing _to her—but I was not stepping into a car with him—I was not giving in. "Got to study." I grumbled and started walking towards our apartment. I slammed the door shut behind me and started pacing around the sofa.

I was so sick of drama and John's coming back and not being okay with my and Lindsey's lifestyle was drama and then some. I was so sick of it! Life was finally getting back to normal and now _this _had to happen. Lindsey's weakness was starting to get on my nerves. She had to learn to stand up to her parents!

I must have been passing for a long time because I wasn't even half done grumbling and complaining when Lindsey stepped in.

She grimaced, "Mad?"

"Uh, yeah!" I rolled my eyes and continued pacing, "Lindsey, come on, you can't just let him off that easy."

"Leah, he's my father, he means well." She sighed, watching me make circles around the couch.

"No," I shake my head at her, "If he meant well he would have told your _mother _that he was coming to see you."

"Why does she have to know?"

I stopped to yell, "Because she's your mother!" and I started pacing again.

Lindsey rolled her eyes, "I know that, Lee, and I don't care."

"Oh, you will care, Lindz, you just wait."

"Leah your—please stop doing that you making me dizzy." I walked up to her and stopped less than a yard away, "Thanks. Leah, he's my _father._"

"Here we go!" I threw my hands in the air and walked away from her. I was so fed up with that excuse. That wasn't an excuse!

"Well, he is Leah and I love him. I don't want to lose him."

I turned around, "You're going to lose him, Lindz! He can't lie forever! This is going to blow up in your face! And when it does, your _daddy _isn't going to be here to pick up the pieces like he's supposed to."

"No it won't, Leah. Have a little faith."

"That is _not _what we need." I shouted holding back on a lot of things. We didn't need faith, we didn't even need a miracle, all we—well, _she—_needed was for her father to grow some balls and tell her mother to stop being a stuck up bitch. That might have come off a little harsh though.

"He got me are car!" she tried to lighten up the mood but I couldn't be happy for her, "Leah, you know I really wanted a car and he's my—"

"I know he's your father!" I sighed and walked up to Lindsey. I took her face in my hands and looked her in the eyes, momentarily getting lost, "Lindsey," I spoke softly, "I just…I don't want to see you hurt again."

"I'm not giving back the car."

I sighed, "This isn't about the car…it's about what the car _represents. _Your father thinks he could treat you however he likes as long as he gets you nice things."

Lindsey just looked at me. She didn't open her mouth but the desperate look in her eyes made it clear that she was thinking that he _could _do that. She'd rather have that than nothing. And she _did _really like her shiny red BMW.

"Lindz—"

"I love him and I won't stop seeing him for your pride." Her voice came out struggled and her eyes filled with tears.

I wanted to frown but Lindsey sadness made me feel numb, "This isn't about pride." I whispered.

"Well, whatever it is…It's your problem and not mine." She pulled her face away and wiped away her tears before they could spill. She walked towards her bedroom and didn't look over her shoulder when she said, "Friday, I'm going to my father's office for lunch. You're welcome to join us."

That night, Lindsey and I slept in separate bedrooms for the first time in months.


	12. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37.**

I didn't go to Lindsey's little lunch. It wasn't because I was completely against it—even though I was—it was because I wanted to use the rest of the afternoon to study some of the things I didn't quite get.

I was making myself a sandwich when Lindsey came in through the door, her cell phone pressed against her ear and laughing. She hung up and smiled at me, "Hey Leah. What's up?"

I shrug and finish my sandwich, "Snack."

Lindsey smiled and walked up to the counter to give me a kiss on the cheek. She started taking of her jacket and hung it on a chair, "I don't know why, but I'm extremely tired."

"Does that mean you want to nap in the car or leave tomorrow morning?"

"Hm?" Lindsey was walking towards her room and she glanced over her shoulder.

"We're going to La Push for the weekend, remember? We haven't gone in a while…" I reminded her, a bit confused that she'd forgotten. We hadn't gone to La Push in nearly a month.

"Oh, yeah. I'm not going." She shrugged and went in her room.

My jaw dropped and I stared into blank space as she started playing with Remy as if she hadn't just ruin my whole weekend in three words. I watched her, waiting for her to say she was joking but she just pulled Remy out of his cage and started hugging him and murmuring sweet things to him.

This scene sort of pissed me off. She couldn't just _dismiss _me like that. "Uh, Lindz? May I ask why?" I walked towards her bedroom.

She glanced up at me, "My mom's got an important case in Denver so I'll be spending the weekend with my dad." She smiled as if this was tremendous new, like she expected me to be happy that the only way she could spend the night at her parents' house was if her mom wasn't aware.

I opened my mouth to argue with the fact that this _wasn't _tremendous news. This just showed that in the last week she hadn't made _any _progress with her family. But instead of saying something I might regret, I bit my tongue, sighed and rolled my eyes. "Whatever then, I need a vacation anyways." I muttered.

Lindsey sighed, "Leah, don't be like that."

"Like what?" I demanded, not believing that she thought _I _was the one with the problem. She had to be pulling some sick joke because I didn't have a problem. My only problem was that I was frustrated and worried.

"Like _this._" She gestured towards me, "All negative and—and _this._" She rolled her eyes, "Why can't you just—Never mind, I don't expect you to understand." She put Remy back in his cage and jumped out a bed, pulling out her human psychology book and ignoring my presence.

"What do you mean _you don't expect me to understand_?"

Lindsey sighed, "Forget about it. I didn't say anything."

"Lindsey, tell me. Tell me what you don't expect me to understand?" I stepped into her room and leaned against her wall, crossing my arms in front of my chest to make her know that I had all day.

She looked up from her book to frown at me. I didn't budge so she put a bookmark between her pages and slammed the book shut, "Your family's perfect." She said.

I raised an eyebrow. That was hardly an argument and it was hardly true.

"And I'm happy for you—I really am—but my family, well, despite our perfect exterior, we're not exactly perfect. I mean sure, we're a long lines of doctors and dentists and successful artists of various sort but that's just for show. Below the surface, we're not as perfect as you _amazing _Clearwater's." She rolled her eyes, "You guys are so perfect with your _unconditional love _and your _caring about each other no matter what, _it's all so…perfect!"

"I thought you liked that about my family?" I asked, wondering if she might have had something to drink because she wasn't making any sense. "That's the way a family is _supposed _to be."

She rolled her eyes, "You see! There you go again. Just because you guys love each other unconditionally it doesn't mean that every other family has to." Lindsey saw that I didn't understand her meaning. She sighed in defeat, "My whole life, my family—the Craig part as much as the Jean-Paul part—has been all for show. Daddy's a dentist and my mother's a surgeon, James is going to be a famous artist, my uncles are engineers…We're a successful family. We _look _so good. We're all good looking and smart and rich. We all concentrate on looking good on the outside that we completely forget about actually _loving _each other for who we are instead of what we've accomplished. We're _perfect_"—she made air quotes—"from the outside. We've always been. And I'm sorry to break it to you but…me being a lesbian kind of pisses on everything we've worked so hard for."

I frowned, not expecting her to say it so directly. I couldn't help glaring at her because that was the most ignorant thing I'd ever heard her say. I desperately hoped that she didn't think of our relationship like that—a steaming cup of piss poured on her families _perfect_ record. I definitely noticed how she used the word _we _instead of _they _and in the present tense.

"Nice Lindz, real nice." I muttered.

She didn't acknowledge my anger, "But that's not fair! To me I mean. What you and I do behind closed doors is nobody else's business but our own and for them to hate me because of that…well it's not fair." She paused for a second to fight back tears. I wanted to go over to her and make her feel better but I was still a little upset about the piss reference. "_I _loved _them _though. I still do and I know that _they _loved me, it just wasn't unconditional. But Leah…" she looked up at me so we could lock eyes. Her brown eyes peering into mine, forcing me to sympathize for the tears that were building up, "When I spend the day with daddy and James…it _feels _like unconditional love. I mean, they _know _that I'm gay but they still call me and ask me to come over. I know that once mom—I mean Debby—finds out I'll be back at the beginning but just having those perfect moments…"

"It's not real Lindz…"

"What if it were your dad?" she asked.

My body jerked unexpectedly, this had nothing to do with my father. And if it _were _my dad, he wouldn't have ditched me like her dad had.

"What if you could have him back, just for a little while; hear his words, feel his arms hugging you in that way only a father can? Even if you knew it was temporary, would you say no? Because it would hurt too much when he left? I know it might end and I know it won't feel good but Lee, I can't. _He's my father._"

I wiped away the one tear that had found its way out of my tear ducts. I wasn't okay with this but if that was the way she saw it then I wasn't going to make this harder for her. "Okay," I sighed, my voice coming out a little struggled and I cleared my throat.

"Okay?"

"You're right Lindsey and I'm sorry."

Lindsey smiled, "Thanks for understanding. He's a great guy, Leah, and I know you thought so too. Give him another chance."

I grimaced. I didn't want to upset her but I didn't want to pretend like he wasn't planning on leaving. I wasn't a huge fan of denying what was right in front of me and pretending Lindsey's dad was this _amazing_ guy would require acting classes.

"He wants to see you again, Leah. He wants me to formallyintroduce you as my girlfriend."

I raised an eyebrow, "Did he really say that?"

She chewed on her lip before nodding, "He didn't say it _exactly _like that but he does want to meet you again." She smiled and got off her bed to take my hands and flutter her eyelashes pleadingly, "Lunch tomorrow with daddy and James? Pretty please, Leah? Pretty please?" she batted her eyelashes and begged with her gorgeous eyes.

I wanted to say no—I wanted to say _no way in hell_—but Lindsey's face looked so unnaturally breathtaking even with its sad, pleading expression. I couldn't even think about not giving her this one little thing.

"Damn you." I muttered and grabbed her face. I crushed her lips with mine making her heart rate quicken.

She gasped at the sudden intensity of our kiss. Her fingers came up to up to my jaw and slid down my neck leaving a trail of hot, tingly skin. "Is that a yes?" she asked, pressing her forehead against mine to regain her breath.

"When have I not given you what you want?" I said, pulling her lips back to mine and walking us to her bed. We fell on her mattress causing Lindsey to giggle.

"Well…" she pondered as I kissed down her jaw, "How about when—"

I pressed two fingers on her lips and looked into her eyes. Her eyes widened and she appeared completely hypnotized and dazed by my gaze, "No more talking, okay?"

She nodded and stretched her neck to reach my lips. I quickly complied and kissed her more tenderly. Lindsey kicked her psychology book of the bed, knowing we'd need all the room we could get.

The next day, Lindsey and I went to her parent's house without any bitching on my behalf. We rode in her shiny red BWM and Lindsey gushed about how amazing her car was and how happy she was that I was coming—but she mostly gushed about her car.

I tried not to mope, which was easier than I thought it would be. I knew it would upset her if I showed just how much I _didn't _want to be there, so I pasted a smile on my face and knocked at the door like I actually wanted to be there.

Lindsey unlocked the door with her key before anyone got to it.

I looked at her curiously, recalling how upset she was when her mother took her keys from her when she had collected her belongings from their house.

Lindsey saw my expression and smiled, "Daddy gave them to me. This one has puppies on it!" she opened the door and looked around cautiously before stepping inside. She didn't holler out her presences like she usually did when she came home after a long absence. Her heart was beating faster for a reason I couldn't decipher.

"Don't look so scared, Lindz," James came in from the dining room with a grin on his face, looking as handsome as the last time I saw him. His caramel skin was free of all blemishes, his hair was starting to grow and I wondered if he was planning on growing an afro, it would look good on him. "Debs left an hour and a half ago and whether the report is clear so her flight should be in check. Oh, hi Leah. You came…Awesome." He nodded and his pale cheeks spotted a little pink.

"Daddy wanted to meet my…girlfriend." Lindsey looked away as if she was blushing too.

"You guys are a couple now. Weird."

I frowned at his comment even though I should understand that it would be hard for him to adjust to this news. All his life his little sister brought home boys and all of a sudden she was into girls. I guess it was _kind of _weird.

"I know." Lindsey laughed nervously and pulled me towards the entrance to the dining room where the smell of food got stronger. She took her brother's hands and kissed his cheek.

Lindsey's dad was slaving over a hot stove like he usually was when I came over.

Lindsey inhaled the air, "Yum, daddy, did you buy patties?"

John turned around and smiled at his daughter, his smile widened when he spotted me by her side, finger entwined with hers. "I figured Leah's never had any. Did I guess right?" His question was directed to me.

I was glaring at him and had to blink twice to snap out of it and answer his question, "Yeah, never had any." I shrugged, not really in the mood for conversation with _him _of all people.

"Well, you guys sit down in the dining room and I'll get the food to you."

"I'll help daddy." Lindsey let go of my hand and skipped to her father's aid.

I sighed to myself and went to the dining room and pulled out a chair for me. I sat down and took my phone out of my pocket, texting Seth with a quick _hi _and _sup? _

"Hey, sup?" James sat down so he was facing me.

I smiled out of politeness and went back to my cell phone, waiting for Seth to reply. I wasn't in the mood for conversation, not with John, not with any member of Lindsey's _family_.

"My sister's a lesbian because of you." He said in a conversational tone.

I looked up to glare at him and I was about to yell something extremely rude and unnecessary but Lindsey was in the other room and also, James's face wasn't accusatory, he wasn't attacking me or looking for a fight.

His brows were pulled together with his morbid curiosity. "I know I'm a bad brother." He whispered so Lindsey wouldn't hear, "I guess I should have known. There wasn't a thing I couldn't tell Lindsey—I mean _not one thing _that I couldn't tell her. She was like a bro, you know?" he paused for me to say something but I was weary as to where this conversation was headed. "But she was always into girly things; cheerleading, shopping, movies with Orlando Bloom and that gay guy from the O.C—"

"Adam Brody?" I guessed.

"Yeah," He chuckled, "She forced me to watch that stupid movie _In the land of women._" He rolled his eyes and shook his head at the memory, "I can make excuses for why I didn't know but in the back of my head I keep thinking _she was fine until you came along._ But I still love her because even though she's…a lesbian and all, she hasn't changed."

I smiled at him, "That's true, she hasn't changed. She still loves you guys." I sighed. "But…why were you so distant? Lindsey said that after you saw us…you were _distant._"

"Oh, seriously, it's not what you think." He grinned sheepishly and blushed, "Lindsey's in college, I thought you guys were just…fooling around. I _never_ thought it was serious but still, it was…_awkward. _Awkward as hell. I mean—do you have siblings?"

I nodded, "A brother."

"Well, imagine if you…walked in on your brother…masturbating with his guy friend nodding in approval."

I grimaced at that disturbing image and I shook my head to get it out of my mind but now it was there and I wanted to hit somebody.

James laughed, "Exactly. You wouldn't be able to look your brother in the eye for a few days. That's all that happened, I was freaked out a bit and I'm sorry you thought I was some tool who would dump his baby sister because she's a carpet muncher."

"Carpet muncher? That's a new one." I muttered but smiled to show I wasn't offended.

"So are we cool?" he reached over the table the table, towards me.

"Are you going to stay by Lindsey? No matter what?"

He nodded, "Of course, she's my baby sister. The only one I'll ever have."

I smiled. That was all I really wanted from him. I wanted him to be there for Lindsey no matter what, no matter how things went with his parents and the rest of their _family. _James was planning to stick around.

I reached for his hand and James slid his hand down my palm curling his hand around my fingers, letting them go and punching our fist together. He nodded and I guess we both got each other's approval. I never really got guys…


	13. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38.**

I wanted to be pissed and mean throughout the whole dinner but I wasn't able to. I was supposed to be mad but after a few minutes, I was just as amused and comfortable as Lindsey was.

Her positive energy was contagious. She was so happy to have us all here.

We sat at her dining table eating and laughing and talking as if nothing horrible had occurred. I completely understood why Lindsey wanted this, it was amazing, no matter how artificial it might or might not have been.

"Excuse me for a minute please." Lindsey's dad got up and pushed in his chair. He was still smiling and laughing as he made his way into the washroom. He looked genuinely happy to have us here and that made me genuinely happy that I had come. I was happy to be a part of this _family _moment.

"You're happy you came, aren't you?" Lindsey grinned mischievously, eager to rub this in my face.

I sighed.

"Just admit, Leah." Lindsey shoved my shoulder playfully.

"Yeah, admit it." James pressed, tag teaming on me like a brother and a sister should.

I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing.

"Come on, Leah, admit it." Lindsey grabbed my shirt and forced me to look at her. Her grin widening when she succeeded to move me with her human strength, "You're glad you came."

I grinned, "I'm glad I came." I pulled Lindsey's face to me and crushed her lips with mine.

Lindsey's heart started beating faster and harder and I knew it was probably painful to her. I let her go and she was gasping, her eyes and mouth wide with her hand over her heart as it slammed against her palms.

I was afraid she might be angry. I had completely forgotten that we weren't alone and that her brother was in the room, with us. I knew James was somewhat comfortable with us but kissing might have passed his limit. But I wasn't worried about harming James' innocent eyes, I was worried that _Lindsey_ was worrying about his eyes.

But Lindsey just reminded me why I loved her so much. Her lips spread into the most breathtaking smile and she giggled. She seemed a little bashful but she would survive and she wasn't angry.

"I could've gone my entire life without seeing that but whatever." James grunted.

Lindsey laughed a little harder and I sat there, mesmerized by how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have found her. I couldn't even imagine living without her laughs and smiles and her bright eyes shining at the sight of any new opportunity. Lindsey was going to be the best at something, someday. She was going to do amazing things and be successful and I got to watch her grow. I was baffled by how happy I was.

My expression went blank when I heard the sound of snow being crushed beneath someone's feet as they walked up the steps to the front door. I listened harder, wondering if it was a mail man or something. Maybe it was the rude ass people from UPS.

"Leah, what's up?" Lindsey started to worry.

"Hush," I shushed her, focussing on the sound of small, clanging metal.

Keys.

My eyes widened and I looked at Lindz. I hoped my face wasn't as horrified as I felt. I didn't want Lindsey to be afraid even though I was.

"Leah, what's wrong?"

I opened my mouth, my eyes still gaping and shook my head, "Lindz," I croaked.

"Leah?" James narrowed his dark eyebrows, "What's wr—" the boy was cut off by the sound of the front door opening.

All our heads whipped toward the door. Our heart beating simultaneously as we saw Debby's black boots step into the house. We were all frozen in fear. I don't know what James was afraid of, but I was afraid of Lindsey getting hurt and that was exactly what was going to happen.

Lindsey looked at me, her eyes panicked, "What do I do?" She whispered, begging for a way out of this sticky situation—the situation I had warned her a million and one times would happen. I wanted to kick myself. Maybe it was my negative attitude that had brought this on. I was the one that said this would all blow up in her face.

"I don't know!" I was equally uneasy and panicky.

"John! You would not _believe _what happened to me out there." Debby shouted taking of her black coat. She was in clear viewing range to us since we were looking right at her but she hadn't noticed the three of us in the dining room. "They gave my case to someone—"

We all stood up when Debby's eyes settled on us. We didn't move though. Neither of us really knew _why _we got up. To make a run for it? She had already seen us, we'd been caught red handed.

"…Else." Debby finished. She was frozen in shock, her eyes just as wide as Lindsey's.

John walked in, completely oblivious to the whole situation until his eyes rested on his wife, then the three of us. He then started taking slow and deliberate steps back. He proved himself to be the coward I thought he was. I didn't want to be disappointed but I was. Part of me thought that John was a good guy.

Debby's eyes stayed on Lindsey and her stare hardened into a full-blown glare, "John!" She barked as if she'd seen her husband in her peripheral vision even though her eyes never left either of us, "Don't even think about it!"

"Mom, I—"

"What is the meaning of this?" she demanded her husband.

John was speechless, his eyes darting from us to his wife with panic and uncertainty. He wasn't sure who to choose! Typical. I was angry but not that surprised. He would never be able to stand up to his wife.

Lindsey's dad couldn't find his voice. Was he afraid or something? He led me to believe that he was. He was pathetic. I wondered if he was embarrassed to show this much weakness in front of his son and daughter—the two people in this world who genuinely looked up to him.

"Mom—"

"You—just—zip it!" She sneered. She looked really mad—so mad, she could barely contain her anger. I could only imagine how scared Lindsey was. Debby looked like she wanted to strangle Lindsey.

I discreetly slid my hand into Lindsey's and gave her a little squeeze so she'd know that I was there for her and unlike her father, I would not back down.

"Debs..." James intervened and Debby glared at him but James did not flinch like Lindsey usually did. He stood up straight and his jaw flexed. "Debs, sit down so we could—"

"I can't believe you have the audacity to show your face in this house!" she yelled, ignoring James' reasoning. She didn't want to reason. She focused on Lindsey and tried to make her feel worse than she already did, "I told you you weren't my daughter. You are a stranger to these walls and you don't belong here!"

Lindsey looked down at her feet, taking all this crap like she deserved them.

"I always knew how stubborn you were but I never thought you were stupid! I knew from the moment you hit puberty that you'd bring nothing but shame to this family. Nothing but—"

"Hey!" I said, having heard enough of her garbage, "What the hell is your problem?"

"Leah don't—" Lindsey was barely able to whisper for me to stop, she was too scared.

I wasn't scared. I was not scared of Lindsey's bitch of a mother. I was mad as hell.

"No, Lindsey, I have a question for her. What's your problem, lady?"

"Excuse me?" Lindsey's mom raised an eyebrow as if I weren't a threat. Little did she know, I was her biggest threat. She preyed on the weak—weak people like Lindsey and John—I was not weak. I had been through way too much to be weak.

I stepped around Lindsey, "Are you deaf? I asked if you had a problem. My question deserves an answer because you clearly have a pole up your ass."

"Oh," James breathed, covering his mouth. Debby had indeed been dissed.

"How dare you speak to me like that? I am—"

"What? Am I supposed to respect my mother-in-law? Because last time I checked; you didn't have a daughter."

"I am _not _your mother-in-law. Lindsey would never—"

"Never what? What is this about?" I was on the verge of getting in her face but I kept my distant. I was satisfied with the fact that I was under control. There was no heat, no vibrating, no nothing—or should I say anything. I guess I wanted to give Lindsey's mom a piece of her own medicine and phasing into a giant wolf would ruin the heart warming moment.

And I genuinely wanted to know what Debby's problem was. I felt like Debby and I were both in a bubble—just the two of us—I was completely oblivious to the wide eyes staring at us and my imprint's hand in mine. Debby and I were in this bubble where there were no rules. I wasn't afraid to hurt her and I knew that she wasn't afraid to hurt me. Our frustration and hatred towards each other encircled us like thick, dark smog.

"I'm thinking it would be too simple for it to just be about me and Lindsey both being girls, right? I bet you're much more complicated than that." I said, actually trying to figure out this sick woman's mind. "Do you think I'm not _good _enough for Lindsey? No, that's too simple. Is it because I'm no rich like you guys are? Oh! I know what this is. It's because I'm native!"

"Oh! Shut up." Debby shouted and rolled her eyes, "This isn't about race, I'm black for God Sake. I've said it once and I will say it again. What you guys are doing is _wrong_ and I will not tolerate it in my family. I don't know what kind of crazy voodoo you put on my daughter but this lesbian spell is too much for me to handle."

"_Voodoo? _You thinks I _brain washed _her." I scoffed, "You're really pathetic if you rather come up with this retarded conclusions than just accept—"

"I've done my job as a parent. I will _not _have a lesbian daughter. This is the last time my husband will be associated with her, this is the last time my son will be associated with her and even if she wakes up one morning and realises how disgusting you are she will not be welcome because she's shamed us all with this—"

"Stop it!" shouted James over all the ruckus we were causing.

We all looked at him. He was standing on a chair so he was looking down at all of us. I thought that part was kind of over the top but whatever floated his boat. He looked so angry. His cheeks were flushed and his gaze was hard on each of us. He couldn't even look at his father.

"What the hell is all this?" he yelled, sounding strong and authorized, "We're supposed to be a freaking family and this is _not _how families talk to each other." He was fuming angry; he looked kind of crazy, in a cool way. His chest rose and fell with his deep, pissed off breaths, "Debby," he looked at his step mother and his expression changed from anger to sadness, "You kicked Lindsey out of our lives because of…her being gay?"

My eyes widened in shock and I clamped my hand over my mouth not to laugh. I couldn't imagine that he was actually serious.

Debby raised an eyebrow and John scrunched up his face. I couldn't see Lindsey but I figured she was just as incredulous as the rest of us. Did he really _not _know?

"Someone, answer me!" he complained.

"Are you for serious, James?" Lindsey asked incredulously. She was shaking her head, hoping her brother wasn't _this _oblivious, "Did you really not know?"

"It isn't obvious." He rolled he eyes.

"Um, yeah, it kind of is." Lindsey walked around me and pulled her brother off the chair, "James, you really didn't know?" She looked into her brothers eyes for a few long seconds before her heart rate quickened and she looked away. Lindsey let go of her brother's arms and wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans.

"I didn't know." he confessed, shaking his head, "How was I supposed to know that Debs and dad were so heartless."

"What do you think got Debby mad?" Lindsey asked curiously, tilting her head to the side like a child eager to learn.

He shrugged, "I thought they were mad because you embarrassed them on New Years. I thought it was _how _you said it, not _what _you said…" He shook his head in disbelief, "I'm very disappointed in both of you." James said to Debby and John.

They were both very silent. Debby was glaring and John just looked ashamed.

"Dad, what kind of man does this to his only daughter?"

John frowned and raised his voice for the first time in my presence, "Don't you question my—"

"Whatever, Dad. Both of you guys are hypocrites. You talk about family pride and all that garbage but Lindsey didn't bring shame to this family. She's honest. Remember? Honesty? That means telling the truth and if anything is bringing shame to this family it's you two and your constant lies. If that's what it means to be a part of your family then I want no part of it. Lindsey and I are done. Let's go." He wrapped his arm around Lindsey's shoulder and they walked toward the door together.

I followed behind them, glad to be following James' lead. He proved himself to be the real man in this family. Lindsey was right about her brother. Someday, he was going to be huge.

"James, don't!" Debby cried, grabbing James by the arm. She was practically begging with her eyes that were moments away from tearing.

I doubted she'd be able to grieve over someone else. Did she even care for others then her perfect reputation?

James glared down at her hand on his arm and shook her off, "You're not my real mother." He spat.

Debby's body jerk violently as if James' words were the only thing that could truly break her.

John really started to yell at James but he just ignored him and kept walking. He handed us our jackets and held the door open for Lindsey and I.

I couldn't stop staring at James because he was so freaking awesome! I hoped Lindsey knew how lucky she was to have a brother like James. I always wanted a big brother but Seth was born a few years too late to fill in that part. James was an awesome guy.

I was too busy imagining a ray of light shinning behind him as if I had just found God or the answers to all my prayers to notice he had tears running down his cheeks.

Lindsey wiped his tears away and she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Thank you, James. I love you."

James sniffled, "I'm not going back there." He tucked his little sister's head under his chin, "Which makes me officially homeless."

"Don't be ridiculous." I interrupted, "You'll stay with us."

James shook his head, "Is that even aloud? Isn't that building for the students?"

Lindsey nodded, "Yeah but whatever. We have a pet and that's not aloud so who cares if we have two?" She smiled and hugged him even tighter, "We'll get through this." She murmured, "We have to."


	14. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39.**

We had officially found Debby's weakness. It was awkward to admit but it was true enough.

Debby couldn't live without James.

It was kind of odd. James' cell phone rang non-stop with phone calls from Debby. James didn't see anything odd about Debby's obsession with him but I thought it was major weird.

Lindsey saw how unusual it was for Debby to be so obsessed with James and she absolutely hated it. Which was understandable if you asked me. Debby made it clear that she really didn't want a daughter. At least, that was my theory. It made sense to me.

This is what I thought. Debby desperately wanted a son but ended up with a daughter. James was basically the son she never had. Lindsey told me that her mother lost her ability to have children a few years after having her. She had large cysts in her uterus or something. These cysts were getting bigger and bigger to the point that it caused Debby excruciating pain. There were too many cysts to have them removed one by one so the doctors decided to remove her entire uterus. It was all very medical and kind of gross.

Obviously, Debby couldn't have children after that. So I guessed she hated Lindsey for being her only child and, well, for being a girl child on top of that.

I never voiced my assumptions because I didn't want to hurt Lindsey's feelings by shedding light on the obvious.

**Every time James' phone rang and Debby's name would show up on the screen, steam would start shooting out of Lindsey nose.**

But, other than the slight jealousy, Lindsey loved having her brother over for the most part. He was her idol—and kind of mine too, after how he stood up to Debby and his dad—Lindsey was so happy to see him every day again.

"Ugh! I feel like such a bum!" James's shouted, tossing his book aside on our small, round table.

Lindsey and I both jumped when he broke through the silence and we looked over to him from the sofa.

"What's wrong, James?" Lindsey asked.

"I hate living here like this. I feel like a bum and I hate it!"

"You hate living here?" Lindsey got hurt by his words and her lips started to twitch downwards.

I quickly wrapped my arm around her shoulder and kissed her forehead.

"No, Lindsey, I love living with you and Leah, you guys are great. Really." He smiled to reassure her and it didn't really work but she nodded, "I live here, I eat your food, I don't pay rent—"

"James, you've barely been here a week yet." I interrupted since Lindsey looked too upset to talk, "We don't expect anything from you right now. We're all adults, we all work and go to school, so, we all help each other out."

"We're family." Lindsey finished and snuggled closer to me.

"I should start looking for a place. Do you have a news paper nearby?"

"What?" Lindsey got off the sofa and marched towards her brother, "You're looking for a place? You can't afford a place of your own." Lindsey put her hands on her hips like a nagging mother.

"I'll get a roommate." He shrugged.

"Ew! You can't live with a _stranger_. What if their dangerous?"

"You have a roommate." He jerked his chin in my direction.

"That's different."

"How?"

"Because…because it just is!"

"What's up with you, Lindz. There's no way I'm moving back in with Deb's and dad, and I can't move back in with my mom. I love her but—jeez!"

Lindsey sighed, "It can't end like this." She whispered, shaking her head. In the most part, I think she was talking to herself, "James, just because I've screwed up—more or less—it doesn't mean you have to leave. You're a part of their family. You belong."

"You're my sister, Lindz. And I don't know why, but you mean more to me than any of them. Dad, Debby, our cousins and even my own mother. I don't know why—I know we didn't always grow up together and that we're technically _half_ brother and sister but I love you more than anything and I can't be with people who treat you like you're the plague."

Lindsey sighed and sat on her brother's lap, "Thank you, James. I love you too and I think that you should consider moving back in with mom and dad. They love you and…you're better off with them." Lindsey wiped a tear off her face.

James looked at his sister's face for a few second. He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyebrows as he thought of what exactly to do. He sighed deeply, his shoulders rising and falling, "Okay, let's go, we'll talk about it."

"Huh?" Lindsey said.

My eyes widened because I wasn't really sure where he wanted to go and who he was going to talk to about it. Not to mention he was planning on bringing Lindsey and if he was going where I thought he was going then I wasn't sure how comfortable I was with that.

James and Lindsey got off the chair and Lindsey looked up at her brother with sheer confusion.

"We have to talk about this—no yelling, no screaming and no crying. Just talking. Like Leah said, we're all adults here." James smiled at me.

I glared back. I didn't mean it like _that_. When I said _we_ I meant the three of us. Lindsey's parents had nothing to do with my equation.

James drove us to Debby and John's house in his car. Lindsey was practically shaking in her boots and I was angry.

I understood that this had to be done. Lindsey and her parents had to _talk. _Not argue but really talk. James would be the perfect referee to keep the peace in this fatal conversation. I would have been fine with it if Lindsey wasn't so nervous, but she also saw how important this was. James wasn't going to move back into his parent's house if they were going to treat Lindsey this way.

James parked the car in front of the house, "Dad's working today but Debby isn't. That's her car," James pointed at the black Lincoln, "So she's home. Hopefully by herself."

"Aren't we _all_ supposed to be here?" I mentioned since James was speaking of John's absence like it was a good thing or like his presence didn't really matter.

"We just have to get mom." Lindsey said in an even voice but her hand was gripping at mine very tightly, "We get her on our side, dad will follow. No doubt."

"Exactly." James nodded.

I rolled my eyes at how pathetic that was and followed Lindsey and James up the stairs and to the front door.

James' face became more serious and he knocked at the door.

Debby opened the door a few seconds later and gasped. She enveloped James in a huge hug which made Lindsey hold her head up high like she didn't care.

James did not hug her back. I could tell he wanted to push her off him.

Once she was done hugging her "son" she pulled away to give Lindsey and me a confused look. She glanced up at James and pursed her lips. She stepped aside allowing us all to come in her house.

Lindsey stepped in hesitantly and I followed behind her. She didn't let go of my hand for a minute.

Debby closed the door behind us and looked at James for answers.

James took a deep breath, "I wish I could move back in." He said.

"You're welcome to move back in anytime, sweet heart. You know that." Debby interrupted eagerly.

"Yeah, I do, but this isn't about me."

"Who could this possibly be about? You're out there, in the cold, probably starving to death and I'm supposed to believe that this is about—" she glanced at Lindsey and she cut herself short. She understood that this was about Lindsey. To her, it was Lindsey's fault her beloved son left her. Debby glared. "Oh,"

"Debs, be reasonable. You can't expect me to live with you when you're treating Lindz this way. I won't tolerate it. I'm not a kid anymore so, honestly, I don't need you. Lindsey's still a kid though and if she's losing all her guidance from you guys then I guess it's my time to step in." James was so bluffing. On what planet did James not need Debby and John's financial aid? It wasn't the planet I was living on, that was for sure.

Debby glared at James then Lindsey and saved the coldest glare for me, "It's wrong on so many levels." She sneered.

"Whatever those levels are; they're none of you business!" I spat.

"Leah's right." James said in a calmer tone before Debby could rebuttal, "You've never cared about Lindsey's love life before any of this. If it were up to you, Lindsey would still be screwing that Maxwell kid."

"James!" Lindsey whined in a whisper, clearly embarrassed.

James ignored her, "Debby, I love you—you know I do—and I love dad but Lindsey's the one who needs me and if she's shunned, then I am too." He was obviously done with his short speech and waited for his step-mom to make the obvious choice. When she hesitated he sighed loudly, "I'll be back tomorrow for my stuff then. Come on Ladies." He turned around towards the door and opened it for us.

I hated just watching James argue and not have my own say but I knew that there was nothing I could say to make Debby change her mind. She already hated me for corrupting her daughter. I was the enemy. Anything I said would only make things worse.

"Where will you stay?" Debby started to worry while following behind James.

"Now, I'm staying with Lindz and Leah. I'm going to look for a roommate and get an apartment." James said all the right words to send Debby off edge. I wasn't surprised when she folded.

"I'll think about it." She said, "You two are my children and—I'll think about it."

Lindsey's eyes widened. She stared at her mother who never glanced in her direction. I could tell that Lindsey wanted her mom to look at her for a second, just so that she could feel involved in the conversation—to feel like she really _was _one of her children. But Debby's heart was cold and made of stone and the only warmth she had was for James.

I never understood how Debby could pick James over Lindsey. Lindsey was her _real _daughter, her own flesh and blood. How could she pick James—a step-son—over the child she had carried for nine months and brought into this world? It never made sense to me.

"You do that, Debs. You think about it." James said.

Lindsey gave up her quest for affection from her mom and walked towards the car without saying a single word.

James sat in the front seat and Lindsey and I went in the back like when we had come.

None of us spoke for a few seconds. We let everything sink in.

To me, it didn't look like we made any progress at all. If by any chance Debby decided to un-shun Lindsey it would be to please James, not because she genuinely wanted to be a part of her life. At least Lindsey would get to see her father again without hiding and at least I knew how loyal James really was.

"I tried, Lindz, I really did." James said and glanced at us from his rear view mirror. He turned to have a better look at both of us, "Things will work out for us."

"We appreciate what you tried to do for us, right Lindz?" I nudged Lindsey with my elbow and looked at her when she didn't respond.

She had a blank look on her, obviously still in shock.

"Lindz?" James and I both reached for her shoulder to give her a slight shake but her head snapped up before we even touched her.

"I'm going to go talk to her." She uttered to herself then looked at us, "I'm going to go talk to her." She repeated her voice more sure. "It's time that I fight my own battles. This is my fight and I have to fight it not you or you." She gestured to the both of us before opening the car door.

"No, Lindz, you don't have to do this." I grabbed her wrist. I didn't want her going in there and get hurt. If it were anyone else, I could have let her go. If she was going to step into a room to fight Maxwell, then I could have let her go because in a way, Lindsey was strong. She didn't give a shit of what Maxwell thought.

But not now, in this situation, with her mother and her father, she was weak and vulnerable. My stomach lurched at the thought of Lindsey being left alone with her mom and her sharp words. Without me and James there, Debby would stop at nothing to break Lindsey.

"Yes, I do, Leah. _I _have to man up and do this. I'll be fine." She smoothed my cheek with her other hand, leaving my skin tingly and making goose bumps raise on my spine. "Let me do this. Please."

I still didn't want Lindsey to go in there by herself but she wanted to go in there by herself. It was hard going against my wishes but I let go of her and leaned back into the car. If I heard anything bad going on inside the house, I would intervene. I wasn't going let Lindsey get hurt.

Lindsey stepped out of the car and looked at James, "Drive around the block a few times. You know what? Go to the drug store and buy me something nice."

"What?" I hissed, "Lindsey, no. That's not fair! I won't be able to…" I glanced at James who had no idea about my intensified abilities like my strength and hearing. "I can't help you from the drug store, Lindz."

"That's the point. You're too protective, Leah, and it has to stop." She said very sternly, "Now you're going to go to the drug store with my brother and you're going to buy plenty of Slim-Fast because I like the way it tastes."

"You can't tell me what to do." I mumbled.

"Leah."

I glared at her. "Fine." I turned my head away from her and pretended to be angry when I really was worried sick. My nerves were giving me the worst stomach ache. Lindsey just closed the door and walked to the house, making my cramps worsen.

She glanced in our direction once she reached at the door and waved us away, "Leave, now." She hissed.

James wasn't able to hear her but she articulated it very clearly so he must have read her lips.

"Do you want shotgun?" James asked.

I glared at him.

"Okay, then," he shrugged and started the car. He drove away from the house and Lindsey without giving her a backwards glance.

He was stronger than I was because my face was practically glued to the back window.

**Authors Note: **

**I just want say is that She Wolf is almost over. I'm planning on writing a sequel but I haven't chosen a title yet. I just thought I'd throw that out there :P **

**Feel free to comment. **


	15. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

James and I walked down the aisles of the drug store.

I was so angry and worried and pissed! I couldn't help frowning. My arms were crossed in front of my chest and I was sulking behind James who seemed perfectly fine. I wanted to rip his head off for not being more worried. Lindsey was probably getting chewed up and swallowed by Debby right now and James was practically walking on sunshine.

"Why does Lindsey even _need _Slim-Fast. She ain't on no diet. She still eats like a pig." James mumbled to himself. "Did she mention what flavour she wanted?" James looked at me for an answer.

I just glared at him. I was mad at him too. He hadn't helped me at all to stop Lindsey from doing this.

"Was it chocolate or vanilla?…Or was it strawberry…?" He looked at me again and I didn't say a word. Even though I knew it definitely wasn't strawberry. I was positive that she would want the vanilla flavour. I kept my mouth shut. "Okay, I'm positive that it's vanilla!" James pointed at the 6 pack of vanilla Slim-Fast, "Or maybe it's chocolate…" his finger swayed to the other pack.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, "I don't give a shit which Slim-Fast she wants! Lord knows she doesn't need it!" I yelled.

James looked at me with wide eyes, then went back to the shakes, "I'm taking a wild guess and going for vanilla."

"How could you be so calm?" I shouted.

"Don't yell at me in public." He said, "Lindsey's an adult, she can make her own choices." He shrugged and started walking down the aisle in the search for some candy or something.

"Lindsey isn't an adult! She's…she's 19! She _thinks _she's an adult when she's just a very, _very, _responsible teenager."

James sighed and turned to face me, "Look, Leah, I did the protective big brother thing. I did the protecting-her-from-everything thing. She grew up, I grew up, and…yeah. I can't follow behind her like a hound dog anymore, she won't let me. She wants to be independent, let her be. If she comes out crying, I'll be there for her. But I can't fight all her battles. She doesn't want me to anymore."

I glared at him. I was so frustrated and alone, "Aren't you worried?"

"Yeah, I am. Don't you believe that she could do this?"

I refused to answer that question. I walked past James and picked up a chocolate bar on my way to the cash.

I stood there frowning as James paid for our things. My stomach wouldn't settle down and I kept imagining a yelling Debby, jabbing her sharp fangs at my sweet, little Lindsey as she wept.

Warm tears ran down my face and we walked to the car.

James and I went in his car and we sat in there for a few, silent minutes. The only sound was James eating his bag of chips. He didn't seem to mind my tears. I found that weird. I always thought guys were uncomfortable with crying girls. I guess what I was doing didn't really count as crying since I was just pouting with a tear running down my face.

"So," James said when he was about half way through his chips, "How long have you been lesbian?"

I looked at him, confused. I didn't see where this was coming from. If he wanted to know about my personal life, why didn't he ask at a more appropriate time? We'd been living together for four days and now he had questions about lesbians.

"Were you lesbian when you asked Lindsey to move in?" After staring at James' face, I realised he didn't really care about the things he was asking. He was just trying to kill time and possibly distract me.

"James, it's complicated. I didn't _turn _lesbian."

He just looked at me while eating his chips. Waiting for an answer to his previous question.

"I think I was lesbian the second I saw Lindsey for the first time. I just didn't want to admit it." I chewed my lip. I couldn't believe I was talking to James—of all people—about something so personal.

He chuckled, "Yeah, that's us Jean-Paul's. We can turn gays straight and straights gay." He winked at me.

"Ew." I muttered.

"I'm kidding, Leah. I'm serious." he placed a hand on my shoulder, "I'm really not attracted to you."

My frown deepened. Was that supposed to make me feel better? Not that I cared but that was really insulting, "Thanks, James." I shook him of my shoulder.

"You're welcome." He smiled. "My next carpet-muncher question is a bit embarrassing, but can I ask it?"

I sighed and wondered when were we going back to see Lindsey.

"Here it is. I mean, Lindsey doesn't have a penis and you don't have one...so how does that work?"

"James!" I hissed.

"What?! It's a question."

"A fucking rude question that I will not be answering!" I yelled and went back to sulking and mumbling to myself.

"So it's like in the porn, then?"

"You watch lesbian porn?"

"Everyone watches lesbian porn." He grinned evilly.

"So disgusting." I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, Leah, I'm done. You're obviously not Lindsey—who, by the way, would've answered my question—I didn't mean to make you feel angry or uncomfortable."

I sighed and loosened up because I understood where he was coming from. I knew that Lindsey and he had this weird relationship where he would talk to her about the hot girls he scored with and Lindsey would give him a pat on the shoulder or a high five.

How did he not know she was gay?

"I know, James. I'm sorry ,too, for being so angry. I'm just worried."

"Yeah, me too. I think enough time has passed for Lindsey to be done." James started the car and headed back to the house.

My nerves couldn't settle until James texted Lindsey and I saw her step out of the house and walk to the car. Her eyes weren't red, her cheek weren't flushed, her eye lashes weren't wet, but I still wasn't calm yet. I knew that in front of her mother, Lindsey could hold in her tears.

I climbed out of the car and ran to her in full speed, not caring who saw me. I reached Lindsey so much faster this way and pulled her into a hug. "Oh, God! Don't ever scare me like again! Please." I pulled away to grab her face and kiss ever inch on her face. Lindsey's face was frozen in shock as I kiss her forehead, her cheek, her chin and lastly, her lips.

She caressed my hand that held her face firmly, "Is it my birthday?" she giggled.

"Are you okay? How did everything go? Did she hurt you?" the questions kept pouring out of my mouth but I couldn't keep quiet long enough for her to answer.

Lindsey opened her mouth to answer but nothing came out.

My imagination ran wild with the terrible stories she was preparing to tell me. "You don't need her, Lindsey. You don't need her. You have me, and James, my family loves you and you have so many friends. Damn her to hell if she wants nothing to—"

"Shut up." Lindsey said.

I frowned and she pulled my face to hers and kissed me.

"I told you, you worry _way_ too much." She grinned.

"Things went good?"

"Leah. Things went great. We talked—really talked—we got everything off our chest and I think…I think things are going to be better now. Better than ever." Lindsey paused and bit down on her trembling lips. Tears started streaming down her face in an unbelievable rate.

"Oh, Lindsey." I enveloped her in a hug causing her to burst into sobs.

James was at our side in that instant, "What happened? Why is she crying?" He finally looked worried. I was starting to think he didn't care at all.

"I don't know." I shrugged and rubbed Lindsey's back.

James' nostrils flared and he looked really angry.

I put a hand on his shoulder, "Lindsey said things went great with Debby."

"Then why is she crying?"

_I don't know, _I mouthed and hushed Lindsey some more.

Lindsey settled down and wiped her tears away, "James, mom and I are cool. You can move back in." she smiled.

"I don't want that, Lindz. I don't want you guys to be cool because she wants me back." James argued.

Lindsey's smile widened, "This isn't about you, James. _We _talked and we're fine. There are no hard feelings between us anymore. From now on, we no longer rivals. We're mother and daughter." Lindsey couldn't stop smiling and chattering about her mother the whole drive home.

"Did you know that mom and dad are adopting a little boy?" she said, "A little Haitian boy who lost his parents in the earthquake."

"I didn't know that." James seemed shocked, "When?"

"The paper work's complicated. It should take a few months to get him but they really want to help."

"Why didn't they mention it?"

She shrugged, "It wasn't for sure. It's complicated. Don't go telling everyone."

James zipped his lips and smiled.

I stayed quiet in the back seat with Lindsey. I couldn't even talk. I couldn't believe that everything was…normal? Everything was going to be okay?

It didn't seem real.

Maybe I was paranoid. Maybe I was waiting for something worse to happen. But Lindsey's smile showed no sign of worry or anxiety.

We got to our apartment and James dropped us off and said he had a date.

I was glad to be left alone with Lindsey.

We entered our apartment and I locked the door behind us.

Lindsey looked around our apartment with a huge smile on her face. Her eyes shone as if it was the first time she'd seen it in years and she'd grown extremely home sick. Lindsey turned to look at me, "What?" she asked.

"Everything's really okay." I said in realisation.

She nodded, "Yeah,"

I looked at this amazing girl. The girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the girl that made me realise I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a _girl_.

My life had changed so drastically since…I couldn't even remember. I couldn't believe it hadn't even been a year yet.

I wasn't the same person I used to be. I wasn't the young, heartbroken girl that grieved over a guy who didn't want her anymore. Now, I was a different Leah; I'd experienced _real _pain—losing my best friend would make me a completely different person. I used to only worry about my heart and fear of getting hurt again, but now, I worried about Lindsey's pain and fear of _her _heart getting broken.

Lindsey made me smile again. She made me realise I could do things I would never have done in the past. I went clubbing now, I hung out at Hooters once in a while, I had a pet Guinea pig named Remy that I loved so much.

I wasn't the same Leah. I was a different Leah. A better Leah. One that I loved dearly and therefore, I was able to be loved. Loved By Lindsey. My female imprint.

**A\N: More info coming soon.**


	16. Info

**Okay! So She Wolf in The Closet is finished! I was kind of surprised when I saw I was done with the first part of Leah's life. But I'll be writing a sequel when I'm done writing my other fanfic Crush: non-imprinted love. You can check it out if you like: **

.net/s/5588232/1/Crush_nonimprinted_love

**And when I'm done with that, I'll get started on…what for it…My big Gay marriage! That's the best I got so far for the title of Leah and Lindsey's sequel. Guess what happens.**

**Other ways to stay in the know with She wolf is to subscribe to me as a Author or Follow me on twitter. **

/MrsKamilleBlack

**That All I got. Thanks for reading! :)**


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